Published October 8, 2011
My last wish…
After all what has happened to me,
I don't want revenge to thee.
It happened like it had to be,
I've lost all I had, nothing left – you see.
The sun that once raised overhead me,
Is dwindling down to just shades, away from me it's trying to flee.
The sky, when I look at it,
is calling me strangely to come above.
I no longer feel the breeze from the nearby cool river,
No longer nature's beautiful seen seem joyous to me.
Now before setting like the sun, and flowing away like this river,
I have only one last wish.
I can't get away with all these debts on my head,
Forgive me for my mistakes; forgive me for being late,
Late to understand the love, too late…
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140,916 Literary Works • 673,732 Reviews
First of all, great title. It really seems relevant considering the overall point of the poem. Second, the flow was okay. It rhymed, which was mostly a good thing because the words themselves that rhymed were nicely chosen. There was no overshadowing as to what the last wish was until the end, which gave suspense and kept me reading. The ending line was rockin' because it gives the sorta feel that the voice is trailing off into sadness.
If any of that made sense, then good. Also, I loved this poem and really great job! Keep writing!
This is a really moving poem. I myself could relate to many parts in this poem. My favorite line has to be
I can really see the world from the character's point of view in these two lines. How everything is still there in place, but there's an emptiness in the character. Continue to write more of your beautiful work!this is a good emotional poem but i would look at the rhyme scheme to improve it. The first stanza has the same rhyme through and that gives it a nice pattern but the second and third stanza a just a little random in their rhyme. I think you need to find away to either make the whole poem free verse and not rhyme or make a conscious decision to make the whole poem rhyme with one pattern and stick to it while still keeping the emotion which is visible in it. I shows a lot of promise and it did make me feel a bit teary but if you wish to improve and make it mind blowing that is the way i would go with it, because I find a good relevant rhyme very impressive in a poem. i hope that helps