The water had reached further than it had the last time the camp had flooded. A ginger and white she-cat's head bobbed above the waves until a dark gray tom dived into the water and dragged her towards higher ground. Some cats had already fled, others were fleeing. Lightning struck a tree, setting it ablaze as the floodwaters continued to rise. Shorestar yowled something that Riverpaw couldn't make out as he made his way back to the hollow they had sheltered in so many seasons ago. But the dirt beneath his paws gave way, and he slid down the slope, into the water. His vision faded, and he saw no more.
"Wake up!" A sharp prod in Riverpaw's side woke him from his nap. Graypaw's blue eyes were glaring down at him; the apprentice felt like ice was clawing at his heart as he met her gaze. "I've been trying to wake you for ages, lazy bones! Shorestar needs you."
Silently, Riverpaw nodded, pelt bristling with fear as he padded away. He weakly padded towards Shorestar's den, paws trembling as he nosed his way inside. "Y-y-you w-wanted to see me?" he mewed shakily.
Shorestar, Quickflash, and Pinestep were all seated inside. "Are you okay?" his mother asked, concern filling her green gaze. "You look like a startled mouse that's hardly escaped its hunter."
"I-- nightmare," he mewed quickly. "Just a bad dream." He paused and tried to make his fur lie flat, but he was unsuccessful; Riverpaw felt like he'd only made himself look worse, and his whiskers trembled. He glanced behind him, certain that at any moment, it would start to rain. "I... I don't want to talk about it right now."
"Only if you're sure," Shorestar mewed gently. "You know you can come to me for anything."
"I-- I know, Shorestar." His mew sounded stronger than he felt. "Now... what was it you wanted to see me for?"
Shorestar's shoulders relaxed as she glanced over her son's pelt. "In half a moon, your siblings are going to have their warrior assessments. I need to know if you want to join them or if you'd rather be a medicine cat."
"I--." Riverpaw couldn't find the words to express how he felt, so he merely looked at the three warriors, eyes wide and dumbstruck.
"It's not an easy decision," Pinestep admitted gently, "but I think that you'd be happier as a healer than as a warrior. I've certainly enjoyed your company, and you've been extremely helpful..."
Riverpaw looked at the dust on the ground between his paws. "I'd be honored, but... Rookfeather will be disappointed. I don't want to disappoint any cat." He looked up at his mother. "I don't want to disappoint you, either."
"You won't," Shorestar assured him. "And I've told Rookfeather that he can have one of Tallfern's kits if he'd like another apprentice. He won't be disappointed; if anything, I think every cat will be happier that he won't be complaining anymore."
"Oh..." So... he doesn't want me anymore? Or...? "Okay, then..." The apprentice turned towards Pinestep and mewed, "I'd like to become a medicine cat. Would you be willing to teach me?"
"I would," she nodded. "It'd be my honor to train another cat in our ways, especially one so dedicated to making sure every cat's needs are met. You have a good heart, Riverpaw."
"We'll have he ceremony now, then," Shorestar announced as she padded outside. Quickflash and Pinestep followed, and then Riverpaw joined them. He watched as his mother leapt onto a rock. "Let all cats old enough to swim gather to hear my words!" Slowly, the rest of the Clan joined them in the clearing. Lightningsong led the elders from their den, and Redpaw was the first apprentice to join the throng of cats that were assembling. Once she was certain that all of the Clan was present, she spoke again. "Pinestep has confided in me that she is ready to take on an apprentice."
Riverpaw saw his littermates staring at him and their mother. Please don't hate me, he pleaded silently. I just don't have the will to be a warrior!
"Riverpaw, step forward," Shorestar mewed proudly. "You have agreed to leave the path of a warrior to become a medicine cat. Do you agree to become Pinestep's apprentice and learn the ways of healing that she will teach you?"
"I do," he answered firmly.
"Then Pinestep shall take you to the Moonstone at the next half moon to speak with StarClan. May they light your path."
Riverpaw turned towards Pinestep and touched noses with his new mentor. "Thank you," he said quietly.
"No," she replied. "Thank you."
"Riverpaw! Riverpaw!" the Clan called; the apprentice noticed that Lightningsong's was one of the loudest. He dipped his head in her direction, and her ears flicked affectionately towards him in reply.
"This meeting is over!" Shorestar called, leaping off of her rock.
Pinestep touched her fluffy tail to Riverpaw's spine. "Come on, new apprentice," she mewed jokingly. "It's time for your first real lesson."
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Hey there! Plume here, with a review! It's been a while since I've read this, but I'm really excited to jump back into the story!!
Aww, I really liked this chapter! I feel like in a lot of stories, characters will have to fight to get what they really want to do, especially if it's expected of them by people close to them, but I love seeing stories that break that mold! It was super great to see the others let Riverpaw be who he truly felt he needed to be instead of what was expected of him. Honestly, the dynamic between Rookfeather and Riverpaw kind of reminds me of those coming-of-age movies with the dad and his son with those moments where the son is kind of like "This is your dream, dad. Not mine." I think your work is a lot better than those, but I just thought it was a kind of funny parallel. Anyways.
One thing I really enjoyed about this chapter was how you displayed Riverpaw making his decision. I feel like you really took advantage of the surprise Riverpaw felt when he realized that Shorestar was letting him do what he really wanted to do. The fact that his mind went to first was that Rookfeather would be disappointed, and I feel like this shows a lot about his character and how his mind was basically already made up at that point. I thought it was a neat little bit of indirect characterization, too.
Specifics
Generally, people use "further" to mean more symbolic or figurative distance. Since in this case, it's describing the water, I feel like it might be better to use "farther." This is just a nitpick and something to consider. It's still fine if you want to keep it as "further." To me, honestly, further sounds better in almost any case.
Another tiny thing: I think you meant to say "the ceremony" instead of "he ceremony."
I'm really looking forward to reading more of this story! I'm curious to see what each cat will do, and I'm also excited to see what this "first real lesson" that Pinestep is going to teach Riverpaw is. Overall: really nice work! Hopefully some stuff in this review was helpful. Until next time!!
Thanks for the review!!
omg a new chapter already AHHHHHH WAHT
WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS, I saw the next paragraph, and now I know this is a dream, rip me >.>
ooh, reached what further? covered more land/reached further inland or however you would phrase it? xD just a small detail
because I honestly don't have any other suggestions to give you hehe <3I think you could use a stronger verb than "woke him" since the sharp prod probably woke him "harshly" - maybe something like, startled him awake? jolted him? something along the lines of that to go along with "sharp prod" and the idea of suddenly waking up!
oh no :/ he's having nightmares now about the incident awhile back ,,, when the heavy rainfall and flooding occurred, I didn't realize how scarring it could be for the cats! ahh </3
OH it took me 6 chapters to realize this lol xD but they don't use "mom" or any variations, they just call parents by their names!
OMG WHAT, DID NOT EXPECT THIS
same, Riverpaw, same 0.0
OKAY I AM SO SURPRISED AT HOW EASY THIS WAS
does Shorestar not even feel the tiniest bit of ,, something? xD maybe not disappointment, but maybe shock - because she had planned for her whole life to raise warrior cats, but it didn't turn out that way. I kind of feel like she would be feeling some feeling other than acceptance xD
ooh wow, it's so easy to call a ceremony :O the cats all gathered rather quickly, I figured it would have took more time, or they would have to announce / schedule a meeting ahead of tiem
if they hate you, then that's their loss honestly
yes, love the firmness in his voice, despite him being scared of receiving others hate -> this shows how much he truly wants to become a medicine cat
Lightsong :') YESSSS GO RIVERPAW!!!! I can't believe he's actually a medicine cat now omg 0.0
did Riverpaw happen to notice who was cheering, or who wasn't? I'm curious if his littermates cheered for him - if Riverpaw notices this, maybe he can also analyze the looks on their faces and see if their cheers are genuine or not. I think this would be a subtle way to increase drama about Riverpaw being hated on for being an apprentice cat :/ OR MAYBE everyone accepts him, and you can show that by his littermates cheering! ^_^
this is entirely random, but it just popped into my mind cx I HOPE WE SEE APPLEPAW SOON, because I am very dedicated to that love story with her and Ripplepaw hehe c:
Thanks for the review!!
Also, the nightmare at the start isn't what happened in the first chapter-- it's a little bit of my fancy shmancy ~foreshadowing~
I've actually already posted the chapter after this on another site, Quotev. I've posted it there because it's easier and I don't have to spend points! uwu
also just gonna say that Applepaw *should* be coming bak in soon, the previous chapter was gonna have her in it, but I decided against it for some reason ;-;