Published May 12, 2010
To start.To start.
Not an easy thing.
Do I question? Do I state? Do I personify this plate?
I have not yet started tapping those keys;
forming those letters and words which form poetry. All alone.
4 hands are always better than one.
So I use her expressions and employ her words, I even exercise her patterns of speech.
But today I sit in awe of her, and construct this artform to keep in her bedside drawer.
My Partner in Poetry
She guides my written trail
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Canary word: Present
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141,411 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
The first three line was cool except for the period that followed after each To start. The next two lines that followed contained unecessary words like "letters and word" and the using of "forming" and "form" in the same line. also what is the essence of "All alone".
The "always" in the line that follows is over stressing it.
The rest i think am cool with.
And by the way am still trying to anticipate who that partner is.
I thought this was cool and it felt free; it didn't feel like you were determinedly bound to a certain rhyme scheme, like many try to do. Like Suzanne, I really like the first three stanzas but not so much the ones after. I also agree that something's lacking, but I can't say what. Just try "tweaking" it a little. Play with it, add to it, until you can find that flow.
I'm not entirely sure what to think of this poem even though I somewhat like what you've done in certain places. The beginning of it, the first three stanzas, is probably my favorite.
But the poem still feels empty. You're talking about writing poetry, you're talking about this partner whom the reader doesn't know - and the poem is empty. Left hanging on the end, a bit, with not much solid ground to stand on. I'm not entirely sure what you could do to improve this, but if you want to make it lively poem, it'll need some redoing. Not sure where, not sure how. But if this is just poem-letter to your poetry partner, than I suppose it is fine.
I guess in some places you could try to make it flow more. The fourth stanza doesn't flow at all, and I'm a bit irritated by the use of four in digit form. Also, I feel as though you need a line break after words. The lines are just... too long. I think that's what this lacks: the flow. The beginning has flow, but the bottom falls out.
Best of luck!