Published April 6, 2009
I feel like the broken glass
of the vanity mirror she
uses to see her face.
Its been seven years since
we parted ways. Yet we still live
in the same old story.
She said "I am sorry"; I said "You are sorry?"-
"but I don't mind".
"Was it ever worth it?" she asked
"No. Never was", is all I could reply.
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140,848 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I thought that this poem was beautiful. Sad, but beautiful. k
Its always a pleasure to have your work critiqued by your contemporaries the world over. Always is.
Yes, I do a lot of typos while writing the poems; but my absentmindedness while typing is to blame.
Anyway its always a pleasure to write poetry, such a lot of themes, styles and the immense freedom of structure this genre provides to one, is unbelievable.
In the end i hope to be able to surpass my own accomplishments. Always.
Thanking you all
The_Vizier
O O
Hi, Vizier. I agree with bubblewrapped; this was very succint. I have just one tiny nitpick here:
You used a very good metaphor in the beginning, comparing yourself to shards of glass. The whole piece just seems to give off a desolate feel, and you definitely drew me in. I can't say anything else other than the fact that this is well written. Bubblewrapeped has already said everything I wanted to say, so I can tell you congratulations. Great work, and keep writing!
I like this - short, sweet and succinct. I particularly liked the seven years - broken mirror, seven years bad luck, etc. Nice. The formatting of the lines of dialogue felt a little awkward - I think that's probably my inner prose editor telling me dialogue should be on separate lines, but I also felt the dialogue itself was a little clunky with its lack of contractions. You might want to mess with those lines a bit, see if you can get them to flow more smoothly. Remember to capitalize the n of never in that last line.
Overall, a nice piece.
Cheers,
~bubbles