My treasure, I found you right there on my screen. oi!
My gem, I muddled your mess of web, broke into that seal
My beauty, actuellement doesn’t mean what you think it does so
My truffle, my French has reached its peak in history, I’ll just rev
My heart, I have the key, I speak in old englishe
My darling, you know who you are, this wasn’t addressed to you, but to my thumb
My thumb, you’re the one. We share the wisdom of words, not that old englishe girle
My curly, you’re my life, my mind as an academic
My sweet, I hope you’re taken aback
My one, you know I love you. My darling, think about this. Does satisfaction exist? ha
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Hmph.
Fine. I take it the 'you' is (mostly) addressing the thumb, then?
This certainly makes things interesting. You found your thumb on the screen.
Indian, actually by genes, British by birth, from Aotearoa if you looked at her passport. Speaks French and Spanish, too, if that at all counts.
And is hardly old.
Why ask if the previous poem was satisfying if the very existence of satisfaction is called into question. It's like asking: do you like aliens, when in fact, their existence is suspect.
But yes, in the short run it does. It's called: marginal utility.
Honestly, Unknown, this isn’t your most impressive piece that I’ve read of yours.
I mean, I can tell that you’re trying to do something new and funky, but this seems a little too funky. The use of ‘my’ is, well, irritatingly repetitive. I think if it were in a form with some stanzas, it would be different.
Also, I don’t understand the use of ‘ha’ and ‘oi’ and the likes.
I think with a different set up, this would be a better poem. But it’s really, right now, nothing more than a bunch of lines right now. It lacks structure but it could definitely change and become better.
If I didn't know that you deliberately meant it, I would have screamed at you for using "my" at the beginning of each line. But, fortunately, you're safe.
The thing is, I like it, but like many poems I read, I don't get it. Emotions like that are still to complicated for me. What's with a thumb that is so wise and the old English and whatnot? Well, I don't know.
But, it's a great job anyways, so keep up your personal style!
The Blue Rasperdoodle