Ash is Falling

*Again, I wrote this this morning in economics. I was going through my notepads and I found something that a friend of mine had written for me in it. It was just a big heart withh "I love you--Ash" written in it. It touched my heart and I just picked up my pen and wrote. I'm not sure what my meaning is inthis, as my friend isn't bad and although I care greatly for her, this is not a love poem. I showed it to her and now she wants a copy for herself. She can have the original.

Be brutal, as I know this poem needs work. And remember, please come again![/quote]

(second stanza)
Her reactions she must cope.
Well, this didn't make much sense o.o. Just this line. I don't know why, maybe it's just me, but it still didn't make much sense ;o... Maybe you could phrase it better. Unless you want to explain it, then I could see if when explained it could be found out without the explanation and if it can stand being there XDDD

Ash, oh Ash,
I will painfully tell,
#FF0000 ">The Tale of how
Hard you fell,
Faster, Faster, down, untill...
I think the red parts should be put together. Maybe. When the line is skipped there, I think there's a pause, and that kind of ruins the stanza (for me at lest ;p) ^^

Ash, Ash, she fell
#FF0000 ">With utmost grace
But was still not cut out
For this inhuman race.
Did it hurt when you fell, Ash?
---When you capitalize every first letter on a new line (which is incorrect grammar. I never got why people did that. Is it just the style of poetry?) I think it is a new sentence, so I pause. But it isn't, so it comes out in pieces, when the poem could have a much better flow to it without all the pauses ^^ I liked the "WIth utmost grace" though :]

The poem was really sweet. It's kind of like talking about a girl who was bullied and everything, and she finally got tired of it and either died or killed herself. Then one asks if it was painful when she left. Or a popular girl who suddenly falls...
Kind of weird you gave this to her XD. Huh, symbolism :>

But I really liked the rhyming. I couldn't find other problems. That doesn't mean there isn't anymore or is more, but I just couldn't find anymore... hah. So yeah, good poem ^^

I don't think this poem needs much work, it's really nice the way it is. One thing though - are you talking about your friend, or are you talking about ash as is when-a-fire-burns-it-creates-ashes ash?

Keep writing!
Alzora

Thanks guys for the words of encouragement. I always love it when people read things I write and share how they make them feel.

I really like this poem, quite inspiring and it also makes you think, and I mean in the creative sense XD
Two things I'd like to point out; 'Thos' I believe you meant "Those" and the extra l in fell on the last piece at the end.
Other than that, brilliant! There are no other typo's or mistakes really.
And this is also very sweet =)

Oh WOW! Well, obviously all you need is some grammatical corrections, here and there. I'll be honest, I'm not very poetic, but I really like this poem.

Sorry, I know this is a general answer, but I hardly know anything about poetry. I just wanted you to know that you have made a very beautiful piece.