Hi there thisislegacy! I noticed you said this was due tomorrow so I'll write some quick thoughts on it.
The major issue I see is that the paper doesn't really take a side on the question "Is fire or ice more appropriate for the depths of Hell?" If this was an informational essay about how Dante uses the metaphors of fire and ice to describe Hell, this would be fine. However, I feel like the assignment is actually to pick a side and use passages from the text to defend your thesis statement. At least, that's what most of the essays I had to write in high school did. In the future, I would clarify the assignment and nail down the thesis statement, then find text passages to support your thesis.
Many of the punishments for directly going against the words of God without actively hurting people involve fire in one way or another, which is appropriate because all these people knew what they were talking about and doing it before doing their actions.
I feel like this statement is poorly supported, as I'm not getting the same conclusion. Why is being frozen not an appropriate punishment for people who actively go against God's word? It would also be eternal and quite painful. If you were going to take the side of fire, I would use specific examples to explain and back up this sentence.
The paragraph on ice is stronger, which leads me to think that your thesis statement should favor ice over fire as the better representation of Hell. A good persuasive essay would present the evidence in favor of the thesis, then anticipate the counterargument and rebut it. So if your thesis statement is "Hell is really ice", the obvious counterpoint would be "Then why does the The Divine Comedy talk so much about fire?" I would think about where in the text could explain this and use quotes from the text to counter the potential counterargument.
“I hold with those that favor fire, but if I had to perish twice... for destruction of ice is also great and would suffice” Robert Frost, Fire and Ice lines 4-9.
This is a great poem for the intro, but the way you've shortened it feels odd, like something is missing. Personally, I would just go with the first two lines "Some say the world will end in fire/Some say in ice" to set up the idea of you discussing fire and ice in The Divine Comedy.
Overall, this has some solid points and the text is explained well. However, I think there needs to be a stronger position on the question with more examples to back it up. Keep writing and good luck on the assignment!
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