Hey! Forever here with a review!
This was an extremely sad piece which made me wonder about the flow of life and why it's so unfair at times. Let's get into the review anyway.
You presented quite a great view of the mind of a person who doesn't want to live anymore. No one really tried to see her condition from her point of view. They only judges her from whatever perspectives they had in themselves(their judgemental mindset in short). She was really in a poor condition. I don't know what to say about self-harm as a way of escaping from all these but hm... it's unhealthy. Well, I don't know but I do think that her mother could actually help her out, had she understood her. I am not very sure about her mother because a lot is not talked about her. I would suggest to leave one or two lines at least about the condition of her mother after her father abandoned them. She must have felt sad about it. We need some information about it and how she interacted with her mother. I don't think it would really consume a lot of words to provide a bit of interaction.
Next, we have the Rehab. Well, the condition of the Rehab didn't appear to good at all. Despite it being a Rehab, I think the condition was kind of like captivity. It was like police officers(nurse in reality) running behind the criminals all the time thinking that they may do something which can cause problems to them. I think that it didn't serve the purpose of a rehab at all. Moreover, it just complicated matters for Emily. She was deprived of everything she required in her life by bringing her to this Rehab. The Rehab was definitely a claustrophobic place for people.
I wonder a bit about Emily's husband. Now it would be bad for me to judge him without adequate information but I really think that he didn't love Emily. He should have understood that sending Emily to a Rehab or fighting with her wouldn't help. Hm... I wonder about his mental condition. Maybe he was not very well, mentally. We never know what can root from what. I wonder about this relationship. Honestly speaking, neither emily nor her husband is in a good situation. We need to see from both the POVs.
I would highly recommend putting warnings before the story. Self-harm actually counts s violence and you never went someone to read something which can trigger them in some way. Warnings are very important. It should at least be rated 16+, rating it 18+ wouldn't harm too.
Another thing, not very important but I would like to mention it. It's better to remove that italicization of the text in the beginning. I mean it can be achieved in some other way, the time gap. Just put three asterisks in middle. It would make up with the time gap. I have no idea about others but whenever I see italicization of text(a long paragraph) my mind begins to wonder what it is for.
Finally, the show don't tell technique. There were several instances where I think this technique could be used.You told a lot of things in a straight forward manner where they could be depicted in a well-organized and in a more visual manner. It could help the readers imagine the situation in a better manner. Anyway, overall, this story was an excellent one.
Keep Writing!!
~Forever
Points: 49988
Reviews: 701
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