Poetry is like a Da Vinci painting.
When you look you are astounded by the beauty.
You stare in awe at the mystifying sight.
Then you realize something,
Its not just a painting.
You see the hidden message.
The words behind the lines.
You are amazed by the true meaning.
At times this makes you want to jump for joy,
and others it makes you feel like your spiraling down in depression.
Sometimes it disturbs you,
but however it makes you feel,
you need more of it.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Miller Williams also has a poem about poetry, though if I remember rightly his is about writing it not reading it. You should check it out.
But on to your poem. First off, I like the topic--it's something fairly simple, personal, and clearly you have a lot of passion for it. Writing about things you feel strongly about is almost always a good idea. It also doesn't fall into the generic romance poem stereotype, so kudos for that.
I agree with antimelrose that you have an excess of very generic metaphors, but that should be easily fixed. Think of ways to describe these feelings that you have never heard before, but that people will still understand. Hint: if it rolls right off the tongue the way "jump for joy" does, it's probably cliché. Use combinations of words you've never read; think of strange words that you just like the sound of and try to find a way to insert them. You have the right idea with the similes and with the larger, overall metaphor of the painting, but you need to be careful because you're comparing a work of art with... a work of art. Maybe try something a little more distinctly different?
Anyway, you've got a good start here, I hope you keep working on it. Or move on to another poem and put this one in the box of "experience." Either way, good luck!
Sophie
A Poem about Poem about Poetry
This Poem, about poetry
connotes to me, the feeling of us
I see the hidden message
and it makes me want to jump
This poem is commendable
We find it most acceptable
When I saw the title I thought immediately of Marianne Moore's two poems on the very same thing. However, hers discusses the actual writing, while yours concerns the reading of it.
This had potential to be interesting, but I'm afraid that it is stuffed with cliches ("jump for joy" "spiraling down in depression"–come on!) that rather detract from it. All of your expressions, your similes are so generic for a subject that is so dynamic. You assume that everyone enjoys reading poetry (surprising, but some people hate it), which immediately boxes in the reader. Now, if you compared poetry to a painting done by, say, Kandinsky, then there would be a debate because some people like his work and others don't, and thus making your poem much more realistic.
Now I have a grammatical nitpick, which is the fifth line:
Add an apostrophe to "its" because it isn't possesive– it's well, "It is".
Well, if you decide to revise it, I think you have a lot of work to do. Those cliches are probably the biggest killer to your work, so watch out for that.
See you around.
–antimelrose
I really like this peom, but I have a few comments in green.
So all and all I love this peom. That is the only thing that grated against me. It made me think.
All true love the similies.