Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » Fanfiction

E - Everyone

Elsa (Frozen) & Jack Frost Fanfiction Part 1

by TheSilentBagpipe


Elsa&Jack Fanfiction - Part 1

The day was cold and stormy, as it usually was in Elsa's castle of ice. Elsa didn't mind the cold though, she actually enjoyed it. Her kingdom of isolation was all she could ask for, or so she thought. Elsa sighed as her hands worked the familier knots of a braid into her hair, she gazed in the mirror at her reflection. The strong and confident woman she saw in the mirror was very different from the young child she once was. Her feelings of being alone and scared had all but vanished, replaced with feelings of strength and spirit. The little girl who once was broken and scared, was gone know. The little girl who once was binded in secrecy by her gift, had long since disapeared. Why must I hide my powers as if they were a curse? she asked herself angrily as she stood from her chair, made from ice, and strode to the window overlooking all of Arendale. A feeling of abandonment and betrayal crept up her throat, threatening to sufforcate her, but she quickly fought it back down into the pit of her stomach.

They were better off without me, she told herself. Anna can marry Hans and they can have many children to carry on the line. I would only be a nuisance to their happiness.

A single tear escaped her eye and fell. With a quick movement of her hand, Elsa turned the tear into ice and watched as it hit the ground and shattered into  pieces. Taking a deep breath of satisfaction, she began to hum as she walked about her castle. Her shoes made a "clip clop clip clop" sound as she walked along. Trying hard to bury the thought of her home, and her people, Elsa began to distract herself. Randomly, she shot ice into the air, letting it fall where it pleased. As she took her stress out by shooting ice, Elsa was unaware of the cold creeping into her heart and already beginning to freeze that which was once full of love.

***

Jack Frost stood at the base of the mountain, looking up at the great castle of ice. His face was expressionless, but inside his mind his thoughts were swirling faster than the wind. He scratched his beard stubble as he thought, which was dark brown but flecked with white. His clothes were plain and simple, like that of the commonfolk, which made his giant staff with a ball made of crystal hanging of the end, look out of place. Since his boyhood days, full of fun and mischieve, he had grown more mature. Mostly, because of the burden he carried. Jack had sensed Elsa's power the minute she had arrived into this world. The memory of her birth was as clear as if it had been yesterday...

The day of Elsa's birth started like any other day for Jack. He had woken up to the sun shining in his face, and went to bed after he had sung to the moon that night. As he floated, sleeping peacefully in slumber inside the water of a frozen lake, all of a sudden a great gust of wind raged through the small cove where the lake lay. The Wind raged on, getting stronger and stronger as it hurried to tell Jack the latest news from all over the world. Jack had pretended to not hear it calling to him, it had long since been a game he played with the Wind. Making Wind wait longer to say what it needed to say to Jack. Most of everything was gossip about this or that, but occasionally the Wind had something usefull to tell.

"Wake up Jack, wake up! I have news to say from Arendale!" the Wind coaxed at him.

Jack grinned and, having toyed with Winnd long enough, pretended to be just waking up. He stretched and yawned, and climbed out of the lake. Then rubbed his eyes, "What is it Wind? What do you have to say, that is so important?" he asked.

Wind whipped at Jack's clothes, "A baby girl has been born to the King and Queen of Arendale!" the Wind exclaimed bubbly, "The baby girl has been called Elsa, and you will not believe the news I have for you! No no you won't! You could not guess, could you?"

Jack rolled his eyes to the moon, "Speak Wind, tell me what is so important so I can get back to sleep!" he replied.

"The baby girl named Elsa....has been born with magical abilities!" the Wind exclaimed, as it swirled faster in excitment.

Jack, now interested far more than ever leaped into the air and let the Wind catch him, "Magical abilites?!" he burst with energy.

The Wind wiped faster and faster, "Yes! No one knows yet, but I have sensed it. She will be the Queen of Winter one day!"

Jack jumped up and down in the air, "How?" he asked in excitment, "Take me to Arendale quickly!" he told the Wind.

Without another delay, the Wind raced over fields, mountains and lakes to get to Arendale. When they arrived, the Wind set Jack down in the middle of the castle's courtyard. No one was about, for it was still dark. Jack thanked the Wind and told him to wait around until Jack's dismissed him. The Wind agreed and then Jack started off toward the castle door. The guards had let him in promptly, on account of knowing Jack Frost as a friend, then one went up to wake the King and Queen.

When Jack had presented the King and Queen with his thoughts on Elsa's powers, they immediatly rejected the idea. "Our daughter is normal as normal can be, you Jack Frost will not say another word about this to anyone! Not a single person will know of your foolish notions!" The Queen had burst out.

"Your Highness," Jack adressed the Queen like an ordinary person would, even though he outranked her, "What I say is true, please listen to me. Your daughter will need education if she is to make proper use of her abilities. When the time comes, please call on me. I can help her control herself in ways you would not imagine."

The King and Queen exchanged glances, and not knowing what to make of the whole affair, agreed to let Jack tutor Elsa when she reached her seventh birthday.

Jack, satisfied with their answer, asked to see the child once before he left the castle, not to return until her sixth birthday. The King agreed and then led Jack up the stairs to the royal bedchamber where Elsa lay curled up in her crib. Jack peeked over the crib, and a smile spread across his face, "She is beautiful," he whispered, more to himself than to the King and Queen. Elsa lay curled up beneath a blanket, with her eyes closed she sucked on her tiny hand. Instantly he knew Elsa would do great things once she was older, Jack's smile grew bigger and he gently touched his lips to her forehead, a shiver ran through Elsa's tiny body and Jack smiled. He had  left his mark on her. Turning back to the King and Queen, he apologized once more for waking them up at such a late hour, excused himself and then jumped from the window of their chambers. The Wind raced to catch him, and he soared back towards his home as the King and Queen watched from their bedroom window. With a smile on his face, Jack yelled out encouargments to the wind to go faster. Happy he was not alone anymore, Jack let the Wind take him anywhere. He looked up to the moon and smiled, "Thank you" he whispered under his breath.

Now, twentie-one years later, Jack stands before the castle, feeling nothing but hatred and a need for revenge. All his happiness was drained from him long ago, and the time is almost right to unleash the anger he had kept hidden inside him for all those long years. With a grin on his face, a grin that once would have held mischieve but now held hatred, Jack called upon his old friend the Wind to take him up the mountain, towards Elsa's castle.

TOO BE CONTINUED.....


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
557 Reviews


Points: 2194
Reviews: 557

Donate
Wed Jul 29, 2015 9:08 pm
View Likes
erilea wrote a review...



Hey, TheSilentBagpipe! I love Frozen fanfictions, and this looked really interesting. What's the harm of doing a review? :D

So, a small typo right here. I think you meant "now"?

"The little girl who once was broken and scared, was gone know."

Okay, I know this is kind of weird. But clip clop makes me think of horses, and with Elsa I kind of don't want that image. How about "click clack" or something?

"Her shoes made a "clip clop clip clop" sound as she walked along."

Um, "twentie" should be "twenty".

"Now, twentie-one years later, Jack stands before the castle, feeling nothing but hatred and a need for revenge."

This is turning out to be interesting. However, I'm a little confused. So, Jack goes from loving Elsa and thinking that she's beautiful to wanting to make her suffer and unleash all his madness (which I didn't know he had) on her? A little bit confusing, especially for people who don't know Jack Frost. Maybe you could explain that?

Also, "mischieve" will be "mischief".

"With a grin on his face, a grin that once would have held mischieve but now held hatred, Jack called upon his old friend the Wind to take him up the mountain, towards Elsa's castle."

As I said, the plot is very intriguing and I would love to read the second chapter! I'm going to go right after I finish typing this review. :) Good job and keep writing!

-wisegirl22






Thank you so much for your review! The explanation will be coming in later chapters!



erilea says...


You're welcome!



User avatar
184 Reviews


Points: 802
Reviews: 184

Donate
Sun Jul 26, 2015 9:25 pm
MissGangamash wrote a review...



I love the idea of a Jack and Elsa. I'd never come across it before. The story is very whimsical and...kind of biblical?

I'm intrigued to know why Jack is so full of hate. Did Elsa do something to him?

There were a few spelling mistakes and some sentences that didn't really work but someone else has pointed them out so I'm not going to repeat them.

This was a lovely read :)






Thank you =)



User avatar
23 Reviews


Points: 288
Reviews: 23

Donate
Thu Jul 09, 2015 12:08 am
MaddieNicolette wrote a review...



" Elsa didn't mind the cold though, she actually enjoyed it."

you know the cold never bothered her anyway.

"The little girl who once was broken and scared, was gone know."

now... i think is what you mean.

"He scratched his beard stubble as he thought, which was dark brown but flecked with white"

i think it would be intersting to add it was flecked white bcause of frost. also loved how you kept the dark brown his hair before. Has he aged, dont remember a beard, but its an interesting twist.

" No one was about, for it was still dark."

i would say reword...

ok intersting twists, wondering what jack will do.... hahahh...

how do the king and queen know jack.

how can they see him?

love to read on.






Thank you for the review!
Well I changed the story a bit, first yes Jack has aged a lot. I think I mentioned that but I cant remember. 2nd - Jack can let the people he wants see him, or something like that.





very cool!!



User avatar
59 Reviews


Points: 5916
Reviews: 59

Donate
Sun May 31, 2015 1:37 am
View Likes
Lucia wrote a review...



I'm really excited to read a story about these two! I'm not really a Jelsa fan, or any of that, but I've always wondered what it would be like when their worlds collided in writing. :)

This could use some polishing up on things like spelling and grammar, but I'll let you look for them yourself.

The little girl who once was broken and scared, was gone know. The little girl who once was binded in secrecy by her gift, had long since disapeared.

This is redundant. Even though you talk about different issues in each sentence, both sentences are technically saying the same thing. This can easily be fixed by merging the sentences.
Her shoes made a "clip clop clip clop" sound as she walked along.

It's not that this is wrong per se, but the "clip clop clip clop" really makes me think of horses. So maybe you could change that to "Her shoes clicked on the ice." or something like that.
He scratched his beard stubble as he thought, which was dark brown but flecked with white. His clothes were plain and simple, like that of the commonfolk, which made his giant staff with a ball made of crystal hanging of the end, look out of place.

The phrases in bold are the things that stood out to me. Sure, they are interesting details to know, but they are out of place, and make the sentence a bit too long. Are they necessary? If you absolutely have to add them, try shortening them like this one: "He scratched his white-flecked beard stubble...."
As he floated, sleeping peacefully in slumber inside the water of a frozen lake...

"Sleep" and "slumber" mean the same thing, so pick which one you want to use.

You wrote (or strongly implied) that baby Elsa had just been born, and that Jack arrived at the castle "without another delay". However, when he got there, the queen didn't show any signs of having been in labor just a few hours before, and baby Elsa was sleeping alone in a separate room. Now, I don't know how realistic you want to make this, but at the time Jack arrived, realistically, the queen should still have been resting in bed, and Elsa would have been sleeping at her side. Also, the queen would have been in no condition to speak to random visitors like Jack.

As a tip, it usually helps me to read my writing aloud to myself. That way, I can hear when things sound clunky, if they make sense, or if I'm repeating myself. My eyes are also reading a lot slower than usual, so it's harder to miss when I misspell a word.

I'm very interested in reading the rest of the story, so definitely keep writing it!
I'm not sure I like how Jack sounds almost evil at the end, but I'm sure there's a good reason for it, so I'll hold on for the next installment. :)
Keep writing!

Cheers!






Thank you so much for your review, it helped me a lot! I don't know why I didn't get a notification for this...sorry my reply was late =)



User avatar
53 Reviews


Points: 236
Reviews: 53

Donate
Sat May 30, 2015 6:42 am
View Likes
ishitadutt wrote a review...



Hey SilentBagpipe,

You are a tremendous writer, as I had also mentioned earlier. This piece of writing clearly boasts of your avid imagination and honed writing skills, remarkable for your age. I think I have so much to learn from you.
I really love the fact that you've typed and editing this to near perfection.
Just a few typos you might correct:

"With a quick movement of her hand, Elsa turned the tear into ice and watched as it hit the ground and shattered into a pieces"
(*into pieces*)

"He had made left his mark on her."
(*..left his mark..)

"TOO BE CONTIUED....."
(*To be continued*)

I feel this truly deserves to be in the literary spotlight of YWS.
Eagerly waiting for the other chapters to follow :)






Thank you so much ishitadutt! You are a great writer also, your work is really well written =)
I cannot belive you caught those typos...! I never would have seen them xD My eyes don't pick up grammar mistakes sadly =(
Thanks again!



User avatar
23 Reviews


Points: 951
Reviews: 23

Donate
Thu May 28, 2015 11:54 pm
View Likes
67DemonSlayer wrote a review...



Hello there TheSilentBagpipe here to give a quick review!
Although I am not a fan of Frozen I must say that this is beautiful, It has a great storyline and it is interesting enough for a non fan like me to read all the way through. At first when I seen the title I thought it would be I guess you could say boring. But you proved me wrong. In conclusion you did a great job writing this and i hope to see more of your work. Keep writing my friend and good luck! Oh and I can't wait to see part two of this story. :)






Thank you so much 67DemonSlayer! I will work on #2 soon!!



User avatar
99 Reviews


Points: 78
Reviews: 99

Donate
Thu May 28, 2015 7:23 pm
View Likes
Snoops says...



Love to see part 2. I just want to say you have a good eye for details, the ice tear was perfect. Good work.






Thank you so much Lau2001!



User avatar


Points: 366
Reviews: 3

Donate
Thu May 28, 2015 2:29 pm
View Likes
Samantha101 says...



Really great story. Can't wait for part 2. You really captured the details right, and I enjoyed it.






Thanks!



User avatar


Points: 240
Reviews: 1

Donate
Wed May 27, 2015 3:30 pm
View Likes
deleted23 says...



Oh my gosh this is great! Please make a part 2






Thank you batgirl, I'll try get my butt in gear =P



User avatar


Points: 240
Reviews: 1

Donate
Wed May 27, 2015 3:30 pm
View Likes
deleted23 says...



Oh my gosh this is great! Please make a part 2




User avatar
557 Reviews


Points: 2194
Reviews: 557

Donate
Tue May 26, 2015 11:11 pm
View Likes
erilea says...



Please make part two. I will wait for five years if I have to.
Lots of spelling errors, be sure to check up on that.
Good! I liked the plot and Frozen, so kudos for that.






Thank you! Part two will come soon!



erilea says...


Thank you yay



User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 308
Reviews: 9

Donate
Tue May 26, 2015 10:11 pm
View Likes



Very interesting notion (although we all knew that this would happen anyway :P)
This story is very simple and written as such for an idea as whimsical as this. I must say I love wild ideas and shipping characters from different universes like this. Very good choice. I particularly liked that this first part is presented as a flashback. I can't wait until we get into the juicy romance between them XD
The Wind character is interesting. I don't remember to much about Rise of the Guardians (it is Jack Frost from that movie right?) so if that character was in there great, but since I think you came up with it I like it even more. Of course the Lord of Winter would have all the elements as his friend. Anyway very captivating story. I look forward to the next one!






Thank you for the review! The first part is very simple, in hopes to make you not see whats going to happen next =P



User avatar
9 Reviews


Points: 308
Reviews: 9

Donate
Tue May 26, 2015 10:10 pm
View Likes
OracleOfGalaxies wrote a review...



Very interesting notion (although we all knew that this would happen anyway :P)
This story is very simple and written as such for an idea as whimsical as this. I must say I love wild ideas and shipping characters from different universes like this. Very good choice. I particularly liked that this first part is presented as a flashback. I can't wait until we get into the juicy romance between them XD
The Wind character is interesting. I don't remember to much about Rise of the Guardians (it is Jack Frost from that movie right?) so if that character was in there great, but since I think you came up with it I like it even more. Of course the Lord of Winter would have all the elements as his friend. Anyway very captivating story. I look forward to the next one!





Poetry and prayer are very similar.
— Carol Ann Duffy