Young Writers Society

This piece is beautiful! I enjoyed all the musical metaphors used in it, and I could feel the rhythm in my head as I read it. I’m not sure about the ending - it felt a bit abrupt, but considering it’s being phrased as a letter, this also sort of works with the style of the poem. Something else I think I should point out is that the line “great unfinished symphony” also appears in a song from the musical Hamilton. I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but that might be something to edit out if you don’t want a reader’s mind jumping to a different work when they read your writing. Overall I really enjoyed the poem and the imagery you used.

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's start with the thing I saw that could be fixed.
So this poem was really well written, but I think you need to put some of your lines into paragraphs. So it dosen't sound like such a mouth full when reading it. Ans it will make the flow better.
If you don't know hoe to put them in paragraphs then here is how I do it. So you press enter then you go ... then you press enter again and you can keep writing.

But other than that I really liked your poem, it had a good message behind it, and it told a good story at the same time. I really like long poems, so I really enjoyed yours. Another thing I really liked about your poem was that your said.

Love,
Toby

Hello,

This is really nicely written! I love the concept of a song you used to describe how the universe feels to us. The words flow nicely together... and I can also see some imagery here! THe overall idea is just well done.

Keep Writing.