That day I knew what it was like to be infamous. It was also the first day I knew freedom. That day my sister and I were released from the prison that had held us for so many long, tortuous years. Yet it was also the day we became wanted fugitives. However, as I look back, I know that anything would be better than that horrible place.
My sister and I are what the humans call “Magus”. We do not belong here. No one knows how we came here, not even us. We look oddly similar to the humans, except for our ears, the tips of which are abnormally long by human standards. We can also somehow alter the fabric of “reality”, as the humans call it, using the power of our minds. We simply will something to be done, and it is done. We project our thoughts as a force on reality, causing it to “change”. It’s difficult to explain, since I don’t really know how it works. I just do it. I’m not particularly powerful in our art, which explains why I could escape so relatively easily. They don’t watch me as closely as the other children.
Allow me to explain: there is a school in the Imperial city for the children of the Magus, called the Magicus Imperium. It is widely believed that the Magus are a threat with our unique abilities. The Imperium is meant to be a place where children can go and learn how to control their powers for the better of the Empire, and all Magus children are required to attend by law. It is meant to be a place of learning. Somehow it is overlooked that all who attend never return. Needless to say, the Imperium is not as it seems.
In truth, the Imperium is a sick laboratory where the experts of what humans call “magic” can perform twisted experiments on the Magus children. In truth, we are nothing more than lab rats. To them, we only exist to serve their sick pursuit of “knowledge”. In truth, they fear what they do not understand. That was our existence. None of us believed we could do anything to change our fate.
That was the day I stopped believing in “the truth”.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi, MaskedMan!
I’m here to do a review for you!
Firstly, I want to start off by saying that I like where you’re headed with the plot. It’s interesting and original and still has that bit of intrigue in it that calls for attention.
In this little passage you were able to give your story a foundation but that’s really all it is. It’s a seed that still needs branches and I’m sure you’ll either add more to this later or work on it’s evolution in due time. I think it’d make an interesting story so I hope you do because this oozes with deep conflict in relation to humankind’s endeavors.
A few things you might want to watch out for in the future though is to not just state things. It’d be nice if you could ‘show’ us more of what this world is like and who these people are through events, descriptions and imagery. It would really make your story ‘pop’ a little more and entice the readers.
One quick comment about the Imperium though, why the laboratory overlooked? It seems a bit too fictional for me to believe even in a fantasy based story. I can understand if the humans overlooked it but for the Magus, I believe they would know that it reeks of danger and would stay away yet it seems to be open for volunteers? I don’t understand that bit of it. Perhaps you can enlighten us further on this subject if you decide to prolong this passage or turn it into a full length novel or even a short story. It needs more, way more for me to really like it. Water this so it sprouts into a wonderful flower! =D
Keep writing and let me know if you need anything else.
All the best,
-Pink
This is a very entertaining story. I loved the opening line. (Opening lines are difficult for me). Is this the beginning of a longer story? I think you could easily add more onto this if you wanted to. This would also be a good piece to build a plot from because the tone of the narrative is already quite well represented.
The only thing I can think of to say is that you didn't mention the age of the children who had just escaped. It's not that difficult to guess, but in case you wanted to be more clear. You also used quotes a lot, but that seemed like a style choice, in which case, I noticed. Good job, I'm glad I read this.