This was a story I made in 3rd grade. It's my baby (my first ever real story!) WritingWords gave me the idea. Hope you like it! (I made small changes such as paragraphs and proper grammer)
One day Apple was reading a book when Grape came up.
"I'm bored," said Grape.
"Well," said Apple.
"Hey look!" yelled Grape. "The pantry door is open," said Grape.
"You want to go in the pantry?"
"Ya."
"Well. I guess," said Apple.
"Let's go!" cried Grape. So the two friends set off to the pantry. They had traveled one yard when they ran into Banana. "What are you doing?" asked Banana.
"We're going to the pantry," answered Apple.
"You better be careful," warned Banana. "If the door shuts, you're stuck." Apple shivered. Grape tried to look excited but he was never good at face acting.
"C'mon Apple," Grape said. "We are going now."
So the friends traveled farther away from their home. They had traveled eight feet when they came to a group of food.
"What are you doing?" asked Lady Lettuce.
"Going to the pantry." Everything was silenced. Then a big shadow came out of the crowd. It was Potato. He's the meanest, strongest food of all.
"Well good luck," he said.
Eight seconds after that there was a noise. "Don't! Don't!" said a voice. "Don't!" It was Tomato, a shy little guy.
"Sorry Tomato, we're going," said Apple. For the third time they set off to the pantry. When they only had five yards to go, they saw bags on the table.
"What are those?" asked Grape.
"Bags," answered Apple.
"For what?"
"I don't know."
"Owooah"
"Come Grape. This isn't play time."
"I know."
"Finally the top!" yelled Grape. Then in the speed of light the door shut. "Oh no!" cried Grape.
Then it opened again but a box of Kix was shoved in. "Why, why, why?" cried Grape.
"We need to dodge the boxes!" said Apple.
They dived, jumped, ducked, and ran.
"Ow!" shouted Grape. His leg was stuck under a box and another box was coming. Quick, Apple jumped to get Grape. After that they came to an edge.
"This is the end," shouted Grape.
"No is isn't." Apple grabbed Grape and jumped on to a box. Before it went in, Apple jumped. They hit the floor and ran faster than they had ever ran. After that, food made a statue to honor them.
The End
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This was an extremely cute story. Apple and Grape each have distinctive personalities, making them a bit more 3-D , which is a GIGANTIC achievement for a third-grader. The death-defying Indiana Jones style escape from the pantry was a pretty cool ending. Although, I am wondering how nobody is noticing this epicness. Overall, really interesting and cute story for an eight-year old!
I thought this story was very cute and adorable. I can't say much about this since you wrote this in 3rd grade. But I'm curious about why you chose fruit as characters. But anyways this story was interesting and I found it a cute simplistic read. So good work and keep writing!
This is undeniably cute! I'm curious why you chose food to be characters though. There isn't much I can say right now, considering this is short. I hope you don't mind if I correct a few things here and there.
The second "said Grape" isn't necessary. You can just switch that comma for a period and you're good.
I think a comma suffices rather than a period here. I mean, the one between "Grapple" and "So".
I believe you meant "this" instead of "is".
You could use a comma here, between "in" and "Apple".
Well, that's all from me. Again, this is a cute read!
This is adorable!! I find that this story would kind of be hard to critique because you wrote it when you were around 8 and it's so simplistic. I don't think this story should be critique really because it's a nice story. If I would add something though is more description and more about the envoirment they are in. It's just cute and I am glad you shared it.
P.S I am just nitpicking but grapes don't have legs. I would've have said they hopped away. Then again they might be squished by their own weight...