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E - Everyone


by TheMessenger15

A door opens, A door closes. Tragedy occurs but on one knows what caused it. Down in the deepest reaches of the abyss of the mind. A sunken place, a fallen place governed only be the ever-present law of time. I reside here, I live here and I am pretty sure that one day I’ll die here. In this blackened world, chaos ensues. No light or dark, no night or day. Just the pre-occupation of this endless sense of pain. Those who can’t fight or are simply unwilling will end up becoming victims of the mindless killing. For those who survive their fate is still uncertain, as they could go on to believe that their purpose was bigger than those who are dead, only to realise that eventually they all meet the same end.

They say that vengeance breeds justice, to which breeds only more vengeance and traps anyone it can in the endless cycle of hatred. A life that could leave someone very lonely and loveless. I fear that the hatred and rage have consumed the last of my humanity, overwhelming me, pushing me to the point of no return: insanity. Forget the pain, forget the hate. I used to repeat this hoping that I haven’t sealed my fate. Forget the accusations of my mother on the topic of my dead father and faint-hearted little brother, remembering that the blame is fuelled by grief and that I should be tougher. Forget the slanderous statements I shouted at the whereabouts of God in my time of need yet failing to remember the moments where he forgave my every evil deed. Forget the emptiness and all-consuming hate, I must find a source of hope, the very thing that has plagued me to this very date. Remember times of love and sorrow, the lively nature of the present and the most eager-awaited tomorrow.

Despite all the remembering and forgetting, the pain remained and became an irremovable stain. A constant reminder of all the struggling and trying that all ended up in vain. As I sat on the earth, waiting to die, I heard a voice, a whisper in the dark that has forever altered how I view my life.

“Heed these words, Struggler.

Struggle, Endure, Contend, Survive!!!

For it is the will to struggle and live that makes up the sword

Of the one who challenges the strength of

Fate and her allies.

The will to struggle is the very fabric of the one who refuses

At the sight of the darkness to lay down and die

Never forget these words”

This message from the dark, awoke my will to live and suddenly everything didn’t seem so bleak and stark. I remembered the fact that when I had no one, I always had pain. However instead of crippling me, it made me strong. Although I am not the perfect human, my knowledge of the darkness that breaks seemingly invincible men is vast and has rid me of the need to belong. Yet I know now that I do not struggle alone and that He knows of my pain and that he alone is the force that keeps my mind afloat.

“Struggle, Oh Struggler” is what I repeat to myself now, Struggle till you can struggle no more.  

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User avatar
7 Reviews

Points: 407
Reviews: 7

Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:00 pm
moonlitwriter1108 wrote a review...

Hey themessenger15!

Wow. I mean this is an amazing poem with so much emotion. I don't know if there is any thing personal in this but it does feel like it and I'm a true believer of putting your emotions on paper. It's a good outlet. I absolutely love it! Okay anyway now for the reviewing part (Which I'm not so great at so stick with me).

"Tragedy occurs but on one knows what caused"

I'm assuming you meant "no one" just a simple error. I do the same especially when I'm excited to post :)

I like the comments MJ made! However, I kind of like these sentences and how they are put together. It may not be proper, but I think it makes it original and it really makes you feel something and think while reading. Well for me anyway.

I guess this is going to be a short one!! I probably wasn't much help but at least I got to tell you how much I enjoyed the poem! Never stop writing :)!


User avatar
355 Reviews

Points: 25836
Reviews: 355

Sat Feb 09, 2019 3:43 am
Tuckster wrote a review...

Hey there, Messenger! Tuck swinging by for a short review :)

I reside here, I live here, and I am pretty sure that one day I’ll die here.

For those who survive, their fate is still uncertain

Forget the slanderous statements I shouted at the whereabouts of God in my time of need, yet failing to remember the moments where he forgave my every evil deed.

This message from the dark, awoke my will to live, and suddenly everything didn’t seem so bleak and stark.

Overall Thoughts

To me, these seemed like disconnected fragments of thoughts all jumbled together and shoved together. The good news about that is that everything that you need for this piece is already here—you have the ideas nailed down, and now all that's left to do is put it in a format that's appealing and intriguing. You have this marked under poetry, so I'm going to assume that means you want this to read like a poem. However, your first two stanzas read a lot like prose. You could easily shift those into a poetic format, but you might need to rework some sentences and touch up some grammar.

I think you also need a little more organization and structure to this piece—like I said, the first two pieces are very much like prose, and then you have a chunk of poetry in the middle. I would suggest basing your story off that. The first two sections could become verses of the poetry, which would just require some formatting changes.

Content wise, I liked the way you were wrestling with what it means to struggle and how that makes someone stronger. You even dipped into religion a little bit, talking about how that affected your relationship with a god and what that meant for you ultimately. Again, you had captivating sentences and single thoughts, but I think what will really make this a polished, refined piece will be formatting this so that you express it cleanly and make it visually appealing. So just play with it! You had mentioned that this was your first work in a long time, so this is a great starting point and now you can start experimenting with styles! I'd love to see what you do with this, if you decide to keep using this idea, and I love some of the topics that you're starting to explore and question. It's a great piece, and I admire the way you were able to capture those thoughts so well and put them down on paper. If you have any questions, just let me know and I'd be happy to help as much as I can!


Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.
— Martin Luther King Jr.