The Angel Of Death

Bwah, I meant to say "you're."

I just read my review, and I hope I didn't sound too harsh on you. Though I disliked the poem, you have talent, dear writer. I don't think my review conveyed that. I hope you continue to write.

I have only read the first two stanzas so far and I had to stop and say that I love the way this seems to flow, and I also love that you used commas. People these days seem to have no clue what a comma is.

"My soul in supernova"

I wish I had thought of a line like that. I always try to think of a perfect word for the mish mash of feelings the occur within me and I think you just presented me with a great one.

The were some points where I wish it hadn't rhymed. It was a little off putting to hear a rhyme during some of these lines, I feel it would have felt even more powerful to my had it not rhymed at all, but hey that may just be me.

Also, I must say the end with the goodbye, it hit me a little, in a good way, I just can't properly phrase what I am thinking.

So I liked it, it may be too disturbing for some but the mind does what it wants and if it wants that to be heard it will be heard.

Although this is a well-written poem, what is being said--regardless of how it was written—is detestable. In my opinion, the poem has three key traits: being disturbing and being confusing but having good rhythm. While the poem has some positive elements, it is brought down by its simply sickening story.

First, though this poem has a certain otherworldly beauty to it, it is mainly disgusting and gory. "Breathing in fresh paint ,"--like this line, most of the poem shows excessive mention of blood and of blood and pleasure coupled together. Furthermore, the Angel of Death described in this poem is a sadistic individual. If I could actually see all that was happening, I am sure my stomach would turn. "Ecstatic, Pleasure shudders through me. A kiss, I lay. 'Goodbye, my dearest. Your debt has been paid'"--that is frankly disgusting! I would have liked to believe the angel's kiss causes death, but you've already pictured the angel using a sword. This whole poem has much to deter me and only the hope that I am fond of gore to bring me back.

Additionally, this poem is unclear in showing events. These lines should show what I am talking about: "A vulture, stalking its prey. Bloodthirsty,Yet again. Imperative, a mission, Deep wanting, to quench. Valiance, a virtue, I dare not detest. Submissive, he glares eye to eye, His being, laid not to rest. Unsteady, yet giving. My hands he guides to my sword, Thrilling me more. A kiss, so chaste, My heart explodes"—how is anyone supposed to understand this? Many open ends exist just in these few lines. I don't understand this at all, but when I read poetry that describes action, I should be able to know what is happening. Being overly vague is not a mark of good writing but of poorly formed thoughts.

On a different note entirely, this poem shows good rhythm. As I read the whole thing, I enjoyed how each line swept softly into the next. I think the following is an excellent example of rhythm: “Sudden movement. A quivering soul. A careless action. My attention, To hold.” There are some other good examples of rhythm and even rhyme but not enough to make this poem redeemable.

In all that I've said, I do realize this is your first post. You have a great understanding of rhythm and rhyme, and thus I think you should keep writing poetry: you're good at it. And some of the images you used were really professional. Nonetheless, I really cannot withdraw how I feel about this poem. Every time I read it, or even portions of it, I feel almost like throwing up. And this would be the first time I would do that while reading poetry. If your goal was to confuse and disturb me utterly, I don't think any writer could have done much better. However, I honestly don't know what to say of the whole thing. You have elicited no real emotion from me other than disgust and confusion. I cannot find the meaning of this at all.

Good job. I really like how you dug deep with your words. I like how you made it long so you say a lot more than if it was short. Keep up the good work.

A marvelous poem indeed. I love the length and rythme scheme. Im not one to knowtice grammer so dont expect help on that. Your emphasis on the bloodlust was well written throughout the entire message but the seond character could use a more clear introduction. Its a little difficult to follow along the dilaloge but it could just be me.