Young Writers Society

Hey
TheRandomWriter
Here's for the review. There were a few grammatical errors. While writing a fiction, you must try to be a manipulative a possible. Here you are straightaway writing a story line. You could have added a few twist and turns to make it more interesting. Like there was a sudden blank when the mass oblivion occurred or "in a flash the entire civilization subsided" type feels.
To be more precise, paraphrase like the morning was more subtle than usual or no bird chirping or it was more quite than it should be. These things could be used while writing.
Though it depends upon the writer what type of story they are writing- a descriptive one or a imaginative one. A descriptive story maintains a straight line throughout but an imaginative one could help you give more ups and downs to the story.

" nothing not even ashes or the echo's of their voice"

There is nothing such thing as "Ashes of voice". Though the feels are communicated, you should always try to use phrases that already exist.
THnx

Hi Grace here for a review
First of all i loved it, the idea of the whole story was interesting. Even though there are some mistakes there and there. I really loved how the story was structured, it was funny and really thoughtful. I love how you are revealing to us the characters personality, what type of person they are. It is like watching those movies where the main character is the narrator which makes the whole movie fun to watch. I love how you chose how to tell the story that just made it more fun to read.

Lastly how you ended it, i literally wanted to read more and find out what happened then i looked to see whether you wrote a second part.I was so happy when i saw it, after this i am going straight to read the second part. Your ending made the reader want to know more of the story which was a smart way to end the story.

You are a amazing writer, love your work can not wait to read more of your work:).

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Harry here to leave a review!!

First Impression: Well this was an intriguing little story certainly. There were pretty fun parts and the description at the end on how all of this went down and that ending were all done pretty well I think.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The year was 2025 and the pandemic was long over, nothing was ever going to be the same and I can't say things will get any better, but let's start from the beginni- well not the end but the beginning of it I can't explain why things turned out this way but maybe one day we'll find the answer, Irene thought maybe it was god, Irene was a lot she was my mom.. my friend and the best cook I had ever met.

Things won't get better from here, this record is only for the purpose of one reason.

I knew we wouldn't live.

For whoever may see or read this.

If any reads this, I thought we would go extinct.

It was normal... everything was until the night of the incident no one expected this to happen, I'm not sure if they know now. But that's the thing they didn't get the chance to be scared or sad or anything.

Just gone.

Seriously, nothing not even ashes or the echo's of their voice once Irene had woke up she always laid for a bid in her bed when she woke, she wasn't really the rushy type more like lazy.

She grabbed her phone as usual and went straight for Snapchat, she texted her friend Emma they had known each other since 6th grade they were both 16 in the 11th grade and had been bestie's since they met.

It was 7:43.

Irene: " good morning boo we gotta do something for Halloween today! "

Irene looked at some Snapchat stories and fell back to sleep.

Meanwhile, Joseph was playing video games, he had been since 8 last night wasn't bad in fact he sure was a game head always getting more than 5 kills in battle royale games, I'd say that's above average

It was 7:45

Joseph was the same age as Emma and Irene and he didn't talk to many people, and he didn't like to get into feelings with people, but it had been an hour and neither his mom or dad had come running to his door asking what he was gonna do today, even tho he didn't say it much, he did love his parents he just never thought he was good enough, but all the time he spent trying to finally tell them how he loved them so much they were gone.

He was in shock, he went into his parent's bedroom and they were gone.

" Why would they not be here? "

Maybe they left in the car he thought... Or they're hiding, but they wouldn't hide he thought.

He checks the window, the car was still there.

He opened a few closet doors around the house.. but then he stopped by the front door and walked outside, it was quite not the normal quite either there was nothing no bird chirping not even cars driving around... not one.

Joseph went inside, and didn't think much of it at first but little did he know he would be walking around the world...

Only to find one person, or girl is Irene...

Hi! I'm Yoshi and I'm here for your review!

Let's get this started, all right?

The year was 2025 and the pandemic was long over, nothing was ever going to be the same and I can't say things will get any better, but let's start from the beginni- well not the end but the beginning of it I can't explain why things turned out this way but maybe one day we'll find the answer, Irene thought maybe it was god, Irene was a lot she was my mom.. my friend and the best cook I had ever met.

The year was 2025; the pandemic was long over. Nothing was ever going to be the same, and I can't say that things got better. Let's start from the beginning. Not the end, but the beginning of it. I can't explain why things turned out this way, but maybe one day we'll find the answer. Irene thought that maybe it was God-- she was my mom, my friend, and the best cook I had ever met.

Things won't get better from here, this record is only for the purpose of one reason.

I knew we wouldn't live.

For whoever may see or read this.

If any reads this, I thought we would go extinct.

It was normal... everything was until the night of the incident no one expected this to happen, I'm not sure if they know now. But that's the thing they didn't get the chance to be scared or sad or anything.

Joseph went inside, and didn't think much of it at first but little did he know he would be walking around the world...

Only to find one person, or girl is Irene...

Hello TheRandomWriter, ^_^

Zoom here for a review. I see you're new to YWS so welcome! Hope you enjoy your stay!

I see you've already contributed 6 reviews so thanks for making an effort. There's nothing I like to see more than a new member getting stuck in from day 1 ^_^

I spotted your post on the People tab, something about only continuing this story if others like it, and I just want to suggest that you try not to think like that. Of course, all writers are encouraged and motivated when readers invest in their work. However, I advise against resting the fate of your writing solely on what other people think. Before readers can love your story, you need to love your story first, so much so that you'll write it no matter what. Find the stories in your heart that you just have to get out, and nothing will stop you from doing so. Those are the ones that really become something great.

Anyway, let's get on with why I'm here: your first chapter!

I'm going to dive right in with my overall thoughts.

I think that it is a bit busy, first of all. A lot is going on at once, some of it important, some of it less so, and it creates a bumpy transition into the story. The trouble with beginnings is that you're starting from ground zero, so every important element of a story, namely setting, conflict & character development doesn't yet exist, and you're having to juggle all of them at once in a way that doesn't confuse the reader and lets them immerse smoothly into the first scene and stay within your world until the end of the book. Sound daunting? Well, it is! But that's okay. Nobody finds this balance in the first draft. (Or sadly, multiple drafts). It takes time and effort.

Let me give you a taste of what I mean.

The year was 2025 and the pandemic was long over, nothing was ever going to be the same and I can't say things will get any better, but let's start from the beginni- well not the end but the beginning of it I can't explain why things turned out this way but maybe one day we'll find the answer, Irene thought maybe it was god, Irene was a lot she was my mom.. my friend and the best cook I had ever met.

It was 7:45

It's 8:45

He checks the window, the car was still there.

He opened a few closet doors around the house..