E - Everyone

​The Entwined Tale of the Wishcraftress: Chapter 3

PreviousNext

Chapter 3: Kaoliastell

The Little Girl awoke in obscurity, alone. The cold wind made her shiver; she adjusted the two-tailed scarf that she discovered around her neck and tried to walk, but her legs wouldn't let her move as she pleased. Reluctantly, she painfully crawled her way out of the deep cave she was in and looked at the cloudless sky.

“Stars...” she whispered instinctively, recognizing the shinning dots decorating the sky. The discovery of her voice made her cough, and she decided to seek for water. Her legs would finally let her rise up from the hard ground, and she tested her strength. After timid steps, she began wandering around the rocky place around her cave. A pond of water attracted her attention. She approached it and was surprised to discover her reflexion in the liquid.

The Little Girl had resplendent long silver hair spreading across each side of her face, with a golden strand of hair contrasting with the rest of her shining features. She was wearing an ebony black dress, opposing the natural brighter shades of her being. The Little Girl stared at her reflection with an empty gaze. Finally, she drank from the clear water of the pond and rose up again. Now refreshed, she decided to resume her wanders across the land she had mysteriously found herself upon.

The Little Girl didn't know who she was, what she was, or where she was. She didn't even know what she wanted. But her instinct told her to keep on going. She had to discover her quest, and it was by doing so that she would know everything she needed to know. Of that, she was certain.

The Little Girl travelled far and wide, without eating, without sleeping. She came across forests, mountains, lakes and plains, and still she felt empty. Lonely. Hungry for something to seek for, something to dedicate her life to. Her beautiful features grew pale and bony, her hair lost their brightness, and her body became slimmer than a skull. Even wild animals ignored her existance, and all she could do was meaninglessly moving through the lands. Rocks and pebbles were items that she was highly attracted to, however, and she enjoyed collecting these items in her cave. She had a true talent in guessing which ones were rare, which ones were precious gems, or which ones were common gifts of the earth. She would spend a long time collecting them and sorting them in her cave, for this activity brought her variety in her monotonous journey.

Eventually, The Little Girl met people in their cities, but even with them she could not bond. She was too different. She was seen as an outcast, a strange creature soon nicknamed The Doll.

“Hey, look! It's the Doll again!” would whisper children as she passed. “Don't get close to this dirty witch!”

“Yuck, she's so creepy!”

She would only stare as they mocked her or threw mud and pebbles at her damaged dress. She took one of the rocks that was thrown at her one day one day and comtemplated it. The object was pulsing with a bright light that she had never noticed before.

“...Hate...Dread...Emotions... Gems...”

Slowly, a fiendish smile grew on the Little Girl's face. She connected these words together with the outline of an idea within her previously inactive mind. She left with the rock and went back to her cave, place that she now recognized as her personal lair. Upon reaching her small and dark realm, she gazed at the object once more and crushed it with her hand. She then focused her gaze on the small sphere that was trapped in it.

I wish I could have a pet...

“...Secret wish... Energy... Will...” whispered the Little Girl.

She opened her mouth and ate the sphere.

I wish I could have a pet. I need a pet. I want a pet.

Slowly but surely, the wish she had eaten was turning into a desire. An unstoppable Envy.

She took a stone from her own colletion and focused. In a flash of light, the stone was turned into a small, devious-looking creature ressembling a dog.

“...Golem...Yes... You are a golem. You are my own pet. I shall name you... Lykaos.”

The rocky dog-shaped creature turned to her and placed himself next to her leg. She gently fondled it and went out of her lair, followed by her new companion.

A slight pain struck the Little Girl's stomach. She wanted more Envies. It filled her empty being with a power to enjoy. A quest to fulfill. It was everything she had ever needed. It was her energy. And now she knew where to find it.

The Little Girl began wandering around the various cities she would encounter and collect Envies by nightfall. She would sneak into houses and blow magic dust into the sleepy faces of kids and adults alike. Then, her victims still asleep, she would absorb their deepest wishes, turning them into imperious Envies, which she would them turn into golems, or Doomish, as she liked to call her numerous pets. She developed a depraved personality in which only herself and her Doomish mattered. The Little Girl ended up despising the humans that had rejected her, and enjoyed pulling nasty pranks in order to spread chaos and misery among them. Instead of granting their wishes, she would turn them against them or keep them for herself. Using innocent animals and make them follow her orders also became one of her prized hobbies, as she discovered she could use her Envies to possess humans and animals alike to change their behavior.

The Little Girl appeared calm and gentle, but her gaze still reflected the emptiness of her being. Watching chaos from afar and taming her Doomish were her only sources of entertaiment, apart from collecting and trading her rocks and gems, only passion that contented her enough for her to avoid being utterly insensible.

“Why do you have so many rocks?” asked a child one day as she passed with a bag full of her precious objects.

“...They have no souls, no feelings”, was her answer. “They're cold and sturdy. Nobody pay them any attention. They're cold, sturdy shells with nothing in the inside when you break them.”

The Little Girl locked her void gaze in the child's.

“Just like me.”

Years later, the Little Girl saw a marvellous shooting star darting through the sky. As the meteor kept on going, the Little Girl felt her heart race in her chest. This sight seemed familiar to her, and yet she could not remember a thing. At the same time, Lykaos, her dog-shaped Doomish and most fateful companion, informed her about the incredible amount of wishes being made by every human being that had seen the shooting star.

But for once, she did not care about resuming her evil doings. She got out of her cave and climbed on top of it.

“I WISH TO KNOW WHO I AM!” she shouted as loud as she could, tears of honest despair raining down her face. “I wish to know what brought me to this world! Why I have been rejcted all my life! What is my purpose? What am I?! Who am I?! Please! If someone hears my demand, then I beg you! ANSWER ME!”

But just like most of the beings she had come across since the beginning of her life, the shooting star ignored her desperate plea. The Little Girl found no other consolation but sobbing painfully. Was she destined to remain the way she was forever...?

“NO!” she cried, her savage anger defying her own, saddened thoughts. “I will NOT be defeated by this! There is no such thing as destiny! And if pity is also something forbidden for me, then let me scream at the entire world: I shall forge my own being! I SHALL FORGE MY OWN LIFE!”

Responding to her fearsome battlecry, hundreds of Doomish turned their heads to their mistress and joined their ghostly voices to hers. She felt her power surging back. The Little Girl attracted all the rocks and gems she had been collecting and turned them into magic dust, the very same dust she had been using to collect Envies. She created a purple energy sphere and ate it whole.

I want to fly.

Using one of her most imperious Envies, the Little Girl merged the mystical dust circling around her with her body and turned it into a sturdy yet flexible state, using her will to alter its shape.

Bright grey wings had grown out of the girl's back, with each reformed gem providing a piece of its natural shining facets to the result. The gems formed the external body of the wings, and the Dust streghtened it from the inside, acting like artificial glowing bones. The complex wings could be summoned at will and were enpowered by the Little Girl's Dust, which she knew would allow her to fly. She chose another of her Envies and ate it as well.

I want a name.

A brief burst of creativity struck her mind. The Little Girl contemplated the stars for a moment and finally smiled.

“I am Astraholia, Seraphin of Chaos!” she proudly declared. “My name represents who I am! It is my own identity, and I shall fully embrace it! Come, my Doomish! There are plenty of wishes that we have yet to absorb. Let the game begin! Let the forces of chaos spread!”

With a spark of light, Astraholia vanished, leaving her Doomish to roam the lands and collect wishes as they could.

During the following night, Astraholia attempted to spread chaos, anarchy and disorder through the world. She took her time to enjoy watching the humans quarrel among themselves, and natural disasters as well as bad luck struck them all with wicked precision. But as she continued, she realized that each of her attempts to make the world suffer were systematically put to rest.

To her surprise, Astraholia witnessed two other beings similar to her grant the wishes of people after she could begin to absorb anything, and they would fix problems as soon as she had caused them. Astraholia saw them stop disputes between families, cease wars between groups, end century-long quarrels between nations and put feuds to rest. People from across the world were celebrating the happy night and prayed for the ones that they called Wishcraftresses. Some sought were talking about Truth, and were seeking to understand the world in order to better take care of it.

Others talked about Ideal, and how they could improve the world and make it a better place for all. But whatever on which side the humans were, they all knew that their greatest wishes could be granted if they were chosen by the ones they idolized.

Intrigued, the Seraphin of Chaos decided to gather information about those two mysterious beings. Her Doomish managed to discover their old residences, and she flew to the forest where the Starry Wishcraftress was first found. Approaching the a sacred meteor, she put her hand on it and a sudden spark struck her memory.

I merely wanted to make your fastidious task easier by using a power of my own.

You are spoiling them by giving them what they want!

I really like stars.

You found two forces to balance your own being with: Truth and Ideal.”

I am Stella, the Starry Wishcraftress, Seeker of Truth.

Astraholia screamed in the night. Flashes of memories that wasn't for her to remember had reached her brain, distant yet familiar. Although she could hardly bear them, she swiftly flew away to her second destination: a city of rock and wood. Herfateful creatures had informed her that the Sharp Wishcraftress had been risen in the city.

As she saw a second meteor lying on the ground, she called her Doomish and asked them to bring the first one back to her cave. Reluctantly, Astraholia resumed her quest and put her hand on the second meteor. Other images and voices violently flashed in her mind.

Creation and Destruction: that, Emissary, is what the balance is all about.

I only grant wishes to those who deserve it.

It's a Unicorn's horn!

I am Estrel, the Sharp Wishcraftress, Seeker of Ideal.

You had the will and patience to look after me.

Astraholia ordered her Doomish to gather the second comet and bring it back to her cave.

With the task finally done, the girl took a deep breath and put her palms on both meteors. As she suspected, remnants of magical energy were trapped inside of them. She forcefully absorbed them and waited.

And finally, Astraholia remembered.

The Monarch created a new world and flug her Emissary into it. With a bright light, she split into two halves that landed on opposite sides of the world.

But it was not the end of it.

The Monarch had performed a fission in his Emissary's being, but Remnants of the Wishcraftress' original essence were left untouched. As they were incomplete, the Monarch did not consider them as a being as they were.

However, they were leftovers of the Wishcratress' will and power, and their sole purpose was to carry their original form's quest: collect and distribute wishes. Unfortunately, the disbalance caused by the Monarch had also altered the goal, and the only thing the Remnants were sure about was that an energy similar to theirs was floating around in a nearby world – the very world the Monarch had created for his Emissary's twin halves.

Resolved to reunite with them, the Remnants reformed into a meteor-shaped energy sphere and hastily flew in direction of the world. This event was not witnessed by the Monarch, for he was occupied with much bigger matters in other parts of his Universe.

The Remnants crashed into a cavern. More bits of their combined mass disappeared during the crash, and they realized that, without a defined form, they would not be able to survive. They adopted a shape similar to their former one and, exhuasted, fell on the ground.”

Astraholia wasn't sure if the tears on her face expressed joy, sadness or relief.

She was a lost enbodiment of her former self, the Original Wishcraftress. The two others were manifestations of her two facets: Truth and Ideal.

Astraholia, however, was a mere shell. An empty body. Something forgotten that decided to survive on its own and carry on an altered mission. In other words, she wasn't supposed to exist. And everything she had done in her life so far was the complete opposite of what she was originally supposed to do. She had utterly failed.

“O, my Monarch,” she lamented. “What have I done...”

Astraholia fell on her knees, defeated by the weight of her culpability. Then she heard a gentle bark: Lykaos, her first creation, her first mistake, was trying to comfort her. She blankly stared at him.

Other Doomish came to her, and she was soon surrounded by them. The golems that would always be by her side. Slowly, her self-developped, corrupted side took over her thoughts.

Maybe she could atone for her sins. Maybe she could find a way to fix what she had done. Then it hit her.

The Twins.

They were parts of her. She was the remnant of the Original Wishcraftress, and they were simply images of her that reflected two versions of her beliefs and power. If she could absorb them, she wouldn't need to absorb anything anymore. She would finally be complete, balanced again, and able to use and Ideal and Truth together as one.

Astraholia rose up, fondling her canine golem's ears.

“I must find them. I must find the Twins. And if it means spreading more chaos to this world, then so be it. I shall destroy in order to create. I shall bring out anarchy to forge order. I shall fulfill my mission, no matter the cost. And at last, we will show the Monarch that despite everything, we have taken the good path. Come, my Doomish! There is a last task I want you to carry. You must find the Twin Wishcraftresses and lead them out of their respective realms. I shall assist you later. Absorb as many Envies as you can. Become stronger. I'm counting on you!”

The golems left the cavern and spread across the lands, fiercer than ever.

Lykaos stayed with his mistress and together they altered the shape of her territory. The cavern that had seen Astraholia grow up became the Kaoliastell, a land ruled by mist, darkness and multicolored gems that could turn into more Doomish whenever she desired it.

Once her fastidious task completed, The Seraphin of Chaos and got out of her realm. She roamed around the World from Down Below until her fateful encounter with the wandering Twins. She knew that her Doomish would eventually drive them out, it it was only by uniting with them that she could, perhaps, atone for her innocent sin.

Comments & reviews · 2
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Hello there, Tortwag! I saw this sitting in the Green Room, and I haven't yet read the other chapters, but I'm totally going to. I like stories with a little bit of lore, especially if that lore was made by the author themselves. This story is really interesting so far, one of the most interesting I have encountered on Young Writer's Society. I really look forward to reading the rest. Now, besides me just complimenting you, I did find some errors in your writing. If they have already been addressed by someone else, I apologize, but this is what I found.

"and her body became slimmer than a skull."-This to me was kind of a weird way to phrase it, however, that might just be my thinking while others thought it made perfect sense. I wouldn't worry about this one too much, because it could just be a personal thing.

"Nobody pay them any attention."-Unless this is her way of speaking, it should be "pays." A simple grammatical error, really.

"Approaching the a sacred meteor, she put her hand on it and a sudden spark struck her memory."-You said "the a sacred meteor," it should be either "the sacred meteor" or "a sacred meteor.

"Herfateful creatures had informed her that the Sharp Wishcraftress had been risen in the city."-This one is probably easy to catch, it should be "Her fateful."

Those were the only things I could find. Continue writing this, and please alert me when you upload more. I love this story so far!
~Prez. T

User avatar
TriSARAHtops
Review

Right! Reviewing time. :) I'm so glad you posted this today, because after reading the first two chapters, I was eager to know where you'd take it from there.

I'll start with the positives (that sounds ominous. There's not all that much negative). It was really good to see that you've managed to maintain the style of writing throughout. The atmosphere it creates is just beautiful, and absolutely perfect for the story you're telling. It has a lovely magical atmosphere to it, and it instantly feels like a fairytale. I know I said all this in an earlier review, but it was awesome to see that you'd kept it up.

There was some lovely imagery in this. Really good use of language there.

I'm not going to go through and point out every grammar issue in this, because although there were a few at the start, that's the kind of thing that you'd be better off fixing in a later draft.

For the most part, I thought that your pacing was very good. There was only one part that really jumped out at me for being exceedingly rushed (won't post the whole paragraph, but it's this one)

The Little Girl began wandering around the various cities she would encounter and collect Envies by nightfall. She would sneak into houses and blow magic dust into the sleepy faces of kids and adults alike...

For one, this is a very big paragraph, much larger than a lot of the others, so it's a bit to get through. Splitting it up a little would already help to improve the pacing. I think you need to work on showing the passing of time, as well, and I think just allow this to space itself out. There was the odd other bit that felt a little rushed, but this was definitely the major one.

You've very successfully created a tone for this story, but just be cautious that single words don't break it up. Your vocabulary is generally fantastic, but the odd word just feels a bit out of place - 'kids' would sound better as 'children', and 'ended up' (in the paragraph I spoke about before) felt a little too casual.

You're slowly building the world up, and it does feel like it's starting to take shape. I think there was a stronger sense of connection to the character in this chapter, which will hopefully continue to build. Stylistically, it is working very well, though, and I'm not too worried.

I really am interested to see where you take this. Please let me know when the next chapter is up!

Image

@TriSARAHtops Thanks for comin' back!
Well, every positive bit you mentione is good, because everything i was aiming for is there, so that's a good start for me. Thanks for confirming all that :)
Ooooooooh gosh the typos, yes, I saw a few already, I shall war against them and DESTROY them all. I hate them so much.
...Ah. Yet another person who tells me that some parts of my overall story seems rushed. That's interesting, because people used to say that I said way too much, and now I'm condensing too much stuff. I need to find a middle ground in my descriptions, I think. Thanks for pointing that out. I need to test a few things, then.
Argh... This is the result of me not being native English, therefore I sometimes hesitate to choose which words would suit the overall tone of the piece. I did manage to keep a gneeral pace (thanks for confirming that), but yeah, still have much to learn.
YES. Exactly. The reader is supposed to feel much more connected to the character this time, I'm glad you realized that. Now the real challenging is keeping all of this up and fixing every big mistakes I can for the final chapter to be as good as possible. This is gonna be exciting, but tough.

Thank you for your interest! I'm already planning out the last chapter, while waitin' for more feedback. Stay tuned :D



have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
— Shady