z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Clockwork Gears

by TheSilverFox


I feel like the gears of the clockwork’s respective hands.

Minutes for the ex-pend-i-tures,

Seconds for the qualms.

Time keeps its lonely beat,

As we all move beyond…

Awaken, my liege, do not cease to be,

“I think therefore I am” should be your philosophy.

Pay heed to the clock, watch the hands move.

Too much! A minute behind; best run and hurry!

You’ve saved yourself quite the trifle,

Dodged the expenditures.

Awakened at least, fed beyond fast,

Now it is time for the scissors.

Snap away the bonds of home,

For now you have the stifling school.

A second too soon? A second too late?

No qualms have grown! No, you fool! 

Ciencias naturales, a report due on time,

Ciencias sociales, fallen just behind,

Dash to your classes, dash past your rashes,

Must not drop a beat, or you fall into the street!

For you know it is a harsh world out there,

The domino tipped spawns cold hairs.

Have you a mind? A brain? A soul?

No time for that- cannot let the falling dominoes control!

I feel like the gears of the clockwork’s respective hands.

Minutes for the ex-pend-i-tures,

Seconds for the qualms.

Time keeps its lonely beat

As we all move beyond…

El desayuno cripples in your stomach,

No, el almuerzo does not flush it out,

Oh, save the fact - a little in-di-ges-tion of the stomach

Never hurt a fly, do try!

Physical education, it did not work away your doubts.

Mathematics, too, you felt the bout,

Have you forgotten your backpack? The notebook? The pen?

Oh, the qualms and expenditures,

High past 10 at 2’s gone an’ been!

“English, what the irony,

To teach me what I already know!” you say fleetingly.

Yet you pay heed of the clock, the one you know doth well.

Dash out of school, when you hear the bell.

You hope you make it home, sure and swell,

Every second is an eternity, and you know well,

Gone past the door, the little clammy ail,

-ment, into your homework – gosh, to tell!

“Give ‘er a rest, child,” he might say,

Heed not his words, nor his foray,

It is time only to you that matters, as it has always been,

A to F to minus to plus – To whom does it matter?

As long as you drink up every moment of time, the ol’ gin of sweet, sweet lime…

I feel like the gears of the clockwork’s respective hands.

Minutes for the ex-pend-i-tures,

Seconds for the qualms.

Time keeps its lonely beat

As we all move beyond…

“Thank you for your time, good sir,”

Old Father Time shivers,

“You’ve done a turn o’ your life,

Now you sit watching the TV fife”

“May you have a good brief benign—

Time, yes, indeed.

Let the hours slip by, go to sleep,

Awaken again, as I grow stronger in your strife…”

“…you may suppose that quality is rife,

With failure, oh, indeed!

Must be quantity, one to keep,

Or else you shall not have sleep!”

Oh, to what I would give, to be one of the Spanish,

Estan un familia centro personas, indeed.

Mi tiempo libre, tu tiempo libre,

No ser usa para perozoso tiempo!

“El tiempo es el oro,” said Benjamin Franklin,

And what, to say, do we maintain this imbalance?

Do not let time be the maker of your fate,

Nor the lackadaisical hound be the contriver of your abate

-tion, for in the end,

Let us not be lazy, when we can be alive,

Let us not be too busy, when we can be inteligente.

I feel like the gears of the clockwork’s respective hands.

Minutes for the ex-pend-i-tures,

Seconds for the qualms.

Time keeps its lonely beat

As we all move beyond…

I feel like the gears of the clockwork’s respective hands.

Minutes for the ex-pend-i-tures,

Seconds for the qualms.

Time keeps its lonely beat,

As we all move beyond…

…hope.

Translation from Spanish to English:

Ciencias naturales. (Science.)

Ciencias sociales. (Social Studies.)

El desayuno. (Breakfast.)

El almuerzo. (Lunch.)

Estan un familia centro personas. (They are family centered people.)

Mi tiempo libre, tu tiempo libre. (My free time, your free time,.)

No ser usa para perozoso tiempo! (Not to be used for lazy time!)

“El tiempo es el oro.” (Time is gold.)

Inteligente. (Intelligent.)


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Sun Jan 25, 2015 8:49 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there SilverFox! Niteowl here to review!

First off, I have to say as someone who studied Spanish for many years that "Estan un familia centro personas." sounds like gibberish to me. Often, if you try to translate word-for-word like that, it will sound weird thanks to the varying word choice and grammar rules. Granted, I'm a bit rusty, but I think a better way to say this is "La gente se enfoca en la familia" (literally: "The people focus on the familia").

No ser usa para perozoso tiempo!


So this is grammatically incorrect as well. A better phrasing would be "No hay tiempo para pereza!" (There is no time for laziness).

Now, on to the poem itself. I agree with a previous reviewer that it felt long. I think the length made the rhyme scheme harder to maintain. Some were fine while others seemed forced. Consider cutting some of the forced rhymes.

Do not let time be the maker of your fate,

Nor the lackadaisical hound be the contriver of your abate

-tion, for in the end,


Like this. If you have to break up a WORD to make your rhyming work, that's a sign that it is not working.

I'm also not sure I understand the purpose of the Spanish words. It just feels really gimmick-y to me.

More to the point, I'm really confused as to the main message of this piece. At first, it seems like you're depicting a do-this-do-that-don't-be-late society as a bad thing, but then you say don't be lazy. If we're not resting and enjoying our lives ever, are we not doing just what the MC does at school?

Let us not be lazy, when we can be alive,

Let us not be too busy, when we can be inteligente.


First off, are these two lines supposed to rhyme? Alive has a long i song (like hive), while inteligente has a long-a (Spanish e) sound at the end. Not even close.

I'm also not sure I see busy and intelligent as opposites. Clarify that.

The use of the "Ben Franklin" quote is strange. If you mean Time is money (Spanish: El tiempo es el dinero.), it seems to contradict your point. "Time is money" is a saying often uttered by the proponents of the very lifestyle you're critiquing. It suggests that we should be busy all the time, always doing something, always working. It seems like you're trying to say the opposite, that we shouldn't be wasting our time "being busy", but rather enjoying what time we have. Overall, figure out exactly what you're trying to say, because it's not coming across very well.

To end on a positive note, I really liked your refrain.

Overall, you have a lot of interesting ideas, but the rhyme scheme and contradictions are making them unclear. Keep writing! :)




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Sun Jan 25, 2015 6:37 am
godlypopo wrote a review...



Hello, happy review day!

This was an interesting poem that kept me reading throughout. You use amazing grammar and details which make it such a beautiful poem to read. I like how you used snipits of Spanish here and there as it made the poem seem a lot more unique than ones in a solid language. Yes, this is a long poem, but the fact that you keep your tempo and consistency up through the whole thing is majorly impressive. I like how you complain about English being a subject where you learn a already known language as it makes both the poem and the reader very unique. Why? Because many people would much rather keep to their own language.

I see the clockwork imagery as a image of lonlyness. You sit there as your impatience of all the other subjects ticks away mindlessly. Loneliness could be related to the clocks ticking hand as it is on its own forever. However, I believe that a stronger meaning behind the clocks hand would be that it is set on one path for life. I might be wrong but I think you mentioned school being an eternity. This goes very well with the image of being set on one path for life as you are forced to learn what school compels you to do. When you say [b]time is gold[\b] the whole meaning is emphasised. You tell us that you want to spend more time efficiently that using it at a restricting school.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this poem and I cant wait to see more of your works. Whilst some may want shorter poems, I say stick to the long ones mate, they are amazing!

That's all from me,
Godly :D




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Sat Jan 17, 2015 11:21 pm
BrittleBird wrote a review...



Interesting poem! I would first like to point out the lack of reviews on your work, which I think is due to it's daunting length. Not to say long poems are bad! It is usually the case, though, that long ones tend to be skipped over because readers are saying "I don't know if I want to spend all my time reading this, if it might not be good anyway!" (p.s., it is good). What I like to do, to get more consideration in the long run, is to separate long ones into two or more poems by themselves. I understand if these words need to stick together though (;

That being said, I would like to say your use of two languages in one poem is very intriguing. Also, this seems like one big life philosophy, which is cool. Keep on on feeding your creative mind with writing! Great job!




TheSilverFox says...


Thank you, BrittleBird! This has to be the first review I've seen on one of my literary works. Thanks! Yeah, I seem to have a passion for composing and writing very long works. I still can't tell if this meant to be more of a long poem or a medium-sized song, since I incorporate a lot of song-like aspects and I usually hum to it as such. Yes, I understand why people might be turned away by long works - when I display my next writing piece, I might break it up into pieces and display them individually. I'm happy that you enjoyed my work. :D. Thanks for your review! I have a lot of more ideas for future pieces, and I'm eager to publish them on the Young Writer's Society! :D




“Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell