Dear Heavenly Father,
(but it is not Him I pray to)
please forgive me,
(but it is not Him I beg to)
for I have sinned,
(it is Her.)
I have memorized each one
of Her thousands of commandments;
"You will never be holy,
you will never be enough
without me."
And now I am without Her.
Please forgive me.
(Please forgive me.)
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hey, TheMarauderBandit!
I am literally MONTHS late to this post but wow this is touching.
I relate to this topic heavily, and this is a great way to cope with the pain you felt.
Anyways, this is what stood out to me.
I am obsessed with the way you wrote this. It is unlike anything I have seen before. The format is so good and unique It really got my attention seeing it.
I enjoyed this piece a lot, and I will be reading more of your work!
Keep writing, I look forward to seeing what else you have written.
-rileywrites
Hello, here to review.
(Sorry this will be short)
Although I don't completely understand what you are talking about I like it. I enjoy that I can tell your thoughts and feelings. Like I said things aren't clear to me, but maybe I am just being stupid. If you could explain it to me if you have time.
I want to say I like the concept, I love the format, and I love everything else about it.
Great job! I will read more of your work.
_ from your friend
@PlainandSimple _
Hi there TheMarauderBandit!
. Your poem flows really well even though you had chosen to include phrases within the parenthesis. In my opinion, it is a really effective way of showing contrast.
No other words besides I like it.
I especially like this part:
"You will never be holy,
you will never be enough
without me."
This is really demeaning the other person's value and I love the darkness and lack of empathy in these three lines!
One question though in this one line: "(it is Her.)" Who exactly is her?
Overall, love it
Keep up the great work!
Tere.
Hey there, TheMarauderBandit. I'm here for a review. By the way....Great job! Wonderful poem.
Review:
This is poem not any other writings. Too much pretenses, speeches and at middle stanza why is there ; ?
At the end if you need to repeat, you can just repeat. This is a poem so repeating is fine.
Overall, it was my joy to read your poem.
No offense.
And not to be mean.
Keep on writing!
>Silent Nightsky