Dear weather,
The recent summer haze
Made me forget the rainy days
I'm not complaining
I love the rain.
Well, it's the coming in from the rain that I adore
Shrugging off wet clothes and climbing in to warm, new ones
Snuggling on the sofa with a hot drink in one hand
Pitying the owners of all the umbrellas bobbing past the window
It's the metaphorical rainy days I'm more wary of
The ones you save a penny for
Because what it means is that something somewhere has gone wrong
I want fewer of those but actual rainy days...
I don't mind at all
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey there Kat here a reviewing machine for team WHY?
the way the water pitter-pats on my skylight and the smell and ...off topic. But that's what this poem made me think of. Now for the little fixes, the third to last line is unnecessary, most people know what the metaphorical rainy day is. Also your flow is a little interrupted and it takes away from your poem . The the in the first line isn't needed either, you just have a lot of redundant words which is easy enough to fix with some editing. Positive things, I loved your imagery! I could see a little kid basking in the wet hot rain playing in puddles and then coming in and snuggling up in a warm blanket ad laughing at the fancy people with there umbrellas and fear of the rain . Very promising.
Second to last line, if should be of . Can I just say I love rainy days
Welcome to YWS
~Kat
Thanks for your advise! Think that those tweaks would make it a lot better.
-tiarasandnarwhals
I can relate to this poem completely. I love rain, and even though I'm Canadian, it's one of the main reasons I want to go to Ireland. Rain is the feeling of freedom!
When I first started reading, the first line through me off a little. I think it might have been the word, "The." I think if you wrote, "Dear weather", it would sound smoother.
The feeling of rain on my face is like a little piece of Heaven raining down on me.
I'm not very good at seeing things wrong in someone's work, so if what I say seems to make no sense, then pay no attention to this.
What I love about this poem, is it's not just about rain. You added a unique twisted to it with the last half the poem. Very nice! And for all the poor souls with an umbrella, I agree! Who would want to use an umbrella on a perfectly rainy day?
Thanks for your comment! I completely agree, who wouldn't love the rain. Reading back I feel like removing the 'the' in the first would make it sound smoother so thanks.
Your welcome! Keep up the awesome work!
Rose
This poem was really nice! Well done!
I loved your contrast of the literal rainy day with the metaphorical one. It conflicted nicely and helped to show a part of the personality of the poet.
Just a small thing, in future, having stanzas would be lovely,as it helps to break up main ideas, kind of like paragraphs in prose. That's all though. Well done!
~Kazey
Thank you! I think that you're point is valid but I wanted this poem to flow in one long part like the rain!
-the poet