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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Two (minor) things:
Not the best line (nor my favorite), in the world, but hey it does work.
I have an extreme interest in the bad guy element of every tale. He seems to be lacking something...not sure what though. Perhaps it is that he has threatened two people but has not actually done anything to them? Still, it is early in the story.
Just my two cents worth.
As far as the story and plot, I find the whole thing insanely interesting!
Keep it up,
~FW~