Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Well this was an intriguing piece over here which despite being very intriguing, didn't convey a lot of sense to me. First of all, the plot. The plot was honestly a bit incomplete. At the first glance, it seemsd very interesting and presented us with some intriguing mystery but the sudden ending just took everything from it.

I am not sure about the connection of the title with the story. I think it's rather it is connected with the story because it doesn't really go with whatever you wrote. There is no instance in the story reminded me of the title. But the title of the main piece is quite good. I think it would really connect with some instancw later.

Now the beginning. I think you could do a bit more at establishing the setting in the very begining. In the beginning, I thought we were at a restaurant or a hotel but then I got to know about the hospital. I think the setting could be established a lot earlier.

Going back to the plot, at first we got a scenario where I thought that some accident or something had happened. But then as the story progressed, specially during the end we saw a child interacting with the narrator. I am not sure how to interpret it now. And what about the number of patients? Everything went haywire and we were left thinking and wondering.

While a first chapter can often be confusing, U think this much confusion can actually be harmful to the plot. You could be a bit more precise and to the point rather than being that vague. But the plot indeed presents us with some uniqueness of its own.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well...this was an intriguing piece here. I think it gets your attention rather fast and then manages to keep said attention for a decent amount of time. There's certainly some very interesting things going on there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Let me in.” It wasn’t a question anymore. The flustered receptionist shook her head and returned to her paperwork wearily. “Please.” I was begging now. “They’re me best friends, practically my only family.” I locked eyes with her. “Please.” I repeated. She sighed and flagged over a young nurse in bright scrubs, muttering something about how she was too busy to deal with ‘these kinds of people’.

“Honey,” She said to the younger woman, “Could you please take Mr…”

“Aero.” I said quickly, running a hand though my hair as she entered my last name into her computer.

“Take Mr. Aero, to room one nineteen?” She asked, boredom ringing clear in her voice, and the nurse nodded politely, turning and starting down a long hallway. I followed on her heels, my head spinning. They had to be okay, he had to be okay… My thoughts were turned inward, my own personal version of Hell envisioning itself in my mind as I pictured what was waiting for me in the cold hospital room. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the nurse touched my arm.

“Sir, are you alright?” Her large brown eyes full of concern. She was pretty, pale clear skin with pink lips that seemed to glow under the florescent lights and I wondered briefly if things were different, if she’d be my type. I shook my head, trying to clear out the thought.

“I’m fine.” I looked around and realized that we had stopped walking.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I nodded annoyed with myself and we started moving once again. She was eyeing me carefully, as if one wrong word would set me into a rage.

“How do you know the patients?” She asked after a while, obviously trying to decide if it was a safe question to ask.

“Those patients have names you know.” I muttered.

Looks like she was right to be concerned. I wasn’t a big guy, but next to the fairy sized nurse I must have looked like the hulk. She apologized quickly.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s just, I’ve known them all my life, Jude, Nicole and I were inseparable growing up.” My stomach flipped as I said their manes and I grew more panicked, something that didn’t even seem possible. “Then one day they got married and had Claire..” I trailed off.

“Sir.” The nurse hesitantly cut me off, worry hiding in those brown eyes. “Out records say that there’s only two patients here, not three. I stopped and stared at her in disbelief. She quickly tucked her head down, hurried forward and disappeared into one of the many rooms.

With much effort, I finally regained control of my legs, took a deep breath after I realized I had stopped and followed her in.

The room was blank and white, saturated with the harsh smell of humanity and disinfectant. There were two beds in the room, each hidden by large, gaudy purple curtains. I rushed forwards, without thinking, and reaching over, tore the closest curtain back. The young nurse protested. A small blue eyed girl lay in the oversized bed, her head was down as she scribbled into a coloring book intently.

“Claire?” I said so softly it was almost a whisper, but the girls head snapped up. The crayon fell out of her hand and a smile lit up her small face. Claire stuck her arms out expectantly and I didn’t hesitate to pull her into a tight hug, burying my face into her soft blonde hair.