Kiss of Life
Chapter 1
Worthless love
There I see him running down the hill in the forest. Thinking to myself Shiku…Do you want to stop him or should you let him run. I’ll just let him run for now….
Walking home I see Soko with Yoshime her best friend… She gives me a stare… Soko doesn’t trust me after the Gnosis escape killing over 100,000,000 People pretty much our whole words population.. My little sister Koka died. Only my brother Axel and I in my family lived..
As I walk into the house I see Axel “Axel, what are you doing to the poor Omė?” I asked him “Huh, Ahh! No No No!! I thought you were going over Reno’s house today!” “Well Reno was sick today.” “Oh, well say hello to our pet.” “What’s its name?” “Keke.” Axel replies..
Chapter 2 Missing Link
Today July 29th 3012 the years have past and now the war is over. But something is missing I haven’t seen Reno at school for a few weeks I wonder did this 16 year old girl lose her best friend. I can remember the last words Reno said to me “[u]Shikuza Yatahomi Monoko[/u] that’s your whole name right?” He asked that day. “Yes you do know me very well Reno.” I said to him the day before he got sick. His sister said he’s in the hospital.. I was so scared that day I cried for an hour or two.. We all thought it was a head cold. More than I could ever think of.
That night I was on the cliff top looking at the moon. I see down below someone lying there staring up above at the stars. He says “This world of ours won’t survive another century.” But not to me he said it to himself
He’s armed I think to myself. Could he be apart of U-TIC? I’ll see for myself.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
What's an Ome? And the way you wrote it is a little confuseing... good job though
Um.. worlds?
Enter lines.
Enter again.
Now I just realized you need to italicise when some one's thinking.
Anyways, the chapters are pretty short. I tend to pre write my chapters before typing and I end up with about 5-6 pages, just front pages depending on the story. It helps and usually makes the story longer by far and shorter after typing it up.
Confusing but interesting it is. I have my pet peeves as you see. ^
IM UNDER 13 MEH
Hello!
First I would like to welcome you to YWS. If you have any questions or need help finding something on the site please feel free to ask me! I wanted to let you know that here at YWS we have a policy about reviews and stories posted. For everyone one story you post, you should review two things. I know reviews are sometimes hard to make, but there are great articles out there to help you! Here is an example: What Isn't a Good Review? By Snoink.
As to your story, I'll just mention a couple of things. You need commas! Oh, goodness yes! I would suggest goggling commas and learning their various uses. True, they are hard, and I still get confused about them, but there are basic uses that will help your writing a lot. Another tip is about dialogue. The last paragraph in Chapter One has dialogue in it. When you're writing dialogue, anytime a new person speaks, it's a new paragraph. Here is a quick guide on rules/facts about dialogue: http://mrbraiman.home.att.net/page13.html
Just as a basic suggestion, an amazing book I read about writing when I was your age, or maybe older, was Writing Fiction. I highly suggest it!
Again, if you have any questions, feel free to PM me! I hope you enjoy the site.