I wonder if you notice me
I wonder if you care
And I wonder if you'd blink an eye
If one day I wasn't there.
---
A silent ghost I flutter past,
Unknown to most around.
But beneath my mask and armor
My heart still makes a sound.
---
Yet still you walk on by me,
As I'm begging on my knees.
So it seems that I'll forever be known
As the girl that no one sees.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Fantasydragon01 here for a review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First off, great job on the poem. The rhymes and the rhythm were really, and I mean really good. I read this out loud to myself and it sounded smooth. I did not find any mistakes on anything.
I love reviewing poetry because I love poetry. You did a great job and keep up the good work. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I would be more than happy to answer.
Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01.
Although the poem has a few mistakes, the words can be related to by many. Everyone has a heart and sometimes people forget that. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
Hello there! cleverclogs here to review!
I loved the consistency of the rhyme and rhythm of this poem. Sometimes, poems will start with a rhyme scheme and a rhythm, but then it just gets forgotten about. That didn't happen in this poem, which I loved. Some random things I noticed:
I feel like the first line should be worded, "I wonder if you'd blink an eye" because it fits in more with the first two lines.
There should be a comma after "ghost".
Sometimes your punctuation seemed off to me. For instance, after the line "unknown to most around", the period is fine, until you begin the next line with the word "but".
This is a dependent clause, so you generally shouldn't start a thought that way. The same thing happens with the lines
It reads kind of choppily (if that's a word). I'd suggest reviewing your punctuation and grammar a bit.
This is such a relatable feeling. Most everyone knows what it feels like to ignored, and this poem portrays that feeling very nicely. I sure could connect, and so it added to the emotion of the poem.
This last suggestion isn't really necessary, but if you want to, you can break this up into stanzas. I think it works well without being broken up, but if you'd like to, you can add symbols like ~~~ or --- wherever you want a stanza break to separate the lines. Then, to get rid of the double spaces between the lines, press the "shift" key along with the "enter" key. It works wonders.
Overall, this is a very nicely written poem, and relatable as well. The grammar and punctuation could use some work, but other than that, this is really good. 9/10 from me. Keep up the great work!
Dear clevercogs,
Wow thank you so much for your positive feedback. I completely agree with you about some of the choppiness (and yes, choppy is a word, at least in my book) in my poem. Reading it to myself however, I've had a difficult time pinpointing the problems so thanks for the suggestions. As for the stanzas, I had originally broken it into three seperate stanzas four lines apiece, but I guess since I didn't use your ----- or ~~~~~ trick my double spaces didnt work. I'll have to try that next time.
Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed my poem and felt you could relate to it.
Thanks again!
TGND
Hello! Ash here for a review!
Great poem! Kinda described me well. ^-^
I caught no mistakes (Though I don't write poetry a lot o.o). It was written nicely too! A lot of people feel this way, including me, It described the feeling very well~ I apologize for sucha short review, I am a bit rushed right now.. Any who, can't wait to see more of your work!!
-Ash was here =)
Dear Ash,
Wow thank you so much! I felt like a lot of people could relate to this poem, I find it very universal. I'm glad you were able to connect with it. I'm not an avid poetry person myself either, this just sort of came to me. Anyways, I'm glad you enjoyed my poem and had such nice things to say!
Thanks again!
TGND