Published October 6, 2012
Eventually I stop running and slow down my pace, savoring the silence.
Here, I’m safe. For now I can stay hidden from the world. I figure I can head to the next town, but that would be risky. They would eventually find me, so being here is my only option. Unlike them, I know these woods well.
I settle down as I taking in the surrounding area and its peacefulness. This is a place untouched by humanity, wild and chaotic. I love it, but how long will this peace last? How long till the horrors of this world force into decay? I may not live long enough to know in the end.
I take out the gun I stole from the solider, and inspect it. It’s relatively unharmed and in good condition, so I waste no time and load it with a clip of the bullets I found. I’d rather be safe knowing this was loaded and ready. I take out my PPS next, and see that the local news the next town over is covering the attack.
“Last night another town was deemed infected by the white house, with situations like this becoming more frequent the president has urged everyone to stay inside and report any Infected behavior. These are as follows:
Mood swings, nausea, and blood shot eyes. If black spots appear on the person’s skin, contact authorities immediately for retrieval. “
The news anchor is nervous, as she fidgets with the papers on her desk, but that’s all the news I bother to listen to. I get up and strap the gun to my back, making my way deeper into the forest. Dawn is peaking on the horizon, so I need to move. I listen for any signs of military or their dogs. If I let up, I could be dead in the blink of an eye.
As I reach the summit of a large hill after a few hours of walking, that when I see the next town of Osberry, just as it too is being attacked. I’m far away from the action, but I’m both surprised and terrified at how fast they move. Then again, it’s the military, what should I have expected?
I rush back into the woods, but that’s when I hear the dogs running up the hill. They’ve found me. I pull out my gun, an AK-47, and take aim. Three dogs coming rushing up the hill, and I take out the first two, as the third skids toward my feet when I shoot it at the last second.
Then I feel something latch onto my arm, and I have to struggle to fight it off. When I finally get to it, it was another dog. Its teeth got to my left arm, and I turn and run for shelter. It hurts, but it will have to wait for later. Unless their deaf, I know the soldiers heard the shots. No matter where I look there doesn’t seem to be any shelter, but then I notice a small cave like space for me to fit into.
Right now it’s my only choice. I hear a few soldiers come my way, and I mow them down, but when I sneak out to check for more someone grabs me and nails me to the ground.
I reach for my gun, but then I’m hit with the butt of their gun and I fall into the darkness.
* * *
When I wake, I feel blood running down my face. My head throbs as I try to look around, as I notice I’m bound to a chair. I thought they killed everyone on sight. Now I’m frightened, wondering what they might do to me.
Then a door opens in the darkness, and the lights come on burning my eyes. When I open them again, I see a man holding a knife to my throat. This is when I think I’m going to die. Suddenly I hear another set of footsteps enter the room.
“Stand down Sergeant. I can deal with her.” He says coming toward me as the other man goes to the door. The man I’m left with has a large build, and is clean shaven. He looks at me with stone cold eyes, and next thing I know I’m turning away because I can’t look at him. He frightens me and he knows it.
“We eradicated Clare, yet there are rumors someone slipped away. We know this because one of our men turned up dead. Would you know anything about this? “
“No.” I say with confidence, even though I’m scared out of my mind.
I feel something hit me hard in the face, and then his face is so close to mine I can see the poor excuse for a mustache.
“We found you by Osberry, and you were carrying one of my soldier’s guns. Explain that.”
I feel like I can’t breathe, and I find myself stammering, “I…I...” I start freaking out, and next thing I know I feel like I’m on fire.
I can’t hear what the man is saying but I don’t care anymore. I think of the ruins and the bodies, death everywhere I look.
Death, death everywhere.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hello again Silent!
Your story continues to be action packed to the rim. And this time it gets better and fits more dynamic with the story.
But, there still isn't that much going on other than action. You got some character development going on as your character ponders the silent forests. But you need to slip in some character descriptions here, along with the name. I have no idea who this is.
There is something about this characters struggle for survival in this rural environment that I really like though. It's probably the overall story I find interesting, but nonetheless, I like it. I hope I'll see more of this story soon.
Alright, on to some grammar. There weren't too much, but I'll cover it.
I'm instead of I
How long till the horrors of this world force it into decay?
soldier instead of solider. Common typo.
I like the ending line. Oh, the horror.
Cheers
Birkhoff
Hey Thess!
I think the main issue with this piece is that there is waay too much action going on. Ideally you should balance your writing between action, dialogue, description and introspection. What proportions you balance these in depends on your style, but you should have at least some of each. Here in this piece you mostly have action. 'I do this, I do that, this happens as I do this. 'Something or other,' someone said and then I do that.'
I do really like what's going on. Starting stories is a lot harder than people realise, especially when the world its based in is so different from the one we're in. I think you've done well with this though. I was dragged head first into the story but you gave enough information to not leave me lost in the dust and this is a hard skill to get the hang of.
The only advice I can give is to buff it out more. What is surrounding your character? Think of light shading, unfamiliar smells, ambience. Also, what are they thinking. There is a difference between saying 'I felt sick' and 'I thought I was going to puke all over his shoes' (just as an example.) Introspection adds depth to your character.
I hope you carry on with this story. It's a good start!