Published February 12, 2010
Falling so serenely into the void, I grasp at everything before me
The storming air lashes my hands
The rushing fire burns my flesh
The cascading water drenches my body
The pummeling earth bashes my entirety
The torrent sways of falling and rising with such duplicity
The maelstrom forces of placation and disambiguation contend so
The untamed powers of essentiality and obscurity render forth
Yet for all the chaos that surrounds and encompasses
Serenity takes hold of me
Harmony beckons to me
Tranquility avails within me
In The Void of Nothing
The Body may injure
At contention
But Nothing can harm The Soul
At peace
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,620 Literary Works • 675,176 Reviews
Not that bad a poem, I quite liked the description in it especially at the start. Just going to point out now a few things Id have changed or think would have made it work better. First the word 'pummeling' I personally dont think that it works where it is, that it belongs especially with all the other words you were using. I would replace it with suffocating or something similar to that.
Hope that didnt annoy you too much and helped
"The torrent sways of falling and rising with such duplicity" I would take the 'of' there out and replace it with a comma.
"Yet for all the chaos the surrounds and encompasses Serenity takes hold of me" I would also change 'the' to 'that'
"Nothing cannot harm The Soul At peace" I wouldnt have used 'cannot' I would have said 'can' instead
And there we have it