Published August 14, 2010
Please call me on the phone
And listen to my voice,
Let me listen to your own.
Without you I'm alone.
These tracks are pounded down,
Day by day the solitude from you bores a hole in my chest.
Thank my heart and mind that these moments in recluse
Don't turn my soul to glass
So it can shatter on the packed dirt of these tracks.
But you took my hand and brought me out of this seculsion.
Your eyes light a flame big enough to burn away
All the dark gray ways that have haunted me;
The ghosts of my past.
So we encumber the sad with happiness,
And we lay side by side beneath the shimmering sun
While our love is still young.
(This is the first poem I've made for my girlfriend that I actually like. Hope you like it. And, most of all, I hope she likes it:D I don't mind any critisizing if you've got something to say---maybe it'll help me improve it.)
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,840 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey, hey! Shadow here!
I love it! It's sweet, and I love it! I know I'm not the best at reviewing, but oh well, I didn't see anything wrong with it, but I might have missed something.
So, if you need me to review anything, just shoot me a PM, and I'll take a look at it!
~xX~Forsakinshadow~Xx~
Thank you KitxKat:D
I really, really like that. It's the way you put all your emotion into one poem, which I think is super sweet.
I hope your girlfriend likes it too