Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
A couple of (maybe) important Korean words that appear in/ are related to this story.
하늘(Haneul)-The vast, limitless space that unfolds above the ground; sky.
언니 (Eonnie)-A term used by females to call older sisters (and female friends)
오빠 (Oppa)-A term used by females to call older brothers (and male friends)
형 (Hyeong)-A term used by males to call older brothers (and male friends)
누나 (Noona)-A term used by males to call older sisters (and female friends)
—???’s POV, Somewhere in Ancient Rome—
Celestial, Cerulean sky oh how vast and grandiose you are. Compared to you, I’m nothing but a mere speck of dust: A puny ant in front of the ever-expanding cosmic wonder that you are. You have many mysteries left unanswered, and I’ll always look up. Peering through the clouds. Peering through the blues, the whites, the twilights, dusks, and dawns. Peering through the mornings and the nights. Peering through all that - beyond that, I pray. I pray to whatever deity may reside on the other side that my wishes may come true. I pray. I pray that I’ll meet him again.
—Nuri Ohn’s POV, Somewhere in Seoul, South Korea—
Once upon a random, chaotic morning, as the air conditioner blasted cold air all around, I woke up to the commotion of my siblings bickering and skirmishing in the same room I was trying to sleep in. Yeji was picking on her younger brother Yejun for stealing something from her drawer without permission.
“I told you that you aren’t allowed to touch anything inside my drawer! My drawer’s the middle one, have you gotten so braindead that you even forgot what the word middle is?” Yeji spouted.
“But that thing’s mine and you put it in your drawer when it’s supposed to be in my drawer!”
“No, yours is the orange one. Mine’s the purple one you colorblind nuthead.”
“Fuck you.”
“Ahem. Yejun, what did you just say? Where did you learn such a word?” Mom said, barging in as soon as she heard the f-bomb drop.
“I don’t say that kinda stuff. I insult him a lot, sure, but I don’t curse.” Yeji stated, quickly trying to take herself off Mom’s suspect list.
“I hear Nuri eonnie saying it a lot when with her friends though,” Yejun said. Wait… I’m Nuri…
Fuck.
“Nuri Ohn, what did I say about cursing in front of your siblings?” Mother said, smiling.
Smiling was never good. Mother doesn’t smile when she’s happy, she just nods her head in Asian approval. Smiling meant she was about to explode. I pretended to still be asleep.
“I know you ain’t sleeping, wake up!”
I woke up with a sting on my back from a slap. Mom left swiftly after warning me that if I cursed in front of any of my siblings again: I’m dead. After that, I got out of bed at the early time of… 1:24 PM to start off my afternoon.
Since both my siblings are in elementary school and I’m the only one in high school, we have quite an age gap. They usually get along better with each other than they do with me. However, I still love them and they love me (probably… hopefully) very much.
Anyways, my exams ended yesterday and I bombed the whole thing. To wipe that horrible exam off my brain, I was going to the movies with my friends today.
As I was getting ready by putting makeup on, Yeji charged in through the bathroom door that I forgot to lock.
“Eonnie~~! Yejun is using your laptop again.” Yeji rattled.
I got the laptop as a gift during Christmas a couple of years ago, and both Yeji and Yejun have kept using it nonstop despite my futile warnings.
I don’t know how they even get the password. I’ve changed it like 12 times by now, but they keep cracking it. Am I that predictable?
“Well, tell Yejun that he’s not allowed to. Again. What’s he even doing on it in the first place? I have my science project saved there so he better not mess with any of my files and shi- stuff…” I said, quickly trying to change into a more kid-friendly language just in case my mom overheard. (She has very sharp ears.)
“Eonnie, where are you going?” Yeji said, changing the topic.
“I’m goin’ out with my friends.”
“Can I come?”
“Screw off- wait, Yeji, ‘you know what time it is?”
“Uh, it’s 1:48 PM.”
“Fuck- uh, you didn’t hear that just now, right? Anywho, I need to go right now, see ya.”
I rushed back to our bedroom and grabbed clothes, putting them on as I was making my way towards the door.
“Wait, eonnie, Mom’s not gonna come home tonight. She said she was going down to Grandma’s since she got hospitalized. She said she’ll be back by Monday.”
“Wait, she already left?”
“Yeah, it’s just that you don’t pay attention.”
“Okay, take care I guess… and don’t fight!”
“I won’t”
I closed and locked the front door, rushing down the apartment stairs instead of taking the elevator. We promised to meet outside the theater at 2:00 PM sharp, and it took me around 15 or so minutes to go there by public transit. I had to bolt for it as if my life depended on it if I were to make it in time.
I made it a minute late, but luckily, I wasn’t the last one to arrive. One of the other girls got on the wrong bus and had to make a detour. Once we all arrived, we made it inside the theater and watched the movie. The movie was called ‘Sekakoi’.
It was alright. I’m not the type to usually enjoy romance movies but this one was kind of fun. And sad. I cried at the end.
After watching the movies, we went to karaoke, cried a bit about our bleak futures, ate dinner, spent thirty too many minutes inside a stationery store, and called it a night. Typical things high schoolers who botched their exams would do the day after they ended.
Taking the mostly empty train, I sat comfortably in the corner seat, passing the time until I arrived at my stop by reading webtoons on my phone. Out of the corner of my eye though, I saw a boy, probably around his late teens, sleeping soundly. He was so deep in slumber that he didn’t wake up even after banging his head on the metal beam due to the train shaking.
He had natural blonde hair, a sleek figure, and Western facial features. He seemed to be a foreigner, someone from the western hemisphere (obviously). I ignored him, but couldn’t any longer after he fell flat from his seat after another bump on the railway.
“Hey, are you okay?” I asked, shaking the boy awake. He didn’t respond.
I shook him progressively harder and harder until I realized that I was practically physically assaulting him. I stopped, but he still didn’t open his eyes. I lent my hand right in front of his nose to sense any sort of breathing and… he was breathing. I also heard him say something. It was so faint that I only heard it once I got closer to him.
“Ego sum derelictus a Deo… Ego sum derelictus a Deo…” He whispered under his breath.
Suddenly, he jolted up; his sapphire eyes wide open and staring at me.
“Cherry…” He said, before closing his eyes again.
Cherry? I thought. Then, I realized that he was probably talking about my hand cream. Before I could say anything, he closed his eyes again, his long lashes gently fluttering as if repelling the light from the train ceiling. I shook him awake, but this time, he didn’t respond.
I did something I shouldn’t have done. I brought a boy home. Not even a boy I like. Not even a boy I know. A random boy who genuinely worried me after repeating some weird Latin phrase for the fifteenth time.
“Yeji, Yejun? I’m home.” I said, opening the front door.
“Who is that?” Yeji said, staring at the boy with a mix of shock and that look you have when you accidentally match eyes with your crush in the school cafeteria.
“Wow, did he get blackout drunk?” Yejun said.
“Where do you keep learning those words? You’re six.” I asked.
“From the internet.”
“Fair enough. Anyways, um he seems to be a bit ill and… I don’t know what came over me but… well, he’s here now. I’ll be sleeping on the couch. Just tuck him in my bed or something. If he wakes up, Google translate what he’s saying from Latin.”
“What?”
“Nothin’. I’m headin’ to the shower now.”
After getting ready for bed… or in this case, the couch, I checked in on the bedroom. All three of us sleep in the same room, a bunk bed for Yeji and Yejun, and a single bed right next to it perpendicularly for me. It’s a bit cramped but still big enough to fit a desk and drawers.
I opened the door to see… the boy chatting with both of my siblings.
“Huh? He’s awake? Since when?” I asked.
“Since right after you went in the shower.”
“H… Hi, I’m Mikahel…” The boy said.
“Hyeong, is your hair natural?” Yejun said.
“Huh? Yeah, I’ve never dyed it before.”
“I want blonde hair too!”
“Yejun, that’s enough. Uh, Mikahel was it? Can you follow me for a sec?” I asked.
“S- sure,” Mikahel said hesitantly.
“Oh yeah, Yejun, don’t dye your hair until you turn 18, or else, mom will kill you. And me by extension…” I said, before closing the bedroom door behind me.
I led Mikahel to the living room, filled with way too many questions that I wanted to ask.
“Hey, what were you saying earlier?”
“Huh?”
“You kept whispering something like ‘ego sum something something’ under your breath.”
“I… don’t… remember…”
“Where are you from then?”
“I… don’t… remember…”
“Do you at least know who your parents are?”
“I… don’t… remember…”
“Girl- wait no. Bro, stop acting like a broken record.”
“I… I’m sorry….”
“Whatever. You at least have a place to stay?”
“…No…”
“Uhm… You can’t exactly stay here though. Well, today you can, since our parents aren't home, and it seems like both my siblings are okay with you staying but… Try finding a place to stay maybe? I’ll help you look for one if you need me.”
“Th… Thank you.”
The next morning, I woke up to a ruckus. Again. Yeji and Yejun were running around the living room while the aroma of toast filled the air.
I pulled myself up from the living room couch, adjusting my eyes to the blinding light coming from the window. I stared at the clock on the wall. It was around 9 AM. I shifted my head towards the kitchen where Mikahel was cooking breakfast… wait what?
“Oh, did I wake you? Sorry,” Mikahel said with a soft smile radiating from his face
“Ah- n- no, not at all. It smells really good here, did you make breakfast yourself?” I said, turning my head after sensing a bit of heat from my cheeks.
“S- sorry, was I not meant to use anything from the fridge? Your siblings said I was allowed to, but…”
“Nah it’s fine. None of us can cook apart from Mom. I appreciate it.”
“Thank goodness. Uhm, I’m just about to finish, can you gather everyone? I think Yeji just broke the bathroom door hinge.”
“Sure, I’ll also set up the table. And don’t worry, that thing’s been broken since like day one.”
“Thanks.”
I quickly jumped out of the couch, wiping the table with a rag after quickly wetting it in the kitchen sink. After that, I grabbed 4 forks and spoons each from the kitchen drawer, setting them up parallel to each other.
“Wow, Mikahel hyeong, you cook so much better than Nuri noona.” Yejun exclaimed after taking a bite.
“Haha, you shouldn’t say stuff like that about your older sister. She’s a nice person.” Mikahel said.
Thank you Mikahel, if you hadn’t said anything, I would’ve probably said something that would’ve gotten me killed if Mom heard it. Luckily she wasn’t here though. I thought.
So… ‘speak of the devil and he doth appear’ I guess (or in this case… “she doth appear”), because the doorknob turned with a click the moment I thought that to myself.
“Kids? I’m home. Luckily, your grandmother’s alright. It was just a minor cough… nothing too serious or life-threatening. At least for now. Anyways, did you guys have breakfast or whatnot? something smells really good in he- who’s that?” She said, stopping her words as soon as she locked eyes with Mikahel, who was staring right back.
She wasn't supposed to be here for like at least two more days... I thought.
Crap.
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140,258 Literary Works • 673,074 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this is quite the first part here, several questionable decisions, a very nice written sibling dynamic, a very mysterious stranger and a lovely cliffhanger to round it off.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that's quite a mysterious little passage to get us started here, now those are certainly some vibes and a half coming through there, looking forward to seeing how exactly this will end up playing out here. Its giving out some very almost a grand prediction here for the state of this tale.
Well that seems to be a lovely average sibling argument there, love the way that comes into being there. I think you've done a wonderful job of showcasing just how this family dynamic is just through that little conversation up to now.
Welp that escalated rather quickly as soon as Mom came in which to be fair is exactly how these things tend to go normally, so love the way this is unfolding here.
Well that's some introduction there to our main character here, but I love it, its just enough exposition to let us know everything we need to immediately establish about Nuri but not too far as to be overwhelming there.
Well that does seem like a highly insecure password, 12 times in a row has got to mean that you're the problem somehow or there's an exploit on your computer but given this is done by the younger siblings, probably not the second option I'd say.
Well looks like that's gong to be a bit of a rushed exit there before anyone can muster up enough courage to actually do something and try to stop Nuri. Not a bad plan there honestly.
Well looks like the plot to make Nuri stay and look after them a little bit failed or maybe that was just letting Nuri know that she could stay out a little later if she wanted to. Either way quite a fun little moment there.
Hm well looks like a fairly typical day out and the movie doesn't seem to be too important after all given how it is just brushed aside there as far as actual details about what happened during it are concerned.
Oooh well this is an interesting little moment, just through with all the typical festivities which blink by in a flash and we just zoom in on this one moment that seems quite important here especially given this little tumble we've now witnessed.
Well this is quite the little moment, the slightly frantic shaking and not knowing what to do but really wanting to help the person who collapsed is quite a fun little moment there, quite realistic too.
Well that is definitely one way to handle that moment instead of just going to a hospital emergency room like you'd think most people would. Let's see how that plays out here.
Well that seems like a decent plan for the moment to be completely fair but still not the most responsible thing to do to bring a stranger back especially on a day where adults are not present.
Well looks like the mysterious one woke up there. At least now we can get some answers out of this and it seems not treating it as an emergency has worked out for now here.
Hmm well looks like Nuri is taking some level of precaution here given this is still a perfect stranger they're talking to right now. At the very least it looks like we're not completely barreling towards full trust unquestioned.
Well that is definitely some rather interesting answers to those questions there. Looks like our man here has gone through quite a lot here even though we've barely managed to discover even a part of it.
Well that's an oddly mature response there given all the other questionable decisions we've had up to now. This is a nice moment to Nuri I think establishing exactly where she lies when it comes to thinking in tough situations like this.
Well that's a random moment to wake up to there, me is sensing a bit of a classic trope coming in there although in this instance its sort of departed from it just enough by the strange circumstances it does work as a nice little extra detail here.
Well looks like now this stranger is going to get integrated right in there again. Once again leaning a little bit towards unrealistic there but I suppose by this point we just have to acknowledge he's going to be part of the family.
Well looks like this cute little meeting here isn't going to go quite so uninterrupted after all, that's definitely going to have some sort of consequence you would think, but we'll see how this shall play out.
Well that makes for quite the cliffhanger there, I think that's very nicely timed there to really make things quite interesting here for the parts to come. Its a great place to drop things off here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its a lovely first part here, opening up with a solid little setting around this family and then I like the introduction of our stranger here and while the decisions that follow are a bit questionable I do love this ending, definitely leaves you in that perfect state of suspense to want to come back and read more.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
thank you so much for your in-depth review!
As this is a short story, I tried to compact an entire story into just 2 to 3 chapters which made pacing a bit whack. I do think I did my best, but even I can still see some very questionable decisions made by these characters. Still, I will try and refine it a bit and I will definitely be taking your valuable feedback into account! thank you
Hello hello, fren! It's me Sky! And I will be reading and reviewing as I go to give you my "thought process" from another reader's perspective!
First off I love how you add a translation in the beginning of this chapter. I've read some stories with Spanish words mixed in and even though I have taken Spanish lessons and know the words being used, not everyone does. So me, not being skilled in Korean at all besides StrayKids lollll, this is VERY useful to me!
Yes, you received brownie points!
This is beautiful. This could be a separate literary work by itself honestly. I love this!
I love how this is in first person! To me, it is more easy to feel like i'm in the same room as the characters if it is written in first person perspective. I also love how this character Nuri (beautiful name by the way) has siblings as I do as well and completely understand her situation of privacy and annoying siblings.
I don't have Asain parents however I also understand this smile when you know there are eyes LOCKED onto you behind it.
Writing a story during summer break always makes things easier!
I appreciate the shortness of the events that Nuri and her friends went on. That keeps the story the same pace!
In the beginning of this chapter, I wasn't sure exactly what timeline this was taking place in. But seeing that it has the mention of webtoons, I see that it is set in a more modern time.
oh Nuri....why would you put a boy you don't know in your room wit your siblings? Put him on the couch!
Mikahel seems to be very shy or he really is ill and isn't feeling weel enough to answer Nuri's flood of questions.
So here some quick questions come to mind. 1 is Mikahel older than Nuri or the same age? 2, was mikehel well enough to walk to Nuri's house or did it take longer for her to come home because she was helping this guy walk steadily?
Speak of the devil moment for sure.
UGH WHY DID YOU LEAVE THIS ON A CLIFFHANGER!!!!!????? I wanna know how Nuri was gonna answer that question!
And now for the critique section. throw em away, read em, or disregard this section altogether!
1. While i do really appreciate the translation in the beginning of this chapter (as I have already mentioned) I would also like to see maybe HOW to pronounce those words as they are in Korean, not Spanish which could have hints of how it would be pronounced compared to the English translation. Also maybe adding how to pronounce the characters' names. I personally like to make a sticky comment at the end of the literary piece I write with the name pronunciations.
2. I would refrain from using bold letters. In any book, any stressed words are italicized, not bolded. I would suggest also italicizing the words in different languages specifically Korean as you did with the words in Latin.
3.My biggest critique is describing where this story takes place. I am very confused on this part. I'm not sure if this takes place in Korea or if this is in the States but a Korean household. Understanding where this takes place will help a lot with the story
I'm confused because while it is a Korean household and there is a Korean show, there is also that language addition where not all the words the characters speak is in Korean, meaning maybe they speak English and live in the States, so to speak. Mikahel is a foreigner. A foreigner to what country? Just small things like that make it a little hard for me to decipher where this is taking place.
My fourth and final criticism is this: character description. I would love to know what these characters look like. I know a little of what Mikehel looks like but perhaps Nuri and her siblings tho they would look very similar being related, one looks a little different than the other. Maybe one has a preferred hairstyle, or maybe one wears more jewelry, maybe one has a dimple or freckles. Something like that to help the character imagery come to mind.
But besides all that I very much liked this story and I can't wait to read more! Please tag me in your next chapter of this piece bcs I would LOVE to read it!
Soar high and keep on writing!
-SkyVibes
Hi Sky, thank you so much for your review!! I really appreciate it.
First of all, thank you for your kind words, they really mean alot. And the story takes place in modern day South Korea (I wrote where it took place in the brief description but its easy to miss so Ill try to make the setting more clear next time).
Also, I really need to work on clearer writing lol, I sometimes struggle to write a cohesive story without overcomplicating stuff.
btw, nuri s full name nuri ohn is pronounced onnuri in Korean(firstnames and lastnames switch places), which is a pure korean word meaning WORLD. Ill definitely add a pronounciation guide tho since korean romanization is horrible.
Hi Sky, thank you so much for your review!! I really appreciate it.
First of all, thank you for your kind words, they really mean alot. And the story takes place in modern day South Korea (I wrote where it took place in the brief description but its easy to miss so Ill try to make the setting more clear next time).
Also, I really need to work on clearer writing lol, I sometimes struggle to write a cohesive story without overcomplicating stuff.
btw, nuri s full name nuri ohn is pronounced onnuri in Korean(firstnames and lastnames switch places), which is a pure korean word meaning WORLD. Ill definitely add a pronounciation guide tho since korean romanization is horrible.