I knew a boy with eyes as deep as the Earth. Ones that would take your breath away in a moment, one look and it was game over. He did everything he could to keep himself up while also trying so hard to be a shoulder for everyone else. No one noticed when he fell.
He was a boy disguised as a man, but not in a bad way. Not in a "foolish and toxic" way but in a "grew up too fast" way. He had to sacrifice things he didn't really need to, to take the job a father should have and he didn't deserve that.
He was the boy who walked to the store for milk, then came home with only half a gallon, the boy who couldn't afford much so he prioritized work and home over education. He was the boy who put on the mask of a man to make sure things got done the right way the first time.
I saw the boy. I followed him. I knew this boy, saw his eyes, and I chose to love him. I chose to love the boy and ignore the man because I didn't know there was one. I didn't know that this man was pushed back, shoved into a far corner of the world, because the boy wanted to love me, too.
The boy wanted to see me smile, laugh, and wanted me to be happy for as long as possible. He continued to ignore the man, the same man who kept him safe for so many years. The man kept telling the boy that he was getting distracted, that there were others that needed him, not just me, and that the boy needed to go. The boy needed to go to the store for half a gallon of milk, needed to prioritize home over love. The boy needed to put on the mask of the man and grow up.
So the boy turned around, and for once, his eyes as dark as the Earth weren't on me. And I felt empty. I watched the boy put on the mask and, for the first time, I met the man. But the man wasn't kind. The man wasn't the kind of kind you would go to the store and see, this wasn't a man you would smile and wave at on the sidewalk. He wasn't peaceful and gentle, not soft and respectful. He didn't have the eyes of the boy. He had eyes as deep as the darkness, as dark as the void.
The man slapped the boy's hand out of mine and told me to leave, so I bowed my head and did. The boy looked back at me with those eyes. I began to regret it. But I kept walking.
So when people ask me, "what happened to the man?" I shake my head. "I knew no man," I'll tell them. "I knew a boy with eyes as deep as the Earth. Eyes that would take your breath away in a moment." Because I didn't take the time to get to know the man. I only knew the boy. And the boy was a good man. As good as he could get.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,739 Reviews
eeee i love this a ton tao! As someone who doesnt read a ton of poetry, ive grown to read reading yours! youre sorta like my favorite poet
Awwwwww! thank you so much! I love seeing you on my page <3
im glad! :>
Hey Tao, came to lift this out of the Green Room 😊
I rly like your first paragraph, setting up who this boy is. And the final line of that is just very intriguing.
Oha, I don’t think I know how to interpret that he only came home with half a gallon. He couldn’t afford more? Or did he give away half of it on the way home? If the former… then he still got milk in the end, right? Just… I’m confused but it’s not bad.
“ignore the man because I didn't know there was one“ Oh I really like this. Means the narrator is not fooled by the façade that the boy puts up. Very well done! Tho not sure abt the following sentence. Because it kinda feels like in everything, the man is pushed front and centre, no? From what you described?
Aww: “because the boy wanted to love me, too.“
Feel like at this point in this paragraph, “the man” is getting repetitive. Also from the way you arrange your sentences, it’s just not flowing well: “ the same man who kept him safe for so many years. The man“
I do love how you describe him in the following paragraph tho. Especially this: “He had eyes as deep as the darkness, as dark as the void.“
Oh what a lovely piece of writing. Feels more like poetry than a story so even more to think abt than usual. Just… Most of it goes over my head so I keep talking abt prose instead :3
Have a great day :3
Now go and review some poetry!
Ahhh! I love your reviews!! Gives me things to explain!
So, I don't know how it is in Germany, but in America, when you go to the store, you can buy a full gallon of milk, or a half gallon. The half gallon is just a little smaller, but where I'm at, it's about 2-3 dollars (1.72-2.58 euro's). A full gallon can cost up to 5 dollars (4.30 euro's) or more.
The point of this spoken poem was to be repetitive. The reason why "the man" is mentioned is because the narrator loved the boy, however, the boy didn't inform her or tell her about the man. The boy shoved the man away.
We see that the narrator talks a lot more about the man, mostly in denial. She's hurt she didn't know about the man until it was too late, and she's partially blaming the man, thinking the boy is innocent, when he really isn't.
She's trying to defend this boy who hurt her just as much as the man did.
The biggest reason why I separated them into a form of two different people was to put this into mind. While we know the boy and the man are the same person, our narrator keeps splitting them so she can place the blame on someone. She doesn't want to think of them as the same. She doesn't want to believe that the boy would hurt her.
I hope that helps!
~Taost
But the man needed love too, craved for her attention too. He wished the girl would see him as much as he sees the boy. For the man is as much as the boy, but fate made him bear life across his shoulders, with heavy weight of burden and responsibilities he couldn't just shrug off.
Nonetheless, the man allowed the boy to fall for the sweet laughter, the peaceful hours with her. To give the boy strength to reach out to the man, and courageously say, "Can't you see, with her, we can be happy?".
Day by day, the man allowed the boy, to show him her soft smile - a light that pushes through cracks and fissures, and brings down walls that separate the boy and the man.
But the time is short, and the world doesn't wait, it was not enough, the girl couldn't see the man is as much as the boy. So they had to let her go, with blind hope that destiny will play a role. And so the man can only wait for the woman.
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HIIIII. I just tried some random response, to give the character of the man some nuance and depth. I hope it's okayyy. I kind of felt like for a literature, this needs to have a response or an opposite POV.
And I just want to say, that your writing (the story) piqued my interest, so much, that it pushed me to write a response with delight! But I apologize if this comes out intruding and selfish of me.
AHHH! OMG OMG OMG!!
Nooo! This will never be selfish or intruding! I love when people connect with my work and add to it! It's always so fun to see what others come up with!
I loved how you built your own perspective and view of the man/boy! It really does push the story and while it isn't the view for the man that I had, I'm happy it was a view you imagined.
Everyone is different, and while other writers might get upset, it really warms my heart when others get attached to my work and write on.
Thank you for the little insight to another point of view! I really do love it!
<3