Material
There are scavenger birds
in my head -
scorn hovering above the water
and white skies
I cannot circumvent the obvious -
the obvious,
that bastion which eludes me
am I coming or going
am I the island, the sea?
Forever stripped of heaven
hell bent and in-between
The birds are
soaring above my waters
I hear them even now
looking for survivors
hungry for the dead
tugging
pulling
unraveling
yet they have not found me
--
humbled,
-m.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
"Fat Beached Whale" haha
haha.
It was actually super good for someone with apparent Writer's Block!
Congratulations on your future son
Your poem was simple, but in a really picturesque way. I loved the soft touches and the one word lines.
"tugging
pulling
unraveling
yet they have not found me"
Those lines are my favourite. So easy to understand
Well done!
NightWriter x
For someone with writer's block, this poem really wasn't all that horrible. It did not contain any grammatical flaws, and there's nothing I can see that could be changed with a simple twisting of words. The ending was a little awkward and the poem has room for improvement, but it goes without saying that this is in no way a mediocre piece of literature. Keep writing
All I can say is welcome to YWS.
I'll be back to review this properly.
This was so fun to read! I loved your vocab, rhythm and rhyme. The topic was great, too. However, your stanzas could have been positioned more clearly, or combined or something. Otherwise, I loved it! keep up the good work