This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review as requested. I'm a little frustrated because previously this review actually happened to be done before I went and took a shower though apparently the autosave didn't work this time around. Without further ado, let's jump right in.
I found this to be a little short for a first chapter! Not a problem, just an element that I noticed. This is quite dialogue based for the first half or maybe even the whole chapter. At the same time, I felt that the characters didn't receive a lot of development in this particular first chapter. I'll touch more on that later.
"Of course I am Lillith. Why wouldn't I? I come over there literatly everyday so you aren't lonely." I listened as she decended the stairs and call out to her mother that she was going shopping with a group of friends. "I just wanna make sure Mags. I seriously hate living in-"
The dialogue here is off. First we're seeing Maggie addressing Lillith and after that, Maggie is being addressed by Lillith. This is wrong because each time there's a new speaker in dialogue, you're supposed to begin a new paragraph, which doesn't happen here. I also wanted to note the two spelling errors in this paragraph. 'Literatly' should be 'literally' and 'decended' should be 'descended'.
"Yeah, you tell me this every day. I'll see you later, 'kay?" She said goodbye and we hung up. I continued my walk down the side of the street towards my house. The sidewalk didn't have many people on it, which was good for me. If it was crowded, I would get pushed back and forth between multiple people, going different ways, and then I would end up going down the dark back allies.
Here, 'allies' should be 'alleys' since that's the plural version of 'alley'.
"Okay, you ready for a night filled with awesomeness?!" I nodded and we both ran inside. My mother wasat the counter cooking dinner, so she looked up when Mags and I came in. "Hello Maggie! How was school?"
You forgot to put a space between 'was' and 'at' in this paragraph. There's still a problem with the dialogue here. Start a new paragraph when the main character's mother begins to speak. I suggest finding both a reliable grammar checker and learning how to proofread yourself seeing as a grammar checker won't catch every mistake that you might and you might not catch an error that a grammar checker might. There are a couple in this chapter for reference though I'll let you catch the rest for yourself.
That being said, the largest flaw of the chapter is the lack of fleshing out. Of anything. Half of the chapter is being told and not shown when this should be the opposite especially in the first chapter, which this is. There's nothing that particularly captivates the reader with this beginning and that's because the reader doesn't have a reason to care for the characters. Not only that, nothing relating to the plot seems to happen here. Nothing important anyway. At least give us a taste of what this novel is going to be like. There's nothing that stands out. The characters and the plot are a little bland and while this can most certainly change in the second or third or even fourth chapter, there's supposed to be a hook in the first chapter.
I wanted to clarify--are Maggie and Lillith just friends or are they girlfriends? I found that to be a little confusing because at the end of the chapter they fall asleep in the movie theater though I'm not saying that it's impossible that the two of them are close platonic friends. The end of the chapter sounds a little romantic although the beginning points out that they're friends and 'besties' (which I'd change to 'best friends', personal preference) so I'm a little confused. A bit of clarity on that would be nice.
Overall, I wanted more to be shown and not told and for the chapter to be fleshed out, basically. Work on that and work on the pacing because this feels unnecessarily rushed out in a way when more can be developed naturally.
If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a nice day.
Glad to see you're jumping right in posting your first piece! I picked this out of the green room because you classified it as teen fiction and that's my favorite kind of fiction. 
Points: 220
Reviews: 1081
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