Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression:Well this was quite the potent little prologue. Quite short but very punchy and that's a very powerful combination to have. I think you've done a great job here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Hello Edwin,

if you're reading this, that means you're already awake. Your head must be killing you. Right beside the microwave you'll see a glass of water. Drink it, and the pain should go away. I won't be able to see you for a while, so please, stay safe. Hope you won't forget our agreement, but just in case you do, open the blue box. There will be a little gift, to remind you of me, wherever you go.

Stay safe,

Grant

Well this is quite the start to a prologue here. Not the typical style of prologue were the start is a letter and I love it already. Just having such a different vibe to things here breaking the usual sort of tradition you see when it comes to a letter at the start of a prologue. Of course it certainly is just as mysterious and the message definitely gets you thinking but that shorter sweeter vibe and having just a little bit more informalness definitely gives it an extra air of mystery.

First off, who the hell is Grant? Second... What is the meaning of all this?

I never drink. Or should I say rarely. Not once, did it end well. There were times when I almost burned a wedding home, which I'm not going to talk about. This all... Was an accident, I suppose. At least from my side.

It all started on my cousin's party. Something work related? I don't know, I got the invitation a few hours before the whole thing. They wanted to make a toast, how could I refuse? I was supposed to drink only one. Look where I am now.

The blue box looked expensive. Inside I've found another note. I have to wear what's inside till he'll be back, or else I'll face the consequences. He can be back at any time.

Under the note, there was a ring. A wedding ring.

Oooh well the plot thickens quite a bit there. The sort of accidental alcohol situation is definitely a bit more of a common theme here, but I love that you've gone and elevated it just a little bit, changing up just enough things that suddenly its a very different and even more exciting situation. The inclusion of the wedding ring is just a nice little cherry on top I think. The second note definitely makes things more interesting as well. Definitely a powerful little cliffhanger for this here prologue.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a very powerful little prologue taking a couple more common styles and then taking them to places that you don't end up seeing too terribly often. It definitely makes for a very interesting scenario. Very nicely done there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate

Hello, My Friend!

Pleasure to meet you, and welcome to YWS! I am Raven, and I’d like to review your prologue using my Familiar method today (in other words, I use a themed format that's a spin-off of YWS's recommended one lol). Let’s dive in, shall we? Heh heh heh…

What The Black Eyes See...

Impressions: Fascinating prologue! Short, sweet, and right to the point. Very mysterious and somewhat foreboding, immediately introduces the mystery of the story, and gives us a glimpse of the narrator's thoughts on this first clue. Let's get into the details though.

Where The Dagger Points...

Corrections and recommendations: You did very well! In hopes of bringing your prologue to its best form, to really hook new readers, I do have a few recommendations free to take or leave ~

To start, the note in the beginning was great! To help it stand out a bit more, perhaps you could make the formatting a little different from the rest of the piece. Such as italicizing it. Double or single quotations could also work.

Now, for more technical stuff that could use a little more clarity, here:

It all started on my cousin's party.

I'm not sure if just "on" is the best word for the specific context. Perhaps better wording would be "it all started on the day of my cousin's party" or "it all started at my cousin's party."

And here:

I was supposed to drink only one.

Perhaps for clarity, "I was supposed to have only one drink."

And just one more time here:

I have to wear what's inside till he'll be back, or else I'll face the cosequences. He can be back at any time.

"Consequences" is missing an N, very minor error, and for clarity, perhaps match up the present-future tenses a bit. E.g, "I have to wear what's inside until he comes back, or else I could face the consequences. He could come back at any time."

Of course, I am not a professional, so please always take my advice with a grain of salt. I mean nothing negative by this, and the prologue was great as it was of course ~

Why The Grin Widened...

Highlights and special moments: A lot was very interesting here!

First of all, even though it was just speculation by him, just the idea that Edwin could face consequences for not following through with the commands is a bit eerie. However, the note made "Grant" sound like a kind and concerned friend. Already, I'm left wondering which angle will be more correct; if Edwin has somebody looking out for him, or if he'll run into some kind of trouble through this.

The sense of confusion from Edwin, which you captured very well, added another layer to the mystery. The fact that he doesn't even know this guy is so weird! Unless he was just too drunk to remember meeting him...but still!

With that clue alone, I would be willing to chalk things up to some kind of "one-night stand" situation, but the commands and this odd clue throws things off for me and doubles down on the unpredictability:

Under the note, there was a ring. A wedding ring.

Bit soon, don't you think Grant?!! lol

In all seriousness, I don't know what to make of this or where it's going, and I like it; I am interested!

Our Mad Thoughts...

Overall, excellent prologue! Nicely done!