Published December 2, 2011
It's getting hard, to stay awake
I pop a capsule; the sugar rush
of a pink sour skittle
is enough
to get me through the day's riddle.
But what am I?
and what's the point?
No need for drugs but
just one joint?
I might as well
Mute the sounds
I'm not depressed
just 18
living what I thought would be a dream
College is a lonely place
I make
the most of fleeting fantasies
Kissed her once, vanished- she's
left waiting, 'til next time.
(The meter is off
but the rhythm is fine)
And I'll stay alone
With full knowledge that I'm
insane uncontrollably
tragic visions take hold of me
and I'm left to cope
with the fact that
I'm a realist.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,428 Literary Works • 674,410 Reviews
This one gets a like from me as a good, solid bit of free verse that keeps it real. I had no issues with the poem and am actually just writing because I think that it is good.
Keep up the good work, I like your style! It somehow manages to be morbid without the melodrama and a bit of dry humour to keep it going 
I enjoyed it a lot.
Hello, Rabies! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this piece today!
First off, welcome to YWS! I absolutely love it here, and I hope that you will too. There are so many amazing, talented writers and just plain nice people on here that have helped me improve my writing dramatically since I've joined. If you ever have any questions about anything, please feel free to ask any of them or me and we'll help you out. That being said, on to the review!
Like Storyweaver, I adore this piece's personality. It's very quirky and unique. I do see a few grammatical issues with it, such as punctuation and capitalization. I'll highlight a few of them for you in bold print.
I might've combined the last two lines, but that's just my opinion. It's absolutely fine just the way it is.
A good rule of thumb when it comes to capitalization and punctuation in poems is to use the same rules that apply in sentences. Obviously, there are some types of poems that you can't capitalize in the same way, but you can usually apply most of the rules when you're writing free-verse poems such as the one you've written here.
All in all, great work! I hope to see more from you.
Always keep writing!
I thought that this poem was good! The only problem I have with it is that it gets a little hard to follow at the end. I really like the first stanza though. Good job!!
I really like this. It's kinda got that off-beat personality, and I think that's really cool. A couple people might/probably will complain about the inconsistent rhyming, but personally I've never had a problem with it and like the way it works throughout the poem. My one suggestion would be to change the grammar a little - just the placement or lack of commas etc. in certain places threw this off a little bit. But seriously, I like this a lot, it's got an awesome edge to it.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver