12+ Mature Content

The Augury of RiverClan - 3.2

TW for Implied Abuse: You Have Been Warned

Ripplepaw cheerfully bounded into the clearing at Fourtrees. RiverClan has been the first to arrive at the sacred full moon meeting that the Clans always participated in. The Great Rock sat at the heart of the small area. The four massive oaks surrounding the area gave the Gathering spot its name.

In addition to the five survivors of the Sunningrocks battle, Shorestar had led Graypaw, Dewwhisker, Pinestep, Swiftstep, Halfface, Minnowfeather, Tawnybird, and Hareleap to the Gathering. She leaped on top of the Great Rock and lounged there as the group waited for the other Clans.

"Who do you think Flamingstar chose to replace Peltsone?" Ripplepaw asked his mentor.

"I'm not sure," Quickflash admitted. "Ivydapple retired two seasons ago, or I would have guessed her. I think he will have picked a younger but still experienced warrior like Eagleflame, though."

"Who is she?" the apprentice inquired, eyes wide.

"Eagleflame saved two kits from a raging fire in ThunderClan territory several seasons back," Mothear mewed, interrupting their conversation. "Since then, she's trained two apprentices and is on her third."

"Thistlepaw is a warrior, then?" Quickflash tilted her dust-colored head to the side like a bird.

"He's Thistleflame now, I think," Mothear purred. "Swanfeather was gossiping about how helpful he was as an apprentice last moon. Apparently the other four apprentices aren't as good at removing ticks."

Ripplepaw's whiskers flicked as he and Quickflash mrrowed with laughter. He stopped as the scent of heather tickled his nose. "I think I smell WindClan," he mewed. "Do you think they know about the battle yet?"

"I doubt it," Quickflash replied. "WindClan tends to ignore the ways of the river; I doubt they even had too many troubles with the flood."

Ripplepaw nodded, remembering that Quickflash was a former WindClan warrior. After a horrid tom named Fallenwillow had forced her to be his mate, she gave birth to one cat, Tinykit. Before Ripplepaw and his siblings had been born, Quickflash had carried Tinykit to RiverClan and begged Shorestar for sanctuary. Since then, Quickflash and Tinypaw had been loyal members of RiverClan. Ripplepaw couldn't begin to imagine how his mentor must've felt all those moons ago, but nonetheless, he was proud of her and all she had done.

The first WindClan cat to walk into the clearing was a dark ginger-striped tabby Ripplepaw recognized as Slowflight, a medicine cat. Her green eyes shone like stars beneath the moon. Next came Shadeflower, the deputy, and several other cats. Flintstar was nowhere to be seen.

"I bring great news!" a brown tabby purred at Quickflash. "Flintstar has had our kits!"

Quickflash touched noses with the tom. "That's great news, Deerflame! Is our mother well?"

"Spiderclaw retired." the cat mewed. "She's been lounging in the sun for days." His green eyes fell on Ripplepaw. "Who's this hulk of a cat?"

"I'm Ripplepaw," the apprentice answered. "Quickflash is my mentor."

"When did you get an apprentice?" Deerflame asked.

Before either cat could answer, the stench of ShadowClan overcame the crowd liked the flood had lapped at the borders of the camp. A massive sandy tom led a small number of cats to join the two Clans that had already arrived. He was horribly thin and frail, and several patches of fur wee missing from his pelt.

"Is Antstar okay, Aspenthroat?" Pinestep murmured to a ginger and gray cat.

"He lost a life during the storm," she admitted. "He's bound to be going to StarClan soon..."

Ripplepaw glanced at Quickflash and scooted a bit closer to his mentor. "Scared of the snake-eaters?" she joked.

"No, they just make me... uneasy." He shifted his paws uneasily against the ground. "They're a bit odd is all, and I'm not sure that I'll ever be used to seeing them. ShadowClan is just... the least Clanliest, per se."

Quickflash touched her nose to Ripplepaw's cheek. "It's okay," she mewed gently. "The other Clans think the same way about us sometimes. When I was younger, I always thought that ThunderClan was a bit odd and nuttier than squirrel dung."

Ripplepaw's eyes brightened. "That's true nonetheless," he purred happily.

As the moon drifted higher and higher into the sky, Flamingstar and Shrewstar, the SkyClan leader, arrived with their own Clans. "Why don't you go sit with some of the other apprentices?" Quickflash suggested. "You didn't the last time you were at a Gathering. Besides--" she pointed at a ginger and white she-cat with blue eyes-- "I think she's looking at you."

Ripplepaw glanced between the other apprentice and his mentor but warily obeyed. He shifted himself of his belly and onto his paws, quietly padding over to the she-cat. Her blues eyes shone like bright pebbles in the river, and her pretty dappled fur reminded him of the sky at dawn when it was cloudy.

"Hello," she mewed shyly. "My name is Applepaw."

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IMK
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IMK wrote a review · Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:44 pm

Hey! Zekcede here!

This was really intriguing and I'm looking forward to reading more! There were very few things I wanted to point out that haven't already been pointed out by starlitmind, like going over slight repetition in a few sentences. I think that other than repetition, word choice is also important in general. Rather than using "said" you use "mewed" a lot, and I was thinking finding more synonyms would be helpful. Everything else was already mentioned by starlitmind so good work!

-Z

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starlitmind
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HELLO. <3

The Great Rock sat at the heart of the small area. The four massive oaks surrounding the area gave the Gathering spot its name.


Just wanted to point out that bit of repetition that you could try and replace <3

"He's Thistleflame now, I think," Mothear purred. "Swanfeather was gossiping about how helpful he was as an apprentice last moon. Apparently the other four apprentices aren't as good at removing ticks."


I keep reading "Mothear" as "mother" 0.0

In the section of dialogue where I took this quote out, you had a lot of dialogue tags. I thought they were all super lovely, as they were quite descriptive and weren't "said + adverb," so I thought that was super nice c:

This is just a suggestion, but I feel like you could take out the dialogue tag in this quote. Because each quote had a tag with it, reading the section felt like starting and stopping continuously. Sometimes a bunch of them can pull you out of the story, so I don't think it would hurt to take out one since you're just kinda giving background about another character. Just a thought! ^_^

Ripplepaw nodded, remembering that Quickflash was a former WindClan warrior.


Poor Quickflash >.< I'm super glad that switching clans was an option for her, otherwise she would've been stuck in a terrible situation :(

The first WindClan cat to walk into the clearing was a dark ginger-striped tabby Ripplepaw recognized as Slowflight, a medicine cat. Her green eyes shone like stars beneath the moon. Next came Shadeflower, the deputy, and several other cats. Flintstar was nowhere to be seen.


THIS COULD TOTALLY BE JUST A ME THING, AS USUAL XDD But you dedicated a sentence to describing Slowflight, but you brushed over the other cats without giving them a description. I guess it felt a little odd to me? But if Snowflight is a particularly important cat, more so than the others, I think it would make sense. Otherwise you could just combine it with the previous sentence (...a medicine cat, eyes shining like...) so it doesn't seem out of place. Or you can just ignore me because this might be silly lol xD

"Spiderclaw retired." the cat mewed.


( I believe you need a comma here c: )

ShadowClan is just... the least Clanliest, per se."


Oooh, shadow clan seems to be quite interesting 0.0 also, the name of the clan contributes to that uneasy feeling -> "shadow." very mysterious!!

When I was younger, I always thought that ThunderClan was a bit odd and nuttier than squirrel dung.


I mean, are you wrong?

HAHA JUST KIDDING, I don't know enough about the ThunderClan to say mean things about them xDD

Besides--" she pointed at a ginger and white she-cat with blue eyes-- "I think she's looking at you."


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH

He shifted himself of his belly and onto his paws


I believe you meant "on" c:

"Hello," she mewed shyly. "My name is Applepaw."


APPLEPAW IS SUCH A CUTE NAME WHAT

I wonder what significance Applepaw is going to play! Since she's right at the end of the chapter, her introduction felt quite dramatic and mysterious, and now I'm just wondering what role she is going to play in the novel. EXCITING!

I like how this chapter was a little laidback and more explanation, a softer one compared to the recent fighting been going on >.> it's nice to learn a little more about the characters - it makes me feel more invested in them when I understand where they are coming from, why they act the way they act, and what their motives are. I'm also finally remembering who some of these characters are xD names are always hard for me to remember in books when there are a bunch, like here, but I think I'm getting the hang of it cx

sacred full moon meeting


one thing I had a question on was this sacred meeting! we never really learned about it, did we? Maybe I just missed it or already forgot, I wouldn't be surprised xD but I would love to know more about it, like it's significance, why all of the clans gather up, why is it so sacred (has it been a long tradition?) and so on. It would be lovely to get an idea of what the cats are about to do and why it is so important c:

I am excited to learn more about Applepaw, I really love that name xD <33

So, Gatherings happen during the full moon. The Clans gather and share news, and there is a truce so fights are not allowed. If StarClan is displeased with a Gathering, they cover the moon with clouds. In the next section, the actual Gathering will take place.

Applepaw will be important uwu



Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
— Mark Twain