The full moon rested in the sky, the shine of the stars casting shadows on the forest floor. Riverpaw quietly stepped over loose twigs and the occasional fallen leaf as he followed the rest of his Clan to Fourtrees.
"It'll be cool tonight," Speckleheart mewed.
"Leaffall and leafbare are nearly upon us," Sunsetfur agreed. "With so many new warriors, though, I think we'll last until newleaf just fine. Ripplewhisker and Minnowfeather make a fine pair as hunters."
"Hopefully nothing else," Halfface grunted roughly. "There are already too many elders, and there are more kits on the way as we speak. Kits born this late in the year can't withstand the cold."
"We withstood the cold," Riverpaw pointed out, turning his head to look at the elder. "Tinybird and Bluethorn, too. We didn't lose a single kit last leafbare that I know of."
"No," Halfface admitted, "but we lost good cats nonetheless. Too many good cats."
"Poor Greenpaw would've made a good warrior if she'd lived," Stream mewed. "She was the one that found me after a badger attack."
"I didn't know that," Riverpaw replied. He knew that Stream had been a rogue once, but wasn't sure of the circumstances of her coming to RiverClan. Really, he knew more about Quickflash and Tinypaw than he ever knew about Stream.
"Let's pick up the pace," Swiftstep grumbled, pushing past the others. "We're going to a Gathering, not to share tongues with ever kit, apprentice, and elder from the Moonstone and back!"
"...isn't that the point of a Gathering?" Sunsetfur mewed beneath her breath.
"I thought so, but apparently your old mentor disagrees," purred Halfface humorously. "He's the oldest cat in any Clan, except maybe Antstar. He deserves a pinch of slack, but he does have a point about moving faster."
"Agreed," Shorestar added as she neared the front of the group. "Let's pick up the pace; I wouldn't be surprised if we were the last ones there at this rate."
- - - - -
Riverpaw wrapped his tail tightly around his paws as he, Pinestep, and Cloudwing pressed their pelts together. "It got cold fast," the SkyClan medicine cat mewed quietly, teeth lightly chattering. Her pelt was thin, and she looked bonier than several of the other WindClan cats.
"It'll be warmer tomorrow morning," Honeypaw replied, wiping his paw against his nose. His long, thick gray fur looked cozy and warm. "I've found that leaf fall is the best season. Tends to be neither too cold nor too warm."
"That's what new leaf is for," snapped Swanfeather, who was curled up with Pearnose nearby. "These old bones weren't made for the cold."
"But you came for the gossip nonetheless," Pinestep teased gently, eyes gleaming brightly.
The pale gray elder rolled her green eyes. "Gossip is the best medicine, Pinestep, a kit could see that, clear as day."
All of the medicine cats mrrowed with laughter at the elder's remark. Riverpaw himself twitched his whiskers, chortling before glancing around the clearing. He saw Ripplewhisker seating with a ginger and white she-cat, with Havenwing glaring at them both, with Graystream silently sitting beside Strikeclaw. "Give me just a moment," he whispered to his mentor, rising to his paws.
"I can't believe that we became warriors, Appledawn!" Ripplewhisker mewed excitedly. "It feels like we were both apprentices for absolute ages!"
"I know, right?" Her blue eyes sparkled beneath the light of the moon. Suddenlly, she turned her head and looked right at Riverpaw. "Hello there!" she cheerfully meowed. "How are you, Riverpaw?"
"Er... I'm alright, Appledawn." He glanced over at Havenwing before continuing on. "I just wanted to make sure everything was okay over here."
"It's fine," Havenwing grunted, dark green eyes narrowed at Appledawn. "I'm waiting for the leaders to get this over with so that we can just leave already."
"Pay attention," Strikeclaw snapped quietly, "and you'd see that they're ready to begin."
Indeed, all five leaders were seated side by side on the Great Rock. Feeble Antstar looked like he was on his last legs-- Riverpaw noticed that more patches of fur were missing than last moon. What remained of Antstar's sandy pelt was matted and knotted. "ShadowClan... has little to report," the ancient cat wheezed. "Skunkkit was born to Brightfeather, and the prey has been running well." He laid back down, quietly wheezing. Riverpaw glanced at Honeypaw and Aspenthroat, both of whom looked away.
"I am proud to be back to leading my Clan at Gatherings since the birth of my kits," Flintstar announced as she began to speak. "We have some dangerous news to report, however-- one of our warriors, Fallenwillow, has become a rouge. He is dangerous; do not welcome him in your Clan."
Murmurs broke out among the gathered cats. Quickflash nestled closer to Tinybird. Riverpaw remembered that Fallenwillow was the reason that they had left WindClan to begin with. "I hope no cat gets hurt," the healer mumbled.
"In other news, I am afraid to announce that One-ear has joined StarClan. We hope that she may have many seasons of rest."
Shrewstar puffed out his black chest fur as he rose next. "SkyClan has stayed strong over the past moon. A group of kittypets decided that they ought to give forest life a try, but we gave them some claw marks to remember us by." The skinny cat sat back down and tapped Shorestar with his tail.
The pale gray she-cat's green eyes surveyed the clearing. "RiverClan is proud to present five new warriors to the Clans: Tinybird, Bluethorn, Graystream, Ripplewhisker, and Havenwing have all passed their assessments."
"Tinybird! Bluethorn! Graystream! Ripplewhisker! Havenwing!" the Clans cheered.
"Additionally, I bring more good news-- we have new kits on the way."
"New kits?" Riverpaw whispered to Ripplewhisker. "No she-cat has moved to the nursery recently..."
"Not that I can think of," his brother agreed. "Unless some cat told Shorestar first."
"I will soon leave Tawnybird with more control over Clan life," Shorestar continued. "I am expecting a second litter of kits. Flintstar will not be the only leader with little ones bouncing around her nest."
"Congratualations," purred Flintstar.
"Indeed," Antstar added. "You've brought up some very fine young warriors."
"Wait-- what did she say?"Lightningsong exclaimed. "She's expecting more kits? Whose?"
"Mine," Strikeclaw answered the elder.
Riverpaw, Havenwing, Ripplewhisker, Graystream, and Lightningsong all stared at the senior warrior, dumbfounded by his statement. "What do you--" Riverpaw began.
"Shush," whispered a ShadowClan elder, "keep your mouth shut."
Flamingstar had taken his spot to speak next. His dark ginger fur looked a bit dull, and his green eyes were dark. "I come with both good news and bad news tonight," he meowed. "Appledawn was made a warrior two sunsets ago."
There were scattered cheers of "Appledawn! Appledawn!" from the assembled cats. Apparently some were either still shocked by Shorestar's announcement or startled by his opening statement.
"But I also come with bad news... at least, bad news for myself." He paused for a moment and flicked his tail. "I have done something and shamed myself in the eyes of StarClan. I dare not share what it is, but I have come to make announce that I will go to the Moonstone tomorrow with Pearnose and Morningstep and ask them to take my nine lives away. I will go into self-exile and leave Morningstep to care for my Clan."
"What?" growled Shorestar. "You make some mistake, and rather than deal with your actions, you run away?"
"I must agree with Shorestar on this," Shrewstar added.
"As do I," agreed Antstar."
"And I," said Flintstar. "Leaders make mistakes, and sometimes StarClan is unhappy with us, but that is why we have nine lives-- we are to learn from our mistakes and work to make amends."
"I cannot do that in these circumstances," answered Flamingstar flatly. "My mistake... it will cost many lives. It has already cost lives. From more than just my Clan." The ThunderClan leader looked away and hopped off the rock. "This Gathering is over. We are going home."
Riverpaw stood and immediately went to Pinestep. "This is the most dramatic Gathering we've had since Sunningrocks... I have questions that I need answered."
The ginger and white she-cat nodded. "We're going to have a long talk tonight... trust me. And we'll probably be awake most of tomorrow, too, so be quick with your goodbyes-- I have a secret to let you in on."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hey there! Plume here, with a review! Hope you're doing okay. <3 I noticed that this chapter has been in the green room for a bit, so I thought I'd come back to this story and give it a review to bump it out!!
Ooh, this chapter was intense! I think a lot of the information you revealed was really shocking and also has the opportunity to play out in really interesting ways! I think you're really great at writing this big gatherings. You nail the vibe of them, and it makes it so interesting to read!!
I really enjoyed all the exchanges between characters in this. I think one of the most impressive things about this is how you're able to manage so many distinct characters at once. I could never. It's so great how you're able to do that and make it clear enough so that readers don't get confused. I also think it adds a lot of depth to your story as well, because the reader is introduced to various levels of information on each character. It almost feels like the reader is a character, too, because of how immersive it is.
I also really loved the first part of the chapter. I think your opening sentence was so strong (actually, your whole scene setting bit was really great. I could totally picture the way the night felt.) I also think the anticipation for the Gathering was very accurately portrayed, and it was so interesting to hear all those different characters interacting with each other. It was just like a casual conversation to pass the time, but it was so naturalistic and just... well done. I had a great time reading it.
Specifics
Personally, I think that this sentence might be better as two? There are two independent clauses in it, which makes it a little tricky to combine it with a just a comma. I'd suggest putting a period or a semicolon (leaning more towards the semicolon, actually) just to show that they're two separate clauses. I think that would make them flow a bit better.
I was a little confused by who the "his" referred to. I didn't think Shorestar used he/him pronouns, and maybe you meant her? If you were referring to another cat, though, I think it might be best to use the name and then make it possessive, just to make things a little clearer.
Overall: really nice work!! I'm really glad I decided to pick this up again. I hope to read more in the future (and maybe I won't wait as long as I did.... oops.) Until next time!!
Thanks for the review!
ahhh I see that now ;-; Shorestar is she/her; that "he" was referring to Flamingstar ;-;
I AM READY FOR THE CRAZY ,,, I think >.>
Could the stars cast shadows on the floor if they're so high up? Or like how would they cast shadows?
Rogue cats sound so cool :O Like they come from a different background and are still able to assimilate into a clan. I bet they have some of the most interesting backstories!
Love this simile / phrase xD I believe you meant, "with every kit"?
Ooh, I love these descriptions! It's a nice way of describing how the cold affects her instead of spelling it out directly. All of these images bring the words "thin" + "white" in my mind, so I really like how they all connect in my head c:
Okay so something I noticed is that with the vast majority of your dialogue, it's structured like this: "blah blah some dialogue," said whoever, some really nice description. "blah blah blah."
And I really do love your descriptions! They're clear, but not overly flowery, and I love your use of specific verbs (like snapped). But I do think the structure gets a little predictable. I don't think it would hurt to move where you place your dialogue tags at times or even just have something simple, like "star said" without any additional description. Obviously not all of them need to be changed, because I really do love your descriptions and dialogue!! But maybe just in some spots so it won't be too repetitive c:
So like is Riverpaw overhearing this? Because otherwise it sorta seems like this has switched to Appledawn's perspective or something :p
BUT AHHH APPLEDAWN IS HERE, AND I LOVE THE NEW NAME ASDFL
Oh shoot xD
( did you perhaps mean "rogue" :p )
OHOHOH I know this isn't exciting for the characters BUT THIS IS KINDA EXCITING FOR ME LOL
I wonder why he became a rogue cat though!! :O and I wonder why he turned dangerous all of a sudden; I wonder if there was some foul play behind the scenes >.>
Aww </3
WAHT. WATHAWHTHTH
My favourite :')) (among others of course haha)
Omg that is,, wow. The idea of getting your nine lives taken away from you is super chilling. I am super curious as to what bad he did to think that he deserves this >.>
Oops just a stray quotation mark c:
I kind of felt like this last announcement was downplayed a little - perhaps the crowd would have a more shocked reaction or something? Just a little more to show how :O the announcement was!
YOU AND ME BOTH, RIVERPAW!
Okay you were def right; that was crazy 0.0 so many things just went down and I have so many questions!! I think the rogue cat is the more important matter right now, as that threat is nearer in the future (or at least, that's what I think xD) WHAT IF this cat is gathering an army or something and wants to be a dictator over all the clans? :O that's my only explanation for why he left haha xD
but wow, I really do wonder what Flamingstar's mistake was! He said it already cost so many lives, so there has to be someone to has a hunch / knows what it is. But like, how could it have cost lives? >.> I'm very curious as to what it was and why exactly he did it in the first place. Oh well, I guess I'll have to wait to find out xD
THAT WAS CRAZY, AND I LOVED IT. <3
I dunno, it sounded pretty ;-;
Oops, overdid my variations a bit XD At least it gives them each a little more character (I hope)
Sunningrocks, but he's not gonna bother fixing it himself XD
Omg XDDD This must be how @ShadowVyper feels whenever I throw out some idea XDD Sadly, no, not that-- but he'll be coming in to mess with some cats soon! o.o
So far, losses at Sunningrocks have been minimal-- just 2. But there will be more, and there were a *lot* more in the canon stories ;-;
ahhh tysm for the reviewwwwww I'm glad you liked this uwu
I have no idea of any of this context, but sounds like y'all are having a party over here with rogue dictator kitties
XDDDDD
Valid.
OMG BAHAHA THAT'S A HILARIOUS WAY TO PUT IT XD what Shady said should go in the quote generator >.>
@starlitmind
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAGGING ME, I%u2019LL LEAVE A REVIEW TOMORROW. AHHH I CAN%u2019T WAIT!! <333
BEWARE, IT'S CRAZY XD
OH DEAR XD