The Bastard Child

by ThorinEddardBaggins
  • December 16, 2012
  • Poetry
  • Fantasy · Fanfiction
  • A Game Of Thrones
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“I do not need your absolution, bastard child."
 
You close yourself off to him,
Slamming iron shutters to his pain,
You let your pain cloud your vision,
And poison the air he breathes.
 
You watch the one who sleeps,
But he has others who protect him,
The so-called bastard child,
Has none.
 
Your anger is misdirected
Misconstrued, misunderstood,
You loathe the bastard child,
For no other reason than what you call him.
 
You shut yourself away from the bastard child,
So he does to you, so you do to him,
The cycle continues, 
as sure as summer follows spring.
 
But now the winter is coming,
Your selfishness brings on a chill,
Brings a cold heart, a cold life,
A cold body.
 
Both children are lost,
But in differing ways,
One in mind,
One in heart.
 
You are lost too,
Blinded by unwavering hatred,
Irrational, irresponsible, irrevocable,
Intentionally lost.
 
You stray from your path,
You ignore the signs,
You stagger away from the trail,
Away from the bastard child.
 
 
You patronise him for trying,
You berate him for being ignorant,
You know not mercy or pity,
Pity The Bastard Child.
 
Bitch.
Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
SheepMonoxide
Review
SheepMonoxide wrote a review · Sun Dec 30, 2012 10:37 am

Hey ThorinEddardBaggins!!
I don't supposed this is inspired by A Game of Thrones? I've just started reading the first one and I'm pretty sure I read that line last night! (:
This won't be very good! As I haven't reviewed on YWS for a couple of years but I'll give it a go. (:
1. I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like you've gone comma mad. Maybe try some different punctuation, or removing them completely. You don't need countless commas, in my opinion! :P
2. "as sure as summer follows spring." Is the only sentence that starts without a capital; is this done on purpose? I don't know, it doesn't really look right to me.
(These were the only punctuation/grammar problems I saw!!)

3. I really love your use of alliteration on several of the verses, it's not too in your face, but makes a great effect on the emotion of the speaker of the poem; which I assume is someone outside of the mother and the "bastard child".
4. Repetition of "bastard child" brings us all back to the whole reason of the poem, I think it shocks you back to what it's about.

~Well anyway this is all I could think to write! It's a great poem, I love it and it really puts me in the mood to carry on reading A Game of Thrones! :P Sorry about the terribly written review haha. Keep writing!!

User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review · Mon Dec 17, 2012 1:55 am

Hey Hobbit! ;)

I don't review poetry very often, but I'm trying to get into the rythm, so here I am with an attempted review...

You watch the one who sleeps,

But he has others who protect him,
~ I think I'd have to advise you to make this a full stop--period.

Your anger is misdirected
~ Missing a comma at the end.

as sure as summer follows spring.
~ You capitalize every other line but this one.

~~~

Wow. This was powerful. I really enjoyed it, and pointed out grammatical errors because I could find nothing else to complain about. This was truly exceptional.

Keep writing!

~Shady

User avatar
lilmisssunshine13
Comment
lilmisssunshine13 commented · Sun Dec 16, 2012 10:11 pm

You made me cry. This is really well written.



I am and always will be optimist, the hoper of far-flung hopes, the dreamer of improbable dreams.
— 11th Doctor