A Devil's Promise -Chapter one A beginning

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Here are the revised version of Chapter one!

Chapter one - A Beginning

Kiba panted happily next to me as we ran the rest of the way to the market. We took the back alleys like we usually did and always started on the shopping end of the market where they sold jewelry, clothes, and tools; basically everything needed to live and to want. I loved to window shop at the Antique Jewelry Shop because they had so many beautiful necklaces that I couldn't help but drool over.

We easily found the jewelry shop and I looked for the necklace that I had always wanted; I found it on the right-hand side of the display case. It reflected the rainbow all over the wall as it lay on the wine-red velvet cushion being illuminated by the sun. I looked to Kiba, "One day I'm going to get that adamantite-diamond necklace. You'll see." The wolf gave what seemed an exhasperated look. I made a face, "I know I've said that for years but I'll buy it. I've only three thousand and sixty eight coins to go!"

I gazed at the necklace a little longer, confident that I'd soon be able to buy it, until I was rudely interrupted by Mr. Nemo, the owner of the store, when he 'tsked' me and closed the curtains to wait for me to leave. I didn't like the old man because of his money grubber behavior. He was already so rich he could by the whole countryside but he still couldn't seem to get enough. Kimeru just said he was a stingy, old dingbat who didn't have anything else but money for company. Laughing at the quote, I walked off and started towards the pet store to see Mishka, the old Arcayin indian woman who gave me Kiba.

Following our usual path, Kiba became excited and began to jump back and forth eagerly. He enjoyed to see Mishka like I did. We loved to listen to her stories while we ate her homemade frybread and drank her herbal tea as she mystified us with the legends of her people, my people, that had began so long ago.

Approaching Mishka's shop, the overly eager wolf burst through the door when I had just started to open it. We found Mishka standing at her counter getting ready for our visit. We greeted her with a warm smile as she did us, she hugged us when we came around the counter, "It's about time you two came. You're a minute late and your frybread is getting cold." I smiled gratefully, "Thanks Nana!" I jumped to sit at the small table behind the counter and dug in the frybread she had ready, she laughed as Kiba did the same. While I ate, I watched him lap up some tea then begin chew on his own frybread.

Mishka wasn't very old for an old lady, she was only fifty-five and still had pitch black hair in which eagle feathers flitted gently in her loose braid. Her skin was olive coloured and softly wrinkled with age and laugh lines traced her face because of all the good memories. Her eyes were a caramel brown that shone with youth at a never aging heart. She normally wore jeans and a plaid button-up shirt, like most of the older people wore, and always accessorized with hand-made Arcayin jewelry and eagle feathers.

A little jealous of her full-blood heritage, I stared into my tea to see if my hair was as black as hers, in comparison, it seemed a little darker. My eyes, I knew, were a light green but I had gotten that from my father's side and my skin was lighter than hers but only by a little. Sometimes when I saw Mishka, I'd wish that my mother had married a full-blood Arcayin, like she was, and had me one-hundred percent because I was always so jealous. I knew it was ridiculous to think so but I couldn't help it.

"Nana?" I asked. She turned from filling up a doggy bag for Kiba, "Yes Miko?" "How much Arcayin blood do I have in me?" The old woman continued to fill up the bag, "You're just about ninety-three percent." I nod and say, "I thought so but I wasn't really sure."

I ate the last of my frybread, as I had already been eating it fairly quick, and picked up the paper plate to throw it in the garbage. I put my paper cup in the garbage as well after I drank the last of my tea.

Once done, I watched my favorite wolf finish the last of his frybread and drink the last of his own tea. I petted him as I reached down to pick up his doggy bowl to put it in the kitchen at the back of the store. Kiba followed me in the process all the way back out to Mishka where she standed behind her counter. She handed me the doggy bag she had for Kiba and smiled, "Don't forget to come tomorrow for your weekend visit. I look forward to you talking to me you know." I grin excitedly, "Of course!" Kiba barks in agreement and starts to wag his tail. I pet Kiba on the head again, "Nana, when is the next pow wow?" She hands me a flyer, "Next weekend. Be sure to wear comfortable clothes." I nod, "Ok." She leans over the counter and gives me a swift hug, "I'll see you tomorrow Miko." I give a hug back, "I'll see you later Mishka!" I beamed and waved goodbye to the woman.

Kiba led me out of the store all the way to the market where we had to go to Ted's to get some meat, Carry's to get some vegetables, Chris's to get some fruit, and Larca's to get some bread and rice. I tossed Kiba a dog treat as we stopped at Ted's first. "Hey Miko! Here to do your daily shopping I see." I nod and give him a bright smile, "As always!" He quickly wraps up someone's order of pork, "What do you need today?" I take out the shopping list Kimeru gave me, "A pound of deer meat." He takes the order he had just wrapped and gave it to the man who had just ordered it then took and gave change. "A pound of deer meet coming up!" He smiles then takes a huge chunk of the deer meet and begins to chop it into chunks. He then wraps the meat in a package and puts it in a bag. I give him the change he needs, "See you later Ted." He waves goodbye as he busies himself with the rest of the orders.

Considering I had a shopping list, it didn't take long to get the rest of what we needed because it was a fairly brief shopping list. Guessing by the items Kiba and me had just gotten, I assumed that Kimeru was going to cook grilled deer with a vegetable sauce and seasoned rice... for three people, assuming that we were going to have a guest.

Loaded with a days worth of shopping and almost near home, the sun began to fade into the clouds and a storm began to brew. A little nervous, Kiba whimpered as the house came into view. I knew it wouldn't take long to get there but the storm seemed to be a little quicker. A little uneasy we started to run as a strong wind began to rise, and within seconds, it began to rain. Just about home we dashed to the porch and then to the inside when I was close enough to touch the door. Kiba ran in after me into the kitchen and shook off the rain that had collected on his fur. I set the groceries on the table and began to put them away until Kimeru came into the kitchen and began to get ready to cook, "Sorry Miko, I forgot to tell you that we were going to have some storms tonight." I shook my head, "Don't worry, Kiba got a long awaited bath. Anyway, I got everything you wanted, need help with dinner?" Kimeru shook her head, "No, just go take a shower, you smell like wet dog." I nodded silently then went upstairs with Kiba right on my heels.

Easily finding my pajamas, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. Kiba yawned as he lay beside the tub. I readied my bath, put my dirty clothes in the hamper next to the sink, and eased into the steaming water. Kiba watched me as I climbed in and whimpered as a huge crack of thunder shook the house, "Don't worry Kiba, everything will be ok. It's just thunder." I patted his head comfortingly and laid against the back of the tub and closed my eyes to listen to the calming sound of the rain against the roof and the rumble of the thunder.

~♥~

Knock, knock, knock. "Fall asleep in the bathtub again Miko?" I opened my eyes a little startled, "Sorry, " I said. I sat up and opened the drain then stepped out of the tub over Kiba onto a bathmat in front of the toilet. "How long was I asleep?" Kimeru replied, "It's only been twenty minutes. Once you get dressed, come down. Supper's ready." "Ok," I said as I dried off and began to dress. Kiba jumped up and whimpered again as another crack of thunder vibrated the air; I buttoned up my pj's and opened the door, "I'll get your food in a minute." The wolf rushed out and down the stairs when I was in the process of followed him and brushing my hair, I then pull up my hair into my high, curly pigtails I usually wore.

When we entered the kitchen, Kimeru was talking to a blonde-haired man with blue eyes, a scar on the left eye. He appeared to be in his twenties and rather kind looking. I raised a brow as I sat at the table, "So?" Both Kimeru and the man saw me, my sister smiled as if I was just on time, "Miko, this is Kris." I make a face, "Sounds evil." He laughs, "Sorry. I get that a lot." Kimeru sighs, "Sorry for the rude comment from Miko, she tends to speak her mind sometimes." He sits down and shakes his head, "Don't worry about it. I seriously do get told that a lot." Kimeru sits down and allows me to make my plate first, "Really? You don't seem evil at all." I cock my head to the side, "Yeah, you seem nice." He smiles, "Thanks."

"Oh!" I exclaimed, "I forgot to feed Kiba." Kimeru starts to eat as does Kris, who says, "'Fang?' That's an interesting name. Do you have a dog?" I smile as Kiba -Remembering that I'm five feet nine inches and he's five feet five-, comes from the living room from the staircase and sits next to me to stare curiously at Kris. In response, Kris just about chokes on his food and spits it back out on his plate, "Holy sshhhnnnn.....crap. That is one hell of a big dog...." He pats his chest and swallows the chunk of food still left in his mouth. I pet Kiba on the head, "Wolf, and don't worry, he's the biggest baby you will have ever met. He just takes some getting used to." "Yeah..." A thought crosses Kris's mind but he pushes it away and moved to a different subject hoping to evade explaining his expression, "Why did you name him Kiba?"

I sat down as Kiba began to eat and started to myself, "Well, I named him 'Fang' because I think it sounds cool. Mishka, the woman who gave him to me, asked the same thing." The blonde man nods and takes a swig of his milk to wash away the tickling in his throat from choking. I smile pleasantly, "So Kimeru, you never usually bring your dates home, is he the one you think?" Again, Kris spits out the milk he was drinking like one of those spit-takes and blushes as he puts down his cup and immediately begins cleans up the mess by grabbing a towel off the edge of the table. Kimeru blushed profusely, in response, and only answered with silence to my question. I looked to her when Kris walked to the sink to ring out the milk-filled rag. She stole a quick glance at him and nods to me when he doesn't seem to be paying any attention. Somehow, though, I still think he saw or knew her reply because a small smile crept upon his face just before he sat down. Speechless, Kimeru clears her throat and continues to eat her meal.

Hours later, completely disconsidering the spit-takes and the choking, the rest of the dinner went without incident and we had a fun, long talk that lasted to just about eleven that night. After dinner was cleaned up and the storm had passed, we had said goodbye to Kris as he headed to his house though we invited him back the next night. It appeared that Kris had recently moved to Hope, as in, just about two weeks earlier. Even though Kimeru said that they had started dating a week after he got here, she felt so right about him and told me, before I went to bed, that she thought he was the one. I knew that it wasn't a lie because I could tell by the way the stared into eachothers eyes. In fact, I started to become jealous as I thought about them before I went to bed. I eventually fell asleep to the sound of Kiba's rhythmic breathe as he lay next to me on my enormous bed.

The next morning, I woke up fully refreshed and stretched, ready for my Saturday running. On Saturdays I did the shopping in the early morning for that day and Sunday, since the market was closed on Sundays, and would go spend a good amount of time with Mishka, talking with her about Arcayin traditions and legends. I felt like it was going to be a good day today because Kris was coming back over tonight and also because I got to give Kiba a bath.

I jumped up from bed and quickly got dressed excited as usual for my full agenda. I liked the days I could do what I wanted so I rushed downstairs and left a note to Kimeru that I was off to do my stuff and also that the groceries would probably be in the fridge when I got back. Kiba rushed down the stairs and through the house when I whistled for him. He was always fashionably lazy as I liked to say; he always slept until I whistled for him.

First on my list of stuff to do, I decided to go see my friends, Brock, Cam, and Shiya, on my way to town. As I expected their plans today, Kiba and I headed to the Kiske Mountain Falls and soon came upon the trio, "Hey guys!" I said as Kiba and I approached them. Brock smiled when he saw me approach, "Hey Miko!" Cam and Shiya smiled and said, "Hiya Miko!," in unison, Kiba barked in response to their 'hello's'. I looked at the falls, "What are you guys going to do today?" Brock stuck a thumbs up, "We're going to top this bad boy!" I looked at the side of the waterfall where the rocks went up, "Oh, ok. Last one there's a rotten egg!" I laughed as I darted for the seemingly steep wall.

All three of Brock, Cam, and Shiya followed us. It was a competition to see who could climb the side of the waterfall the fastest, and of course, Kiba and me were the first to the top by a minute.

I made a heart with my hands and motioned it to the three, "Love the effort but it wasn't good enough." I winked and smiled deviously, "Nice try." Brock pouted, "I'll beat you one day Miko. You wait and see!" Cam sighed, "Yet another loss." Shiya shrugged, "I guess we still need to practice." I laughed, "I'll see you guys later, I've got some more stuff to do, oh, and while I'm gone you might want to try harder." Brock pointed to the bottom, "Climb down homies! We'll do it again and again until we beat her time of five minutes!" He takes a stop watch and climbs down. Exhasperant, Cam and Shiya waved a weak goodbye then followed the hopelessly determined Brock.

I laughed as I walked down the easy path, from the brief visit, to the bottom and made my way to the village. Brock and Cam were just as close as brothers, they moved here around the time my parents died and Shiya, almost like another sister, has lived here almost as long as I had. I've known all three for a while and we were the best friends anyone could have. I was glad to have them around because at some points I had no clue what I'd do without them. Basically, they were family that I thought I never had.

I looked to Kiba as we walk the tan, gravel road, "I wonder if you'll ever find a girlfriend." He looks up and cocks his head to the side innocently as his ears both pointed up and forward. I laughed and petted him on the head so I could run, "Last on there is a rotten egg!" Kiba began to wag his tail hyperactively and danced around me all the way to the edge of town until I turned to the usual back alley way and headed the usual route to Mr. Nemo's jewelry shop. It wasn't long until I found myself staring at the necklace I had seen and gawked at everyday for the past six years.

"So Miko, are you ever going to get that necklace you stare at everyday?" Mother said. I ran up to the window and stuck my face to it as she bent over behind me, "No. I want my husband to get it for me." I replied in an innocent childs voice. She laughed softly as Kimeru came up to me, "Who are you going to marry?" I turned to them both and put one finger over my mouth like I was telling a secret, "He's going to be hot!" I pointed to the sky victoriously, "He'll buy it for me when he admits true love and will live happily ever after!" Father laughed, "Well I hope, whoever he is, that he buys anything my little girl wants." He picks me up with his hands and swings me around, I laugh happily and fall into his arms to hug him tight, "I love you daddy!" He squeezes, "I love you too Miko".....

Still at the sudden flashback, I stare a little longer at the necklace remembering some more fond memories from around the time that I was five until Mr. Nemo 'tsked' me again as he did yesterday and closed the curtains once more. Irritated with the rude interuption, Kiba led me to Mishka's house for the weekend visit.

Knock, knock. "Come in!" Nana's voice chimed. Knowing we could come in, Kiba pushed the door open as I had it cracked and trotted to the kitchen. I heard Nana's warm greeting as I imagined her simply standing and hugging Kiba as he sat, almost as tall as her. It was a funny comparison but I guess it was the way I was in contrast with him.

I walked in the kitchen and noticed the sweet smell of indian frybread wafted throughout the kitchen in an enticing aroma. Mishka spotted me once I came around a corner and hugged me, "Ah, I was expecting you." I smile and respond delightedly, "Of course."

Kiba wagged his tail as Nana tossed him an extra frybread then put a glass of tea in front of me as I sat down at the table. She sat with her own cup, "So Miko, what legend do you wish to hear?" I knew exactly what I wanted to hear, "Actually, I want to know what the Arcayin legend for the creation of the earth is." She smiles, "Ah, an excellent legend." I take a sip of my tea as Kiba curls up and lays at my feet preparing to take a nap.

"As the story goes, it was billions of years ago when the universe was newborn from Celes. Then Celes, being the Arcayin Goddess of Creation and Abyss, being the Arcayin God of Space, both went head to head with the minions of Kira, the evil Arcayin angel that had become a devil. The minions of Kira had been set loose upon the new realm that was created by Celes and both Abyss and her were cross with Kira and were angry with him. In response, they created a race called humans and a new planet for them to live on so they could counter-act the forces of Kira. Even though they were weak in strength, they possessed an unusual form of thinking the devils lacked and were easily able to create devastating weapons able to wipe out thousands of them at a time." She paused and took a long drink of her tea, I took a drink of mine. I felt her pet Kiba with her foot, she then continued, "As time progressed, the devils Kira had created began to learn the way of the human and became highly more intelligent than the humans could ever be yet somehow the humans always fought down the devils. Kira became frustrated, thinking there was some secret, and went to earth himself to observe the humans. He wasn't shocked to see that the human beings held love, caring, and emotions most had not and over time he noticed a strange resiliance and stubborness in the defensless beings. It wasn't but a few years later that he found one certain human existentally appealing. She was an Arcayin woman of twenty-five. Young, beautiful, and strong-hearted; her name was Ishpika." Mishka stopped and waited for me to finish my tea.

I thought, "Ok, so did he become angry and kill her or did he fall in love with her?" Nana smiled, "He found her actually quiet attractive and did, in fact, fall in love with her. But.." "But?" I said impatiently. "But seeing as Kira was a devil and Ishpika was human, the line of judges that Kira had created, turned on him and set him and the woman to execution for their forbidden love. They both were killed in the devil dungeons by stakes and flame." She stopped to give me some frybread. I listened intently, "And?" "Noticing what had happened, Celes and Abyss built a portal on one part of the earth so they could lock the devils back in their realm so they wouldn't be able to come back. The humans found out about the gate and strove to destroy all the devils in act of vengeance but only destroyed themselves. They were know as the Atlantians." I nodded, "Oooo, ok. I get that now."

She glanced at Kiba next to her then continued, "Irritated with the humans for being so rebellious, they managed to lock the devils in their own realm but left the humans to fend for themselves. A few devils here and there broke through the gate and damaged the small population until just about every five out of a hundred named themselves Devil Slayers. Devil slaying became an increasing profit and the human population rose rapidly. Yet when the population reached a certain level, plagues, holocausts, or even spawn of the devils, demons, kept the numbers to a certain point. That is why humans have not over-populated the earth."

I chug my tea then begin to eagerly eat my frybread, "Ok, I get the over-population equivalency but if the devils were locked away, how were there demons?" "Good question, " she said as she poured herself another cup of tea. At a pace, I scarfed my frybread. She replied watching me with an amused expression, "There are still demons because when many devils could still roam the earth, they had planted marbles known as Spirit Marbles. They were a special marble that could trap the souls of devils and demons alike, then could do multiple things according to the type. Anyway, the marbles spawned demons." Confused, I stopped eating for a second, "Ok but there are still demons today, what about Devil Slayers?"

She laughs then sips on her tea with a smile, "Nothing gets by you does it?" I make an expression say 'sorry sorry, it's not my fault' but she shakes her head, "Questions are a good thing." She takes another sip of tea, thinking where she left off, then nodded to herself, "Ok. Well, the Spirit Marbles that the devils had planted only release demons at scattered yet regular intervals ranging from five to one hundred years and there is no telling how many they release at a time. Then there is also the fact there is still, to this day, the Devil Gate." I nod, "Right. Ok. I get it now."

She pats my hand as I chew the last bit of my bread and the rest of my tea. "Well, I'm fixing to have to go Miko, I've got some errands to run and I've got to check up on Fred." I smile to her remembering that Fred is a man that she is taking care of because of a broken leg. "Tell me about it when I next come. I like romance stories." I snicker and go to the front door as she shoots me an accusing look but smiles reluctantly when I air-hug her. "See you later Nana!" She nods and waves me goodbye as Kiba darts out past me through the door.

Stepping back onto the market street, I notice, from the corner of my eye, that Kiba spots something. He makes a small bark to himself and wines. I go over to pet him, "What is it Kiba?" He shoots a glance at me then to a strange figure, which I just now notice, peeking at me from around a corner. Instantly I notice that around its hand it holds the necklace that I always gawked over. It gave me a strange sneer then darted to the direction of Mr. Nemo's shop, which he must have gotten it from. Directly after it disappears around the corner, I dart after it with Kiba eagerly at my side.

When I get close to Nemo's shop, I notice him pacing angrily back in forth, ranting to one of the local peace keepers, about what had broken in and stolen the necklace. Determined to find out what happened, I see the thing disappear again around another corner. I saw that it was the street I always took when coming to town. Then in a moment of fear, I remember that it is the way to my house, to Kimeru. I follow it and see it, inhumanly, sprinting into the opposite direction of my house to a thick forest between the Kiske Mountains and Hope.

I took a breathe of relief and almost stopped until I noticed that the shadow had come back and hidden in a bush. Almost irritated at its game, I glared and shot off towards it again. Then when I went to pet a comforting hand on Kiba as he ran beside me, I noticed that his hair had bristled on edge and that his chest and upper body reverberated with a silent growl. Knowing full well that Kiba never barked or showed any warning or violence to humans, I became uneasy when the possibility of it being a demon came to mind. Though unable to pull myself from the chase and the fact that it had stolen a simple necklace without shedding one drop of blood, I entered the dark forest and realized, instantly, that going in was the worst possible thing I could have done. I was out-smarted, out-strengthed, and probably even out-numbered.

"Aroooooo!" Kiba howled as the sound almost sliced the icy air. I looked around instantly to try to find the thing that I knew he was warning me about but didn't see it until I heard a snarl rip from Kiba's throat and he attacked the thing with sharp teeth that tore through the sickening flesh. I heard a crunch and a yelp as Kiba fell to the ground and whimpered. Unexperienced and vulnerable, I knew he couldn't have lasted long. Also knowing that I was vulnerable, I backed away helplessly as the thing found my eyes and I found two pits for what was its eyes.

That one second I stared, I instantly became paralyzed as it held up the necklace to my face, "You like jewel, do you not?" I gulp as I begin to shake. "I see woman stare at jewel for long time. She likes so me take jewel and lure away from help." It puts it around my neck and sniffs me as I force my head as far to the side as it would go. Slowly as it pushes me back to a tree, I felt its icy breath chill me to the bone and I started to ache as I felt myself numb. Its hard, raspy voice told me that it wasn't so intelligent along with its obvious camoflouge and broken speech. Helpless, Kiba snarled at the demon as it trapped me with itself. The wolf attempted to get up but yelped when something inside him hurt like it should not have.

"What do you want with me?..." The demon smiled impishly, "I take you back and keep you. I eat you later once I done with you." It ran a cold, icy and hard finger from my cheek all the way down to my shoulder then down my arm. I glance at Kiba and heard him whimper but the demon gripped my arm and jerked me as it led me through the forest. Painfully, I looked back at the injured Kiba with tears stinging my eyes. I watched him struggle to follow only to fall back down and whimper in dismay.

"Come human. You fall behind slow." It grips my arm harder and I could feel my circulation being cut off as the demons unrelenting grasp constricted my arm. Even then, it was already turning a light shade of purple; starting to lose feeling, I walk quicker to keep up with its pace until it leads me for another ten minutes. We end up coming to a cave dug deep into a wall of stone, moss, trees, hanging roots, all the perfect things to make a cave like 'home'. Cold and empty.

"Come. I live inside. I take you to cage where you sleep." I bite my lip in an attempt to hold in more tears; I wish I hadn't come, I should've left Mr. Nemo to rant in fury. He deserved it anyway, he was a stingy old dingbat. "You sleep here." The demon rasped as it pushed me into a cage fit enough for a lion. It smirked to its own devilish thoughts and walked away, "I be back soon." I watch the thing dart out of the cave to do who knows what. Attempting to sit up as much as I could, I shook the bars of the cage to see if anything rattled but not a sound came. I kicked at bars here and there for at least an hour before the thing came back kicked the cage, "Be quiet!" Then walked over to a 'bed' of its own and curled up to sleep. It looked grotesque when it did so;torn, jumbled, and abstracted in unnatural ways as it instantly sunk into a dead sleep. Knowing I wouldn't be able to get out and thinking that Kiba was probably almost dead, I cried myself to sleep when I felt that all hope was lost. This was probably the stupidest thing I have done in my life, and maybe even the last.

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Hey. I liked it! I read all the way to paragraph 23, but I have to go soon so.. I enjoyed the story very much and I hope you continue it, but I did notice some things that I would like to point out.

" I grin, "Of course!"

It doesn't make sense for someone to grin, "of course!" Smiles don't speak.

" I nod, "Right! I'll see you later Mishka!"

Well, I don't think you can nod, "Right! I'll see you later Mishka!". It would be like talking with sign language, except only using your head. Do you understand?

"Miko, this is Sith."

Sorry, but I don't like the name. As soon as I hear it I think of Starwars. It would be cute and funny if it were in a parody. But otherwise..





I smile as Okamikiba, who reaches my upper chest -noting that I'm five feet nine inches-, comes from the living room from the staircase and sits next to me to stare curiously at Sith. In response, Sith just about chokes on his food and spits it back out on his plate, "Holy sshhhnnnn.....crap. That is one hell of a big wolf....

Maybe you could say that "Kiba" is huge earlier in the story. When I first read it, I thought he was only up to the main characters knees.



[quote]I decided to go see my friends, Brock, Cam, and Shiya, on my way to town. As I expected their plans today, Kiba and I headed to the Kiske Mountain Falls and soon came upon the trio, "Hey guys!"

This could be my own fault. But please make her friend's genders known. As I went further into the paragraph, I knew two of them are guys.




[/quote "Thanks...." I smile embarrassedly as he says,]

You can't smile words.





[quote I thought, "Ok, so did he become angry and kill her or did he fall in love with her?" Nana smiled, "He found her actually quiet attractive and did in fact fall in love with her. But.." ]

She thinks that question, yet Nana replies to her anyway. Can nana read minds?







[/quoteKyrin nods, "So then, to your house?" I nod and smile, "Yep, I hope you don't mind walking for twenty minutes though, my house is on the outskirts." He shakes his head, "Not at all." I click to Okamikiba and begin to walk towards home, Kyrin at my side. ]


She could have told him it was going to take twenty minutes to get there earlier. Also, Kyrin nods words. You can't do that.


Okay, well that's it. I really enjoyed the story and, like I said, I hope you continue it. It helps if you make the chapters shorter so a person in a haste(like meh) could read one and be on her way without having to search her way through tons of words to get where she left off. This was my first review, I'm new here. I hope we can talk to each other in the future.

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Tifa13
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Ok, I know it kind of goes quick but I'm in the process of editing that. I just wanted to post a less edited version to get the feeling of the readers when they post critism. Let me know what you think, besides how quick it goes, and be as harsh as you need to. Blarrgh! Meep! Nyeow, <=^-^=>



The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart