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Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Twister Target 1 - Blue Phantom

by TinkerTwaggy


Let me tell you of a unusual tale. The kind of tale that makes your body shiver with delightful fear at the mere mention of a horrifying character. The kind of tale that makes you grin with delight at the mere mention of a wicked being. The kind of tale that begins without trouble but ends with dreadful despair.

Let me tell you about the Legend of the Blue Phantom.

Once upon a time, there was a little city called Rose Town. It was a friendly place home to the Starlight Festival, an annual event organized by the townsfolk to celebrate The Rain of Comets.

The Rain of Comets was a beautiful show of shooting stars darting their way through space, near enough Rose Town for the people in the city to enjoy the marvelous sight.

One individual especially awaited the event with utter excitement. It was Gaz, a little boy well-known for his bold nature. Indeed, the kid was brave enough to venture into the dangerous corners of the Forest Maze, a devious natural labyrinth where losing oneself inside of it was as easy as taking a walk through it. But maybe the boy's good intentions were protecting him. Indeed, creating new dolls and giving them to other people was the only reason why Gaz would brave the dangers of the Forest. He needed the best wood for his dolls to be perfect, and the trees of the Forest provided him of everything he wanted.

But this time, the boy had prepared an event of his own for the Festival. He intended to go deeper inside of the forest and make his favorite doll reach for the Star Road, this utopian realm where all wishes came true.

“And how do you plan to do that?” The boy's father asked.

“I'm going to bring my Star Launcher to the center of the Forest Maze!” Gaz explained while proudly showing off his wooden-wheeled cannon. “Once that's done, I will put my doll Geno inside of it and BAM! He will reach the Star Road in no time!”

Amused and intrigued by his son's idea, the father decided to accompany him inside of the Forest for more safety, much to the mother's displeasure. 

When the duo finally reached the center part of the forest, Gaz placed his cannon in position and aimed for the sky. He put his doll and its signature blue cape inside of the Star Launcher.

May Geno become a great Star Warrior”, the boy chanted, “one that will allow all souls to access the Star Road!

Gaz lighted the wick of his cannon and Geno was launched away with a fiery detonating sound.

On that moment, a shooting star passed above Gaz and his father. Seeing it as a good sign, father and son hastily went back home to enjoy the rest of the festivities, abandoning the Star Launcher where it was. The anxious mother greeted them back and decided to finally forbid Gaz to go back to the Forest Maze ever again. But after some sly negotiations, the punishment was altered: the boy promised to never go back to the center of the Forest, but he could still collect the wood he needed for his creations not too far from his house. He could not go look for his Star Launcher, but he could always build a new one.

And soon enough, every soul of Rose Town had forgotten about the little doll with a blue cape that had been launched into the Star Road...

*****

Years later, Gaz found himself looking for wood again inside of the Forest Maze. Though it was getting dark, the bold teenager was determined to find what he sought for a brand new doll he wanted to create. 

And as his search continued, Gaz realized that he was not alone anymore.

Crack. The sound of brushwood being crushed by someone else's footsteps invaded the boy's ears. He stopped and looked back.

Probably another wild animal”, he thought with little conviction. He knew that the noise could only be made by boots, but he also knew that no other inhabitant of Rose Town would dare come near the Forest.

Crack. There it was again. This time, Gaz decided to find who was in the forest beside him. He carefully followed the noise and was appalled to discover who was its owner.

Deep brown wooden boots were moving at a calm pace next to an old tree. They were attached to equally wooden legs with a lighter shade of the same brown.

Crack. Another brushwood crushed.

A blue cape tied around the shadow's neck was swiftly following the movement of the legs as the character's progression across the woods continued.

An astonished gasp escaped from the spying teenager's throat, and the remembered figure turned around, giving him a soulless glare from its painted red eyes. Gaz stared back and focused his look upon the blue cap with a golden wind-up key drawn on it. There was no mistake. It was him.

“Greetings, Gaz.” said Geno in a surprisingly human voice. “Fancy meeting you here. I never had the chance to thank you for making me a... Star Warrior.”

“But... It's impossible!” exclaimed Gaz. “If you're here, it means that you never reached the Star Road!”

“Oh... I did reach it. Without it, I could not be talking to you right now. But rest assured! I will accomplish my mission. Soon... The fortunate souls pure enough to reach the Star Road shall be selected. And I shall guide them personally to their shining fate. Be prepared...”

A mysterious smile grew on the oversized doll's face as it disappeared between the dark trunks of the forest.

Gaz forgot about the wood he wanted to collect and hastily came back to his home to warn his parents about his dreadful encounter in the Forest Maze.

Unfortunately, the boy's parents did not believe him and urged him to stop going to the wicked forest, at least until the next Rain of Comets. Gaz had no other solution but to oblige.

When the Rain of Comets finally came, everything went as usual: the beautiful shooting stars dashed through the night sky, a marvelous Starlight Festival was organized, and everyone enjoyed the event like they should. So much, in fact, that Gaz began to think that his encounter was a mere hallucination.

Until the first arrow came down.

Tchac.

There was no sound. No blood. Not a single movement. Just a motionless victim with an arrow planted in its head. 

A sudden shriek resounded in the air, and the festive aura of Rose Town disappeared as swiftly as it came. Everyone turned back to witness the victim, an old man simply walking away from the feast. He was as still as a statue, and none of the agitation around him seemed to bother him.

Tchac.

Another arrow planted in another victim's head. This time, a concert of screams accompanied the event, and people started running for their lives.

Tchac. Tchac. Tchac. Tchac.

Arrows kept randomly falling in the city, paralyzing those who did not have the time to find a shelter. Remembering Geno's words, Gaz was certain that this horrible event was his creation's doing. But as the rain of arrows continued, Gaz had no choice but to remain in his house for the moment.

When the night finally came, the arrows had stopped falling from the sky, but people were still afraid of going out.

Crack.

A familiar sound came to the boy's ear. He looked his window and saw a blue-hooded figure dragging away several of the paralyzed victims.

His heart pounding in his chest, Gaz left the protection of his house and gave chase to Geno.

Following the doll across the Forest Maze was much more difficult than Gaz imagined, especially during night time. But the shining stars were by his side, and Geno was slowed down by the bodies he was carrying with him.

At long last, Geno's march ended and Gaz found himself gazing at a strange altar with wooden cannon on top of it. Agape, the spying teenager realized that it was his very one Star Launcher, and that Geno was gathering the statue-like bodies around it.

“Oh, hello again, Gaz!”

The boy looked up, surprised.

“Such perfect timing! You are about to witness the first soul finally reaching the Star Road! Please take a good look...”

A gloomy smile stuck upon his face, Geno put one of the bodies inside of the wooden cannon and fired up.

Gaz saw with horror the body going upwards, higher and higher above the clouds, before being taken back to the ground at full speed by gravity.

Gaz had most certainly never heard such a repulsive sound of his life. Without looking, he knew that the body had been utterly crushed, and there was nothing he could do now.

“Looks like this one wasn't worthy...” said a calm Geno. “how about the next one?”

Another body was put inside the Star Launcher. Another body flew above the clouds. Another body was crushed against the ground.

“NO! STOP! STOP THIS MADNESS!”

The desperate cry intrigued the doll.

“Why should I stop? You are the one who gave me my mission. And I shall fulfill it, no matter what.”

Gaz rushed to the top of the altar. He had to stop Geno. He had to stop his madness. He had to do something. He had to-

Tchac.

Geno lowered the bow he had put out of his hood.

“Meet my dear friend: Bowyer. I had a hard time taming him on my own, but with a little practice and some poisonous mushrooms, he became a really... Obedient ally.”

The wicked doll approached his former master.

“Beware the forest's mushrooms,” he said in a joking tone. “But if you wanted to join the Star Road before anyone else...You simply had to ask. I shall finally grant your wish.”

Gaz could not even scream or cry for help. He could only watch himself being transported to his doom by his own creation.

“Here we are!” joyfully concluded Geno. “You know, Gaz, even with you gone, I will keep on doing my duty during each Rain of Comets. I am sure I will find lots of souls to guide here.”

With his frozen smile on the face, Geno installed Gaz inside of the Star Launcher.

A sudden thought came back to the teenage boy's mind.

May Geno become a great Star Warrior! One that will allow all souls to access the Star Road!

How twisted could a simple wish really become?

Geno lighted the wick of his cannon and Gaz was launched away with a fiery detonating sound.

He did not feel his departure to the sky; nor did he feel his brutal descent back to the ground.


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Points: 458
Reviews: 3

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Sun Oct 26, 2014 8:21 am
eve5071 wrote a review...



I think this story is a really good way to say ‘‘be aware of what you wish for‘‘.
I liked the ending a dreadful despair just as you said.
What bothered me was the describing, maybe you should have added a little more of that, like what does the forest look like the trees were they tall and was the forest dark.
What about the creature what does it looks like.
But as all I enjoyed reading it.




TinkerTwaggy says...


That is pretty much the idea, yes.
Thanks, glad you liked it!
The main reason why I added little describing for this one is because it features "Geno", a character that I assumed people would be familiar with and would therefore recognize by themselves.
As for the forest, yes, I should add more descriptions for sure, I'll keep that in mind.

Glad that you enjoyed it anyways!



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Points: 253
Reviews: 94

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Sun Oct 26, 2014 12:34 am
KatGirl wrote a review...



Once upon a time[,] [there] was a little city called Rose Town[.]


He did not feel his departure to the sky. Nor did he feel his brutal descent back to the ground.

I think this should be connected by a semicolon to create a better flow. Ex:

He did not feel his departure to the sky; nor did he feel his brutal descent back to the ground.

“Beware the forest's mushrooms”, he said in a joking tone.

I think you meant to put the comma inside of the quotes?

The wicked being approached his former master.

What does this wicked being look like? Is he human? What is his eye color, skin, what is he wearing? Is there anything unusual about him, etc. etc. (Unless I wasn't reading closely enough.. lol)

Tchac.

What noise is that supposed to be? o_o

Gaz saw with horror the body going upwards, higher and higher above the clouds... Before being taken back to the ground at full speed by gravity.

I'm pretty sure "before" shouldn't be capitalized unless it is the beginning of another sentence. Maybe you could just separate it with a comma instead of an ellipse?




TinkerTwaggy says...


Hi, and thanks a ton for the review!

...Huh. And there I thought the "there" at the beginning wasn't necessary. Bummer.

Ah, the semicolon is not something I entirely master yet. Thanks, I'll correct that as well.
And yes for the comma, that was an accident.
As for the wicked being, I already described him. It's Geno. The doll wit the blue cape, the painted red eyes, and all that. still referring to him XD

Tchac is a generic noise that make arrows when they strike something, mostly wood or human flesh.
That's why the sound is ususally followed up by an arrow in teh descriptions.

Because of the three dots, i though it should be capitalized, but I'll go ahead and assume that you're right. My grammar's far from perfect after all!


Thank you very much, I'll be sure to correct those mistakes I made. So! Was this story any enjoyable despite all of these?



TinkerTwaggy says...


The mistakes have normally been fixed! THanks again for pointing those out.



KatGirl says...


No problem!




Is that a carrot?
— WeepingWisteria