Published April 28, 2011
Isolation nothing new
but normally from a zero-momentum reference frame.
The brain is relaxed using only ten percent less even
than approval ratings of sociopathic politicians
posing via conditioned synapses however. Everyone here utilizes
ninety percent within five percent error in confidence
but never to a full hundred – save that for epileptic attacks.
The locomotive beige dissonance careening into the future twenty-four hours per day
seals these psychic Arthurs within secluded mauve chambers
of Schrödinger’s door(s). Hoodlums in front, not slow, no they are
Heisenberg snails of a known position – the velocity is incomprehensible.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
So I really don't have any critiques for you. I absolutely loved this poem. It was....interesting (for a lack of better words). I thought your imagery was just mind-blowing. The images almost seemed scientific (if that makes any sense at all). I also liked your title (it was what made me click on this in the first place).
This was the only part that made me go "huh?". Maybe you could add in some punctuation in there to break it up a bit. I think it was the "however" that threw me off too.
This was my favorite part.
That's all I've got! Again, I really, really, REALLY liked this poem and I'll definitely be reading some more of your poetry. Sorry if this wasn't very helpful.
- Jelly
Hi there, I'll be reviewing your poem today.
Interesting poem. I'm...not actually sure what to think. But it sure is interesting. Your flow isn't perfect, but I never liked perfect so it's fine. The imagery is quite interesting, but somewhat confusing. I'm not entirely sure what's going on here. But overall, I kinda like it, in a confusing, why-am-I-read-this? sense.
I'm afraid to say that I can't really help you here. The poem is just fine exactly how it is.
Anyhow. Thanks for the interesting poetry. I'd love to see more. Remember, keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
This is a really cool poem! I love the references and intense motion of the words and thoughts.
I'm going to assume that some of the more awkward phrasing of sentences were intended to create a maddened effect. If so, well done. The narrator feels psychotic. The title itself achieves this by creating a word that is hyper medical besides the fact that it doesn't mean anything. It gives the sense of emphasizing the "psychotic." It's hard for me to pick a favorite line so I'll just say my that my favorite stanza is the first one.