I look down the street and see people
Some are walking and some are asleep
Not on a bed, maybe in their imagination
The unfortunate ones lie on the pavement
Life is not fair at all
I look down the road and see kids
Some overweight with their bellies bulging
And the other ones who dream of food
Charity and alms are severely needed
Ask yourself before eating
I walk down the path and observe adults
Some with Adidas and Nike
My heart bleeds when I see the other ones
With rags for cover and scratched legs
Do you think we need luxurious clothes?
In the snowy mountains and over the sand
People with arms and tanks and planes
Take their posts on the wall and in the sky
Ready to take a shot in the head to prevent our downfall
They are truly selfless
How can we relax and take a break
All we have to do is study
We don't know our own enemy
Mirrors aren't for beauty
Human nature is the problem
When you see such pain and sorrow
You should wake up and understand
We must be selfless and abnegation
Help the legless ones to stand
We must be the ones to raise our hand
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
hi there, Mastermind! and welcome to YWS
i'd like to begin my review by congratulating you on creating such a powerful piece. the world is indeed in need of some healing. your poem carries a very strong message. however, i do think the delivery could be better. i recommend using punctuation to separate sentences or ideas, especially considering your formatting. there are no distinguishable stanzas, and while that's perfectly acceptable, i think it'd be easier to read and more visually pleasing with punctuation
you've got a nice rhythm going here and i love the way you describe everything from an observer's point of view. it's not always easy to get a message across using this style because it's focusing on more than one thing. i was actually hoping to read more into what this person is seeing, feeling, hearing, etc. a bit more description and use of imagery would do you a great deal of good.
of course, you don't need to change anything you don't want to. this was meant to help you to improve, if that's what you're looking for. i enjoyed reading this and i'm really looking forward to more from you! great job and happy writing
-stealtheworld
Beautiful. This speaks a lot about the injustices in the world and how it is all right there before us, there for us to make the change into something else, something better. All people have to do is pull their heads out of the sand, out of their own worlds and see the world that we all share. Speak out for what is wrong and challenge the norm that is hurting our fellow man. I love the imagery and the flow of the poem works very fell together.
This is a great work of poetry and I definitely look forward to reading more from you in the future.
Hello there!
So I am REALLY sorry if this is horrible. 
But let's move on, shall we? 
You had great points in this as well.
) It works in poems too. So you could write it like this-
) Also, on the third line. I don't know if this makes it any better, but if you took away maybe, and put but. Because you're right. People are asleep in their imagination.
Great job, and keep writing! 
So this is my first review in a very long time, and I'm trying to get back into the reviewing mood.
So I really like this. It has a very good theme, which is something that all good stories/poems should have.
Anyway, I first wanted to talk about the punctuation. Punctuation helps the reader know when to pause, and take a breath. (of course you probably already knew that
"I look down the street and see people,
some are walking and some are asleep.
Not in a bed, maybe in their imagination.
The unfortunate ones lie on the pavement."
Or something like that at least. (I'm not too good with punctuation
Other than that, you did really well on this!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome