I don't want to be too hard on this poem because you're obviously are going through a rough time, and I know how that feels so
This is a common theme amoung teenagers which is fine, writing I find is a great way to get your feelings out; I know I feel so much better once I write. The best thing about poetry is you can make it ANY way you want and it really can't technically be wrong.
So maybe just because the kinda of cliche rhymes, I'm kind of put off by the poem, so the first thing I do when I know I'm going to write a poem that's going to rhyme; i get rhyme.com up in my sidebar immediatly.This allows you to find a diversity of new words that you wouldn't have thought rhymed! This helps make your rhymes sound different and make people appreciate them more.
Ermm Your spelling is generally fine, although along with concentrate you also mispelled penetration; so that's good- no major problems there at all.
Your layout of the poem was good- I like the couplet at the end- nice touch. Um I think I'll leave you with that for now...
Also just to let you know if your really struggling with cutting, asking for help is always the first step and I'm always here to talk, because I've been through those same things.
So with that I will bid you goodnight and I hope you continue to write!
Points: 1132
Reviews: 18
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