When the wind blows
and the water falls
we become elements
under the influence of fire
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141,334 Literary Works • 674,350 Reviews
Hello TheHayleyLewis! here for a review.
This poem is short and sweet yet still has great imagery. One thing that I would recommend is punctuation. Maybe making this stanza into two sentences with a period after "fall" and "fire" would be a good choice. Nothing too big of a problem, this was a fantastic poem and I could just imagine this happening right in front of me. Good job on this poem!
Hello there.
This a lovely short poem, so there isn't much I can point out technically- but it's definitely thought provoking and I'd like to illustrate that. The elements of nature are eternally the most fundamental aspects of life (don't know how long that will last, seeing the rate at which everyone is becoming a robot) I've always found them fascinating- Science may explain our existences and satisfy our curious, perfectionist brains, but nothing can compare to the mesmerising quality nature has even after all this time. How much art it has inspired! How many lives it has changed! It's beauty and power to inspire are irrevocable.
Your poem is minimal and simple- you speak of flowing wind and falling water, and both are actions popularly suited to these elements. The thing about nature oriented poetry is that you're already at great advantage when it comes to imagery. Grand elaboration isn't necessary to provide scenes in the reader's mind. You speak of blowing wind and immediately I think of rustling leaves and breeze-caught hair. You speak of falling water and immediately I think of brooks and waterfalls and eddying bays. The interesting thing is, because of your lack of detail, the interpretation of this poem is almost completely dependent on the reader. Their understanding will fully be influenced by their personal relation and memories with the elements. As I said earlier, this poem is very vague. It has a unique, refreshing charm- I don't have to wrack my brains to understand it. But that also means it's impact and depth cannot be controlled by you.
The last two lines are the more substantive part of the verse. They are the kind of conclusion that is only a beginning- again, capable of being understood in a million ways. Do you literally mean fire? Are you referring to the passionate kind of fire? Are you speaking of the fire's hypnotic quality? So much possibility!
So far I've read this poem for it's face value- I'm not sure if you were creating some parallelism while writing of the elements. Perhaps you had an underlying meaning, but I couldn't seen it.
Due to it's short length, there weren't any issues with the fluidity. I couldn't feel much of a tone- but it definitely has a decisive air. The poet is stating a fact. There isn't much more to it. There is the matter of punctuation. You haven't used any in this piece- which is fine, as long as it isn't due to ignorance. I think you should try playing around with formatting- it may be fun trying to incorporate pauses here and there, experimenting with the rhythm and aesthetic.
That's about it. Cheerios!
Lovely