If you’re reading this, then it’s been another one of those days (or nights). You’ve tried and tried but you can’t stop thinking. About him or her or them. You want to get them off of your mind but you can’t. You can’t stop thinking about who you were when you were with them. How you felt. What you did. You just can’t stop!
And that’s okay. It really is. I’ve been there. Hell, I am there. Right now I am feeling what you are feeling. I am missing them as much as you are. They are as stuck in my mind as they are on yours. I understand. I know what it is to love someone unconditionally and then have your heart crushed.
You need to know that it’s alright to cry. And it’s alright to regret and it’s alright to wish things were different. It’s natural. I myself have done my fair share of crying and regretting and wishing. It does not make you pathetic or weak. In fact, it only makes you stronger. Hiding how you feel will not help you move on. Bottling it all up won’t make the pain go away. It’ll make it worse. You need to be able to let it all out. Only then, will you be able to accept what has happened.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve also done my fair share of hiding. Of putting on a happy face and pretending I’m just fine. But your expression of grief does not have to be physical. You can write. You can sing. You can go shoot a mannequin with their face on it. Just let it out. You’ll feel so so so much better. We all have our different ways of coping. You just need to find yours and stick with it.
But whatever you do, don’t go back to them. If they have hurt you then they are not deserving of your love. This sounds cliche, like every poem by R.H. Sin, but it’s true. If they hurt you once, what’s to stop it from happening again. I know the thoughts that go through your head
“We’re working it out”
“We never stopped loving each other”
And maybe those thoughts are true. But your heart is such a precious object. It is not for everyone and it is most certainly not worth the risk of getting broken again by the same person.
And maybe, these things I’m writing are all relative. Maybe writing this is less about convincing you but more about convincing me. As I said, I’m going through this too. And I sometimes want to return to him. And sometimes I really want to text him. But it helps me at least to remember that I’m not the only one. I’m not alone. People have felt what I am feeling and people have felt much worse. And I don’t need him to fulfill myself. And you don’t need them. You’re strong. You’re brave. You survived middle school for god's sake!
Perhaps, none of this is helpful to you. Maybe you think I’m just some heartbroken lunatic writing herself to sleep to keep from thinking about him. And you’re right, I am. But this is my way of coping. To talk about what happened. To put it into words. Maybe it’s not your way, and that’s okay. You’ll find your groove.
But until then, I leave you with this very cliche quote-
“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be”.