Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee (and not with me). Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb (whom I have never met). Can you be with me now?
I gaze upward, but the void within my mind is just as empty as before.
Suddenly, I understand why final efforts are called Hail-Marys-- they cannot guarantee a cure. Even through this mantra, I cannot connect to the being whom I am supposed to trust.
The church tells me I am cured of informality, and offers up a stained glass window.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi! I enjoyed this short story a lot. It wasn't what I expected at first, of course, I thought it was going to be ranting about the religion (which I'm not particularly fond of myself, because I am not Christian, though some of my family is), but I found something different.
The first thing I thought about this poem was that I relate. I understand the message, and it's something I have experienced in my life. Though a bit hard to understand at first, I definitely understand it after reading it over.
Overall, the description is very beautiful and the topic is an interesting one. I think that some might not enjoy it as much because of it's length, but I think it is a great length for a short story with a quick, short topic with no real plot. There is also a large range of grammar used to express the narrators opinion.
The only problem I seemed to find, after reading it over, was the line "offers up a stained glass window". I love the concept of stained glass windows in a story, because it can be described so beautifully, but it didn't make that much sense.
Maybe write something like "and glared at me through a stained glass window" or something that makes a bit more sense.
Great writing. Hope I helped!
-Space
The line about offering up a stained glass window is to say that the church cannot give the narrator God; they can only show her a supposed picture of him within the church. Thank you for the review!
Oh, I see. ^^ No problem!
Hello there. Pastel here for a hopefully helpful review and some comments and opinions!
At first reading the title, my first thought was that this was going to bash on Christians or the entire religion in general. It kind of lured me in to say the least, because I've had Christianity shoved down my throat numerous amounts of times, so I'm not so fond of the religion. However, I was left a bit confused with what this story was really trying to tell in the end.
I felt that with this short length, it would be blunt about the point of this, or maybe have some sort of grand reveal in the end. However, the ending didn't really reveal anything, and the whole story in itself didn't reveal much either. Maybe it's because I'm not Christian, and due to that the meaning it flying right over my head? Maybe.
But, while I don't know the true meaning behind this, I can, strangely enough, relate to it. As I stated a bit before, I'm not Christain, a Satanist actually. While in Social Studies class when we have our discussions, our teacher and a religious friend of mine would go on and on about Jesus, and I would be utterly confused. I've never been a Christain since birth, pretty much, and I've been told I would be going to Hell before anyone in my class knew what Hell was. I didn't know what a cross was until fourth grade.
Hehe, sorry for that little ramble! I can go all day talking about religion and how it shouldn't really even be a thing because it has separated many people, ruined friendships and relationships, and so on - it's a topic that gets me going, fired up, you know? Anyways, I'm gonna wrap it up here.
Toodles, and happy writing!
-- Pastel
The story is flash fiction, and is about not connecting with God because of his distance from humanity. Thank you for the review!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
First, I am not Roman Catholic or belong to any other denomination so I am not looking at the piece from, any particular denominational perspective. I don't believe that there is any particular merit in rote repetition of the same words over and over since what God evaluates is a person's heart and not merely what comes out mechanically out of the mouth.
But the composition doesn't criticize that aspect of the Hail Mary. Instead it focuses on the message that she is blessed as opposed to the one saying the Hail Mary. It also takes a stab at belief in Jesus by saying that you have never personally met him.
I find that those two points are flawed and that their logical flaw detracts from the short piece making the narrator appear to be irrational, Why? Well, does one really need to personally meet Buddha. or Mohammed to agree with what they taught? Do we need to meet those persons in order to be convinced that they existed. If we apply those two criteria to all historical figures then we wind up not believing in anything at all
The second point is that just because Mary is said to be near the Lord doesn't automatically mean that the rest of mankind or even the person saying the Hail Mary is being automatically excluded.
There is also the assumption that the Hail Mary 's purpose is to give us a closer relationship with God. The Catholic Church doesn't teach that the Hail Mary produces that type of transformation in the one who recites it. It is merely a chant in her honor. In fact, it is also used as punishment for those who go to confession. A sort of being made to stand in the back of the room when one is naughty at school. "Say 100 Hail Mary's and put 25 dollars in the contribution box my son and your sins are forgiven. that sort of weird thing. Of course the person feels forgiven and goes right back to sinning again. After all, he can always say a couple of hundred more Hail Mary's.
The piece suddenly shifts to the requirements of formalism. Well, since when has Roman Catholicism not been formal in its worship? This makes reader ask why doesn't the writer simply choose another denomination since he sounds as if he is being forced to attend and to perform rituals.
Because of that the whole composition comes across as simply an annoying, unnecessary complaint. In short, subject-matter has potential but it is being approached in the wrong way.
Hello, and thank you for reviewing! This piece is from a flash fiction prompt, meaning it had to be ninety-nine words.
This piece is meant to portray the struggle of an individual to connect with God. The "and not with me" is more of a lament. God is with Mary, but not with me, because I do not speak with God. There is a feeling of inferiority noted here.
The Hail Mary is meant to relieve the speaker of their sin, to make them forgiven. The narrator in this piece calls out to God with this Hail Mary as a final effort to bridge the gap between himself and the Diety. But it doesn't work. Even though he is "legally free" of sin, he still cannot approach God.
The church cannot provide the revelation that this person needs to comprehend/form a relationship with God. All they can offer is the stained glass picture of Jesus at the front of the church.
Hope this clears things up!
-Grace
Hey there! Happy Review Day! c:
So, I sorta have this feeling that I'd agree with you on what point your making, but maybe that's because I just watched a thing called The Tomb of Jesus last night, and another similar video today...
But, I'm not really sure what you're saying here? It's extremely short, which would be okay I think if you really got your message across... but I don't feel like you have got it across- at least, you haven't to me! I thought I would understand by the end of this piece what you were saying, thinking it would be revealed in a grand ending- but the grand ending didn't really reveal much, that I could see. Maybe it's because I'm not super aware of Christian in-church practices/cultures? I've never been a Christian, so maybe that's why?
This seems very poetic, but I still don't understand what it's supposed to mean and how the church saying that, and the stained glass window are supposed to be related to each other, or how they aren't, or what you're trying to say there? Are you saying simply that the church is a very formal place?
I guess my advice is: give us more. Explain what you're trying to say in greater depth. This is listed under Short Stories, but I feel like it could lean to either poetry or article/essays- but if it is supposed to be a story... who are the characters? What's happening? I want to know more! This is barely the [i]beginning of a story! Where is this happening? Why am I reading it?
In any case, I think you have a potentially good start of something and am interested to see if you add onto it! Keep it up!
-Socks
This was a flash fiction piece, specifically for a contest that required it to be ninety-nine words or less. That's why it's so short.
Basically, this person comes to the church to find Jesus through prayer and confession, but she doesn't. She realizes that the church cannot give her anything concrete, because they still consider her forgiven even though she failed to contact God. The only Jesus they can give her is a stained-glass window.
Hope that clears things up, and thanks for reviewing!
I had a similar experience when I posted a flash fiction but the reviewer evaluated it with regular short-story standards. So what I do now is include Flash Fiction and the number of words used after the title in order to avoid that misunderstanding.
This is ZeldaIsShiek here to review an amazingly true (and short) work about religious imagery and how religion is a formality that human beings undertake not for their own beliefs, but because it is what is popularized and has been taught to them by who they think is trustworthy. Just because something is popularised does not make it correct or, in any way, the right thing to believe or do. Something else this work reminds me of is how dull the experience of formal religion can be, and how necessary and culturally sound an abstract construct without true scientific backing or a real evolutionary advantage can be to a large group of people.
I feel that this work truly does represent me, especially because I am not a member of any religious group and do not intend to be. I do not believe in the myths of the past, nor do I compare my Fairy Tales with your Mythology books. I choose to believe what is true and what can not be declared false by opinion alone, but by cold, hard evidence. Only in scientific fact is the truth of the universe and its reality sound. Can anyone really tell you that you are wrong without first finding themselves guilty of impersonating God?
Sorry about the rambling and my own opinions. Your writing is sound and reasonable, like I think mine is... Maybe... Good job, and have a merry Review Day!
Thank you!