Young Writers Society

I hope you like this, critiques MUCH needed as there may be some typos and misuse of grammar...

Well, tell me what you think!!!

*By the way*

This is kinda LONG, but this is the only part I could stop at without just STOPPING in the middle of a scene or something.

There were so many names that Jarae could think of for herself that she could, in no way, settle for one. There was the starved: her ribs where easy to find and count as they protruded cruelly through her pale white skin. Her face was hollowed out, casting shadows of deprivation. If she had chosen to resort to self-cannibalism in her confused mental state, and not had to worry about blood loss, she would still die of starvation. There was not enough meat on her bones to feed the smallest of creatures, let alone an elemental in need of energy.

Trying to pull her attention away from her cravings of food, she thought of more names for herself. There was orphaned. There was lost. There was depressed, dirty, deprived, disgusting, delusional, dying.

A heavy sigh escaped her dry mouth as she gave up on the words: they were only bringing her down more, and she had to focus on movement. Jarae had taken a temporary refuge in the ruins of an old city. She had no idea if the city had been ruined for a long time, or if it had recently been destroyed by the Fire Elementalists when they came and ravaged her country. For the sake of the people that lived there, she prayed that it was the former. She did not what to imagine other people suffering the pain and torture that she had witnessed over a year ago.

Still, there was a strain of her that wished that the people had died recently: then, maybe, she would be able to find some discarded food in the trash cans, instead of nothing but dust and rubble. No, that would be too easy, and nothing was easy these days.

Then, sounds. Some shuffling. Some muttered speech.

Jarae leapt to her feet, but her first reaction was not to go towards the sound, but to get away from it. Her small frame ducked behind a crumbled wall. She tried to still her breathing; to become a shadow; to be unnoticed.

The sounds did not go away, but they did not grow nearer. Her fevered mind then twisted up an idea: Why not advance and find the source of the noise? She could beg for food. If the person had no food to spare, she would soon die of starvation. If they had food, she would eat enough to be able to survive another day, and try to get to her destination that her terrified mind had come up with months ago. And, of course, if they were an enemy, she would be slaughtered. At least, then, her suffering would end.

Her steps were slow and steady, partially because she was afraid of what she might find, and partially because she couldn’t walk much faster. The sounds grew closer and closer. The person apparently thought they were alone and was unaware that their mutterings were being heard by any ears. She peeked around the corner of a building, and confirmed this. The source of the noise was a man, who looked to be not much older than her, and he looked as if he was impatiently waiting for someone, or something.

Jarae tried to focus in on the man: all Elementalists were supposed to be able to tell what element another person was. It was an innate talent. A color was to appear around the individual, thus guiding the watching person to the right conclusion of what element the person was. Jarae, however, was too weak, and with her energy so low, she could not figure out what he was. His aura would not show to her.

Now the risk was even bigger. She had no idea who he was and no idea what element he was. Her thoughts fell back to her original conclusions of what could happen, and she came out from behind the wall.

His back was to her as she quietly approached. She took in his appearance as she came closer to him. He had dark, reddish-brown hair, including a bit of stubble on his chin. He was tall, though she couldn’t quite tell how tall, as everyone was a giant to the five-foot-one Jarae. His build was muscular, but she was quickly distracted by the fact that he had a broadsword strapped to his back. She couldn’t remember what Elementalists normally trained themselves with swords; was it the Chronos Elementals? Divinity? Fire?

When she was much closer, he finally turned around. His dirt brown eyes widened in surprise that someone had snuck up behind him, then even more when he apparently realized that she was an Ice Elemental.

“Um…” Jarae temporarily found herself at a loss of words. It had been so long since she had actually spoken to another living being that the talent of speech had begun to fade. Finally, she continued and said, “Do you have any food to spare?”

The man’s mouth twitched from a surprised frown to a cold smirk. He sneered, “Bad move, kid. I’m a Fire Elemental. I thought everyone could tell that.” He reached into a holster at his waist and withdrew something that made Jarae’s heart sink: a gun. This was the end for her. She had taken a risk. At least she would finally be able to be in peace.

As he held it out in front of her, the barrel pointed directly at her forehead, the loud rumbling of what sounded like a motorcycle came. She had been afraid and not heard it sooner. Then came another voice. It was younger, and male. It yelled, “Seth! Seth! Don’t! Come on, she’s just a kid! She’s my age, look at her! Don’t kill her, Seth!”

Jarae, no longer transfixed on the gun, turned to look at the source of the voice. Sure enough, there was a motorcycle, and getting off of it was a boy that looked younger than her first encounter. He had shaggy brown hair, not too different of a shade for the man named Seth, but with bright blue eyes. Though his companion was dressed in clothes fit for battle, the newcomer wore casual clothes: a pair of jeans and a faded t-shirt with a disappearing message.

The man, Seth, lowered his gun, but not by too much. He, too, was now looking at the boy. He snarled, “Don, she’s an Ice elemental.”

“All the more reason not to kill her!” Don announced in an angry tone. He slammed his helmet down on the seat of the motorcycle, then walked over by the two of them. “Her entire race is practically dead, and she can’t even stand! Do you really think even Anthre will find her to be a threat?”

What he said confused her for a second, then she realized that she was, in fact, on the ground. She had no recollection of ever sinking down there.

“General Anthre, Don, General. Don’t be disrespectful, even if he isn’t your leader.” Seth replied and then holstered his gun, causing Jarae to emit a great sigh of relief. “You pity people too much.”

Don ignored Seth’s last response and turned instead towards Jarae. He got down on one knee so that he could see eye to eye with her. His voice cooled, and he said softly, “Girl, you must be insane to approach a Fire elemental. Were you asking for death?”

“She was asking for food, actually.” Seth replied for her.

Jarae lowered her eyes, feeling ashamed of herself for being so dirty, so weak, so unknowing. She was quiet for a moment longer, then said, “I am too low on energy to sense elements…”

Don’s face scrunched up in surprise. It probably wasn’t normal for energy to get so low that one couldn’t even see one’s element. He relaxed his fact back into a softer look, then said, “His name is Seth Asensen, and he’s a Fire elemental. He’s also my elder brother. My name is Don Asensen. I am a Sound elemental. My element is not allies with the Fire Elementalists, we are quite neutral, so you have nothing to fear from me.”

As if to confirm the fact that he was friendly, even though he didn’t need to do that after saving her life, he held out a piece of bread that had been withdrawn from the pouch at his hip. She watched him for a moment, wondering if she could trust him, before all parts of her told her to go for it and she took the bread, gobbling it up as fast as she could.

Don sat back on the ground, smiling at the fact that she had now eaten. He then asked, “Now, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in a shelter or something?”

Jarae brushed the crumbs away from her mouth and her stomach growled audibly. It had tasted food and wanted more. She ignored it, as she usually did, and said, “Shelter? I don’t even know if there’s any of my kind left… I’ve been trying to get to Earth Capital.” She looked up nervously at Seth. It was a very well known fact, even to Jarae, that Earth was the greatest opponent to Fire.

“You’re a long way from there, darling.” Don replied, laughing a little. Looking at her horrified face, he quickly added, “Not that you’ve been heading in the wrong direction. You just have quite a way to go. Why don’t you travel with Seth and I here?”

Seth immediately exploded in protest. “Are you insane?! We can’t take an Ice elemental with us! I don’t care if you’re thinking of her as a pet or if you’re just obsessed with being Mr. Nice Guy, but that’ll be a death wish for both of us! Fire Elementalists would have no problem against killing you, and I’d be arrested and put on trial for treason!”

Don shook his head slowly as Jarae’s stare bounced back and forth between them. The boy seemed to slowly be gathering his facts, trying to choose his next words to say.

Finally, he spoke, and he said, “Seth, we have a perfect cover story. We’ve captured her, and we were transporting her back to Fire Capital.”

Seth’s face scrunched up and he exclaimed, “Oh yeah, and what about the fact that we’re heading in the opposite direction of Fire Capital? And the fact that we’re supposed to just kill her, according to General Anthre’s rules?”

Again focusing on the answers to his questions, Don rubbed his chin (which lacked stubble), and then looked up in Jarae. He smiled at her, but answered Seth’s questions, “We got side tracked due to an Earth elemental’s camp, and we were taking her back to Anthre in case he wanted to question her.”

Seth’s face of protest changed to a scowl. He obviously couldn’t think of a retort to Don, and knew that there was no way he was going to get out of having Jarae as a traveling companion. In a feeble attempt to keep her away from them, Seth said, “But she won’t fit on the bike.”

Waving his hand impatiently, Don stood up, then helped Jarae to her feet, who looked embarrassed at being helped so much by him. Don smirked and said, “We’re going to be walking, Seth. We’ll strap our stuff to the bike, so we don’t have to carry it.”

With no more arguments, they did just that. Seth kept his sword on him, but packs and pouches that were attached to their bodies were now strapped onto Don’s two-seater motorcycle. His hands were on the handlebars, pulling it along like it was just a bicycle, and the three of them walked onward.

Don appeared to be full of questions for Jarae, but when she made it clear that she had no interest in telling him about what had happened to her, he began to talk about himself, and about Seth.

“Though unusual for parents to give birth to kids with different elements, Seth and I are brothers and we are different elements. It was kind of being like a celebrity for awhile, but we left our dad awhile ago, shortly after Mom died,” There was a look of pain on Seth’s face at the memory, but Don continued, “Seth joined the Fire elemental army, because most Fire Elementalists were being recruited to the army anyway. I dislike the war, but … well, it gave us food and shelter. They were kind enough to take care of me, even though I couldn’t be in their army.” Don fell silent for a second, perhaps thinking of the fact that he was betraying people that helped him. Finally continuing, he said, “Right now, we’re sort of on vacation. They give each regiment one, every once and awhile. Seth and I decided to do some traveling, some exploring. We were going to head back soon.” He turned to Jarae, and smiled at her. “Now our vacation will end with escorting you to the border of Earth Country, then heading back home.”

Jarae couldn’t help but smile. Don was full of such youthful exuberance. He had proceeded to tell her that he was fifteen, the same age as Jarae. Seth was only two years older. She listened to ramblings about his interests, his goals for after the war, and his love of music. His true aspiration, he said, was to become the greatest musician, with the power of his music so incredible that it could end wars. He thought so much about his future that Jarae was jealous. Her thoughts of the future usually consisted of finding food to survive another day.

Soon, dusk was upon them and one of the bags was opened, revealing two small tents. Apparently the brothers liked to sleep separately, even though there was room for at least two people in the tents. The area of their refuge was in a forested area near the edge of a cliff that dropped into a steep ravine, and the sounds of the late-evening birds was comforting. They dined on a meal of bread, leftover stew from the night before, and an apple for each of them. Seth had lit a fire with his hands, terrifying Jarae, but he actually made up for it. He tried to act cheerier, teasing Don, and even making small (very small) talk with Jarae.

“Jarae, listen very carefully,” Don said, taking Jarae’s hands so that she would focus on him, “if any Fire Elementalists come in the night, I am sound sensitive, obviously, so I will hear them coming. I won’t hear them soon enough for us to pack up and leave, so here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to bind you as quickly as I can and tie you to a tree. If I do anything roughly, I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good. You have to appear to be captive.” Looking at her puzzled face, he quickly, “Yes, you are sleeping in my tent. Is that alright with you?”

Jarae nodded. She was hoping that they wouldn’t have to follow through with his plan, because playing captive would be risky. Desperate to reach Earth Country, she quickly agreed, then ducked into the tent when Don lifted the flap for her. Seth muttered good-night, snuffed out the fire, and soon the three of them had drifted off to sleep. Jarae could tell, by their heavy snores, that she was the last to fall asleep.