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Fiberglass

by TheWaterRises


Fiberglass.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

I felt like I was laying on a bed of pointed pins.

They dug in my thighs, my arms, my shoulders.

Why was this happening, repayment for my sins?

I couldn't get up, my legs felt like boulders.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

My clothes, my clothes, that's it!

I changed into some old jean shorts.

It made it worse, I have to admit.

So I changed into the clothes they use on basketball courts.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

It wouldn't stop, so I made a scene.

I cried for it to go away.

It felt like I forgot to wear green,

on this year's St. Patrick's day.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Maybe I can wash it out.

I showered, and showered, and showered.

In my distress, I wanted to pout.

In this battle, the fiberglass towered.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

I finally changed into a loose dress.

My clothes wouldn't rub against my skin.

After awhile, I felt like a mess.

At least this would stop it rubbing it in.

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

It seemed to slow, but not quite stop.

At least it wasn't as bad as before.

At least it wasn't over the top.

At least-- Oh wait, did I mention Fiberglass is a metaphor?

_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Fiberglass.


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Points: 319
Reviews: 2

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Sun May 15, 2016 1:25 am
thnksfrthcffn wrote a review...



Good poem! I like how the lines flow well, while also feeling playful at the same time. I think the way that you use the structure of the lines is used to gloss over the true meaning and soften the blow of the metaphor, which I personally love. I read this as an experience of dysphoria, with the emotional pain of "fiberglass" and the narrator's attempt to remedy the fiberglass by changing their clothes, but I'm not extremely sure. Again, great poem!




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Sat May 14, 2016 1:39 pm
RippleGylf wrote a review...



While it is entitled Fiberglass, I found it interesting how you didn't mention it in the poem until the very last line, which definitely made me smile. It feels slightly humorous, despite the painful subject matter. The rhyme scheme seems to bounce back and forth.

The wording of the fourth line in the fifth stanza could be changed to "At this would stop rubbing it in." Other than that, I thought the wording was good.

I read the metaphor as being social pressures, but I'm not entirely sure it was intended that way. Regardless, I enjoyed reading it.




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12 Reviews


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Sat May 14, 2016 1:31 am
Trelose wrote a review...



Hello there!

First, I've got to say I love your way with words. While most poets (including myself) love to target "beautiful" wording, I loved the slightly quirky/playful way you phrased it. There was one complaint I have, though it's just a nitpick:

"Why was this happening, repayment for my sins?"

I would personally phrase it as, "What was this for? Was it repayment for my sins?" But, the original wording is fine - this is just my personal view.

While I missed the meaning, it was still interesting to read and figure out what was going on.

Overall, well done!





"Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one's life."
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening