z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Take me home

by TheSilentBagpipe


(Verse 1)

I sit and stare out my window,
Dreaming of far away days.
The days of seeing distant lands,
I yearn to feel the sand upon my feet.
I yearn to be rid of the same old feeling,
The feeling of defeat.

(Chorus)

Dreaming of brighter rays,
Of getting rid of the darker days.
Take me where I want to go,
Take me to the people I don't know.

(Verse 2)
Living my dreams,
never been happier.
Or so I tell the people who ask.
Yet my dream isn't all I wanted it to be,
My eyes are open and now I see...

(Chorus 2)

Dreaming of brighter rays,
Of getting rid of the darker days.
Take me where I want to go.
Take me back to the people I know.

(Verse 3)

Home is where the fields are,
free for me to roam.
Home is where the people are,
Who never make me feel alone.
Home is where I go,
whenever I am feeling low.
Home is where I belong.
So I am going to say so long. 

(chorus 2 repeat)

Dreaming of brighter rays,
Of getting rid of the darker days.
Take me where I want to go.
Take me back to the people I know.

Authors Note - Okay, so please be harsh in your review....I need some advice because I fear that this song is lacking something. I made it in two days, totalling time would be like an hour or less. This is my very first song I have ever made, after trying many many times to write one. RIP IT TO SHREDS! Thanks! =)

Ps. I am not sure about a tittle just yet =)


 

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118 Reviews

Points: 629
Reviews: 118

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Wed Jul 22, 2015 12:37 am
IceWinifredd wrote a review...



Hello there TheSilentBagpipe!

IceWinifredd here for a review! First of all, I really like the idea behind the lyrics of this song. 'Home is where the heart is' is what a lot of people say these days. I also like how it's so easy to relate to and that the lyrics themselves have a way of painting a vivid picture in your mind and making you feel a foreign longing for your home. The only thing I would suggest that you change is the wording in a sense that it seems too manufactured and it doesn't sound very natural. I actually ran into the same problem on one of my songs as well and someone was kind enough to point it out. Other than that, I really liked this piece and I would you continue to write more lyrics. Have a great day! -IceWinifredd






Thank you so much! I found this one choppy to but left it since it was my first song =)



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131 Reviews

Points: 7350
Reviews: 131

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Sat Jul 11, 2015 12:05 am
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chancesnchanges wrote a review...



Hi! there TheSilentBagpipe :)

First off, I can't grant your request to be harsh. Why? Because of the mere reason that it was a beautiful composition. I, even, actually, had a tune in mind while reading it. Somewhat R&B like Lil' Eddie's Statue. I don't if that really matches the composition but that's what I came across to.

Hence, I really like the message. Being hopeful, living your dreams, leaving home but, always, always, coming back. The feeling was warm & calming.

My personal fav. lines were:

Home is where I belong. 
So I am going to say so long.

^It clearly depicts what I had said in the preceding paragraph :)

But I suggest that if you're not satisfied with your work, listen to as many songs that you like. And, you can still go back & edit your composition. As they say, there's always room for improvement. Thus, I can't comment on the punctuations because it's properly placed. God Bless :D and congratulations on your 1st composition.

Hope to read more from you :)
>Cha






Thank you so much for your review! It meant alot to me... =) When i write songs i always have to listen to Daughtry. His kinda song was what i had in mind =)
Thank you so much!



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23 Reviews

Points: 288
Reviews: 23

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Fri Jul 10, 2015 11:57 pm
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MaddieNicolette wrote a review...



Ok so i honestly cant rip this to shreds cause i cant write lyric to save my life. but i will try my hardest to help. kinda. oh well here we go.

First: The name... ok so honestly i have no idea what you should call it. home has been way over done, but your title already was ok. i would say do something in your chorus, this is because it is easier to remember.

Second, i think you could probable make the verses just a little longer, or maybe add a bridge.

okay, this is just me... i really want to hear how it sounds like, i have to just imagin this, but i think it would be awesome to actually hear it. you need to keep on going cause this is really good, and i cant actually do this soooo.
keep up the good work

Maddie






Thank you so much for your review Maddie! I had Daughtry in mind when i wrote this song. He always inspires my lyrics :)




You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan