Published September 11, 2010
Fun, already qualifying, adds excessively
Via complements, boarding to prevent
Boredom; ordinary is obsolete.
Why…
Merely swim through surf when you can
Match that word, and streak above
The water like the birds?
Be it money you shall spend; time
You wish to dedicate in this
Pursuit – of happiness, delight, or just what have you? Done
With plain ambiguity, you grasp legend (lucrative)…
Such gravity, these grandiose gestures
Imply explicitly your devotion to the cause, you
Obtain with all seriousness: smiling… surfing… shocking… stealing –
The world for a Surfing Pikachu.
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Okay, this poem made about as much sense as my 11-year-old brother's subconcious ravings when he talks in his sleep. I LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll be honest, at first I didn't get this poem at all. I had to read this poem several times in order to be able to understand most of it. I think that it is your use of big words as well as your play on words that makes the poem so hard to understand. However, I would never change these things because they are also what makes the poem so unique and interesting. I really liked your play on words with board and bored and with the double meanings of surf! It's a very smart poem.
Hello Ilya! (or do you prefer 'Eelz'?) Welcome to YWS!
As Griffin said, the is sort of disjointed. However, the entire thing kept me hooked, I'm not exactly sure why. It may be because your poem is supernatural, or that I was intrigued by your use of large words. Anyways, it is once again as Griffin said. The title immediately drew me in and the ending made it all worth it. Though I too am not sure how a Pikachu got there. It seemed to fit though, and it was pretty awesome.
Hope you enjoy the YWS-ness!
-HP
Welcome to YWS!
The flow of the poem is kind of disjointed, which makes it kind of hard to follow. As a result, I'm still not quite sure why we end up with a Surfing Pikachu. But that doesn't really seem to bother me much. The title and the ending are all very satisfying and worth clicking the like button. It's the sort of title that makes you think "What's going on?" so you have to click it.
To make it better, I suggest you start sentences on the same line, that way you don't say the first word of the sentence, then pause, then finish the sentence. It would make things a little more tidy.