When I first read this the subject matter confused me a little, but after re-reading it a few times, it makes sense now. But, I do like it, I love how you write.
They told him he'd never amount to them. They said that they were better than he was. They insulted him, commented on how his life was going. They threatened him, because he was friends with all the wrong people to them. They stalked him, because they wanted to know what he was like without what he had. Every night, he slept with the knife under his pillow. Were they there? Would they come through the door to finish him? Could he even use that knife against them? Was he that strong?
So imagine their surprise when he stood tall and put them back where they belong. Imagine their shock when he started to knock them down from the high horses they didn't deserve. Imagine their horror when he not only amounted to them, but showed them that he would always lurk in the shadows of their doubt. They no longer stalk him and he no longer sleeps with the knife. Now, it's them sleeping with the knife as he walks away. Was he here? Was his revenge going to be absolute? Was he going to find their fears and feed off them like the dark, twisted, and demented man we made him out to be?
He'll stroll back through memory lane, but not in sorrow, not in pain, but to see how far he has progressed since the end of those times. From years before to year past, he is no longer the little one in the world. He is now the one who will fade in the past of memories, but will never be forgotten. There are no nightmares of the past to threaten him from falling. There are no memories here to slay him down. There is only his happiness while they fidget.
They ask themselves, does she think about him? Am I like him? Was he better than me? Was he more caring, more devoted, more absolute in his love of her that I can never compare? But they will never ask. They will never voice their opinion. Fear stops them from asking her what she thinks about. Could they handle to hear her say his name like it was her drug? Is it the end of us while she tries to sort her heart out? Will she go back to him?
Every night, they lie awake, fear encasing them in their paranoia. For they have no idea where he may reside. He may watch to utilize on a moment to strike. He may not even be there. But they had made themselves so afraid of him and what they had created, they were liable to drive themselves mad with fear just to escape from the horror of their mind.
So, imagine their surprise when they realized that while they were talking about him, they were talking about me?
When I first read this the subject matter confused me a little, but after re-reading it a few times, it makes sense now. But, I do like it, I love how you write.
I like this so much. I like the writing style you used.
In the third sentence, 'commenting' should be 'commented' because you said 'insulted' rather than 'they were insulting'.
In line eight of the second paragraph, it seems to me like it should say 'find THIER fears' rather than 'find OUR fears', judging by the way the rest of it was worded.
In the second sentence of the third paragraph you missed an 's' on 'years'.
The whole forth paragraph seems completely unnecessary to me unless you want to elaborate on who exactly 'she' is and why she's important at all to the story.
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