Lambent Lavender Lights| schema (pt. 1)

schema (noun)

ˈskēmə

: a mental framework used to process and perceive information about the world

viii. whatever you want to do

“My child, why do you wish to leave this place so badly? Didn’t you say you love life here? The gentle rustling of the wind flowing through fields of grass; the orange sky that shines out our window as the sun sets; your friends, family, they’re all here. Yes, our neighbors are a bit nosy at times, but that’s because they care. You already have a community full of love and belonging right here. Isn’t this enough?”

“Yes mother, I love it here. It’s calm and quiet. But it’s also not enough for me. I want something more. I don’t know what exactly it is that I want, but I do know that I want more. Something more that can’t just be found in barley fields and evergreen mountains. Something that only exists in the city. I belong here, yes, but I feel a strong pull, as if something is telling me that this isn’t the only place I belong. And I wish to chase it, Mom. I wish to chase it to the city.”

“Are you up?” Huh? Who said that?

“Are you up?” A voice asked, alarm beeping, cars honking, and rain pitter-pattering.

I got up as exhaustion dragged on my body and reached out my right hand to turn off the alarm. I was about to stare out the window when I saw something else right next to it. Actually, it was someone else.

“Good morning!” Null greeted with a gentle and warm smile on his face.

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh, only like 8 hours. After we made the deal, you just passed out and I didn’t know what to do. So, I just stayed here since I had nothing else.”

“Lowkey, that’s kinda weird.”

“Well, it’s not like I could really do anything else. I’m now tethered to you by the deal. I have a contractual obligation to help you and one of the conditions is that I’m not allowed to stray too far away from you. Anyways, what do you have on your agenda for today?” Null said, changing the subject.

“Today’s Saturday. Right?”

“Mhm.”

“Great, let me sleep.” I said, crashing back into my bed, crinkling up my already wrinkly sheets, and slamming my head onto the flat pillow. Even though I had woken up, I was still tired enough to fall back to sleep within a couple minutes. And before long, I was off dreaming again.

...

I’m wandering through a hallway. I’m not sure what kind of hallway it is. It’s not a school hallway, since there aren’t any lockers. It looks more like a hotel hallway, especially with the red carpeting on the floor. I look around, noticing the golden flowers embedded into the fancy wallpaper. There’s a pleasant fragrance of lavender that’s radiating from the vents on the ceiling. Speaking of the ceiling, there are chandeliers with elegant and needlessly complex details that are sequentially illuminating the hall.

Before I knew it, I was making my way down to a door that was luring me inside. I couldn’t read the numbers, as letters and symbols were always hazy and fuzzy in dreams. However, I could tell that it was room 471. Why room 471? I don’t know, it’s just what I remember it being.

I open the door to see an average looking hotel room. The bathroom is to the left of the entrance, and the right side of the wall is occupied with a long floating table that has the TV, phone, and a bunch of amenities that you’d expect of a hotel. As I step deeper inside, I see a neatly made bed and nightstands on either side of it. The bed is occupied though. There was a guy sitting on the bed.

“Hey, you finally made it!” He exclaimed. It was Null. He had dark hair again, just like he does in my dreams. Well, of course he does. I’m dreaming after all.

“Why are you here? I asked.

“Well, I wanted to talk to you, but you went to sleep to ignore me which, being honest with you, is pretty stupid since you already know that I can appear in your dreams.”

“What is it that you want to talk about then?”

“Well, now that we made a contract, I feel like we should brainstorm how to make you happier and… you know, less depressed.”

“You mean that you don’t want me to commit suicide.” I said bluntly.

“Yes… that. Anyway, I’ve been thinking last night about what humans like you do to improve yourselves and the first thing that came to mind was a bucket list.” He said, rummaging through a desk on the other side of the room then coming back.

“Here, I have a pen and paper I stole from this hotel lobby. Try writing whatever you want to do, and I’ll try my best to make them come true.” He continued.

“Anything?”

“Yes. Well, within reasonable limits of course. I’m not a genie.”

“Okay, that makes it lamer. But whatever, I’ll think of some things to do.”

I took the pen and paper from his hands and laid down on the bed with my legs fidgeting in the air. I clicked the pen a bunch of times before realizing that it was actually a mechanical pencil and the lead was almost falling out. I quickly pushed it back and began to write stuff. Stuff that I wanted to do.

Honestly, I thought there wasn’t going to be much, but by the time I was done, I had made it all the way to the bottom of the paper.

‘Things I want to do:

1. Skip class and not care about it
2. Spend an entire night talking with friends under the night sky
3. Find someone to love
4. Go on a date
5. Create music
6. Tell everyone in my life that I hate to frick off
7. Travel overseas
8. Not worry my parents anymore
9. Get a better place than this dump (not the dream hotel, this place is actually pretty nice)
10. Get a good GPA
11. Bomb a test (how do I achieve 10 & 11 together? I don’t know)
12. Stay at school past closing hours and sneak around the hallways
13. Michelin star restaurant
14. Spend a summer vacation that’s actually good and not just filled with labor at the family farm
15. Bury a time capsule
16. Submit the worst college application that any admissions officer will ever see by writing my true feelings
17. Find a reason to live (optional I guess)’

“That’s an awful lot of wishes for someone who said that they didn’t want to live.” Null said, gazing over my shoulders to take a peek at the bucket list.

“Well, I said that I felt ‘crummy’ and that I hated myself. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have ambitions.” I retorted.

“That’s true. Well, this looks good enough for now. Shall we head back?”

“Huh? Head back where?”

“To reality of course.”

With a clap of his hands, a rush of energy flowed through my body.

...

I jolted upright from my bed with a sense of clarity that I’ve never felt before. The closest thing I could describe it as is the jittery alertness that you have after drinking a cup of coffee. I looked around to realize that I’m back in my apartment. To my left, on the crinkled blanket was the same paper that I had written on back in my dream. However, the ink had a slight iridescent glow that illuminated even in the shadows.

I looked around but Null was nowhere to be seen.